Baby Madness
by Saria19
Summary: Szayel Aporro's experiments turn Ichigo into a baby. The Espada, Aizen, Gin, and Tousen all have to take turns watching him.
1. Chapter 1

Saria: (tears rolling down her cheeks)

Tori: There there, you're finally writing again at least.

SA: Cry baby…

Zas: Hey, not her fault! Remember, her friend was killed (WHAM)

Saria: (holding an iron) SHE WAS MY CO-WRITER YOU PRICK!!

SA: There's the Saria we've been missing… Are we sure this is a good thing?

Tori: ALRIGHT! Story-time!

ALL: Saria19 doesn't own Bleach, and probably never will.

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Ichigo screamed as the syringe that Szayel Aporro held was emptied into his vein, the cry not fazing the pink-haired Arrancar in the least.

"There, there," Szayel said in a mock caring tone. "How do you expect us to find out how mature you are as a hybrid? My tests have all concluded that you are on, but now I want an estimate on how much being in human world has affected your growth."

Ichigo couldn't do much except glare at the Arrancar from the table that he was strapped to, his arm aching from the injection he had been given. He honestly felt at that moment as though he had received a shot of molten lead, and the feeling was spreading through his body.

Szayel grinned down at the "shinigami", knowing full well by now that this boy wasn't one, not by a long shot. A glance at the wall clock told him though that it was time to wrap things up for the day, it was getting late and there was an Espada meeting in the morning. Tossing the empty syringe into a trash bin and quickly sweeping his other sharp instruments out of possible reach of his specimen, Szayel gave the boy a supposedly warm smile.

"We'll end now for today, so be a good boy and make sure to get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day again. I might actually get around to having you fed!" Szayel said, grinning even more as he cruelly spoke the last part, knowing that the boy hadn't been fed for several days already.

The orange haired teen only scowled angrily at him though as he stepped back to the door of the examination room, turning out the lights before he left, locking the door.

_**The Next Morning**_

Szayel Aporro was pleased when he woke up that morning to find that he had enough time before the meeting to go and check in on his experiment, it would be a bit of a hassle for him if the boy died, Aizen-sama still seemed to have a bit of an interest in him.

As he walked towards the examination room that the boy was locked in, Szayel's mind drifted slightly, going over all that he knew about the boy from experimentation. He had been the one to confirm the fact that the boy was a form of shinigami-hollow hybrid, one that neither he nor any inhabitant of Las Noches had seen before. The boy's version of shikai was pulling on a full hollow mask, his eyes changing also, but otherwise no changes in his form. Szayel was certain he had more forms than just that, but he wasn't sure yet. The boy also had rapid regeneration, something which Szayel had noticed with interest.

Two things that eluded him in the examinations and experiments thus far though was that he couldn't figure out if the boy was a Vasto Lorde, a Gillian, or an Adjucha. He also couldn't determine how mature the boy was, whether he was just a young, rebellious child or an angry-that-you-forgot-me adult. Hopefully he should figure those things out today though.

Plastering on a brilliant smile as he unlocked the door, Szayel walked in with a bright and cheery "Good morning," directed to his "patient", and saw that the orange haired being still seemed to be asleep. Something seemed off though.

Reaching into a drawer to get a syringe so he could collect a blood sample, Szayel tried to figure out what looked wrong about the sleeping figure. He didn't quite get it though until he tried to pull the sleeve of the boy's black haori up to expose his arm. Plainly put, there was no arm. The other sleeve was empty too, as were the legs of the hakama.

Almost terrified of what he was about to find, Szayel grabbed the folds of the haori and carefully parted them, revealing the body inside.

"OH SHIT!" Szayel yelled at what he saw. This was worse than just finding a torso and having to explain accidentally dissolving the boy's limbs, his regenerative abilities would have taken care of that problem, this one though was MUCH worse.

The orange haired child woke at the loud shout and began to cry; cold, hunger, and fear being the reasons for his cries. Not that Szayel knew any of this though. His mind was frozen.

He had some how turned 15 year old Kurosaki Ichigo into a baby that couldn't be any older than 15 weeks.

"Shit…" Szayel murmured as he dropped the haori folds back onto the tiny body. "I'm really going to be in trouble over this one."

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Szayel Aporro didn't know why he didn't demand one of his fraccion to follow him, carrying the little bundle for him, but for some reason he didn't. Instead, when he realized he would have to let Aizen-sama know of this little "development", he had simply wrapped the infant in the black haori and carried him out into the hallway. The brat hadn't stopped crying yet and they were about to enter the meeting room of the Espada.

"Come on, quiet down a little you useless lump," Szayel whispered to the child, sighing a little when it seemed to work only for the kid to bellow louder than ever a second later. "Little jerk, you're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

As he pushed open the door to the meeting room, already realizing that he had lost track of time during his initial panic over finding Kurosaki like this and could very easily be showing up for the meeting late, he was met with silence. And curious eyes.

Szayel cursed at himself; the other Espada were there, but no sign of Aizen-sama. He couldn't pass off the brat to someone else until Aizen-sama was here and knew what happened.

"What's with all the racket?" Grimmjow demanded from his seat.

"What are you holding?" Ulquiorra added in a quieter, calmer voice.

Szayel walked past them to his seat though, between Old man espada and Mohawk espada. Both peered into the screaming bundle and caught sight of what was inside.

"What the?!" declared Old man espada as he continued to stare. "Where did you find that?"

Mohawk espada just stared silently, but his disapproval hung heavy on the air.

"What's he got?" asked Noitora, who Szayel was certain, had to be the nosiest of the espada.

"Yes, what does Szayel have, and why does it sound so unhappy?" Aizen's calm voice rang over the loud cries. Behind him, Gin seemed fascinated about the situation while Tousen's face said he was annoyed.

Time to face the music; hopefully it wouldn't be as bad as the brat's.

"A brat," Old man espada answered.

Gin looked like he wanted nothing more in the world than to go look himself, and Tousen shifted uncomfortably. Aizen on the other hand, simply raised an elegant eyebrow and looked at Szayel questioningly.

"I had a bit of an accident in the lab…" Szayel began, glancing about nervously before he found his eyes locked onto Aizen, and for the life of him, he couldn't look away.

"Nothing went too terribly wrong, did it?" Aizen's voice seemed to drip with concern. "No one that we would consider important to us was injured, were they?"

Some part of himself told him Aizen already knew, and was trying to see if he could make Szayel confess, now, with the pressure of the gazes of the other espada and a screaming baby in his arms. Why the hell had he not left the kid in the lab?

"Kurosaki Ichigo was involved, he seems uninjured," Szayel answered. 'And with lungs like this, he's probably in really good health,' he thought.

"How are you sure of this?" Haribel's question caught Szayel slightly off guard.

"Because I checked on Kurosaki myself. For the time being though, I think it would be best for him to be under someone else's watch." Szayel patted himself on the back for getting that out as smoothly as he did.

Aizen sat back smoothly, nodding slightly to Szayel's suggestion. He already knew what had happened of course, and having someone else take Ichigo for a while would allow Szayel a little time to be able to try to develop a cure of some sort.

"Well," Aizen said as he glanced up the expanse of the table, "do we have any volunteers who will watch Kurosaki first?"

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Saria: And thus he said, they shall VOTE!

Tori: Eventually, everyone in that room will have to watch baby Ichigo, with the exception of Aizen and Szayel Aporro. The fun part though, you get to decide who goes first and in the next chapter, who goes next!

Zas: Suggestions on what you would like to see happen while Ichigo is being cared for by the different espada plus Gin and Tousen are welcome and appreciated!

SA: Just review already…


	2. Grimmjow's turn

Saria: And the votes are in!

SA: Thank God that's over…

Tori: And the results are… Haribel- 1

Zas: Yami- 1

All: And the winner: Grimmjow- 3!

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"_Well," Aizen said as he glanced up the expanse of the table, "do we have any volunteers who will watch Kurosaki first?"_

Grimmjow grinned slightly as he fingered his zanpakuto, remembering all the pay back he owed the orange haired shinigami. This could be the best opportunity he would ever have to even the score a bit, and finally show that brat who was stronger and the one in charge.

A glance down the table told him Yami was thinking along the same lines, but like hell if Grimmjow was going to let that troll go first.

"I'll watch the shinigami-brat," Grimmjow volunteered with a smirk.

Aizen merely nodded as Szayel stood and walked to Grimmjow, quickly dumping the still squawking bundle into his lap.

"You might want to try to figure out what's bothering him then," Szayel said as he straightened up, feeling as though a great burden had been lifted.

Grimmjow on the other hand, felt his eyes widen as he immediately lifted the bundle onto the table and pulled away the black cloth. Several gasps filled the room when the parted cloth revealed a naked and orange haired baby, a very young one at that, crying and screaming even louder now that the partial warmth he had from the "blanket" was gone.

"Oh shit…" mumbled Grimmjow as he dropped the cloth, not bothering to recover the kid.

_After the meeting_

Grimmjow pounded his head against the wall for the tenth time as the kid continued to weep, his screams long since dying down and giving way to the quieter sounds, sounds that were just as annoying as the screams.

The orange haired brat was currently lying on the floor, wrapped in the cloth that Grimmjow now realized was the boy's black haori. He had no idea where else to put the kid, and it wasn't like there was a nursery in Las Noches to dump him in.

It was times like this that Grimmjow really found himself missing Shawlong. The Arrancar was a bit on the weak side, but Grimmjow had the sneaking suspicion that he would know how to make the kid shut up, more importantly in a way that wouldn't involve Grimmjow risking his own hide.

Like it or not though, he was stuck with the kid for another… 23 hours and 14 minutes… an eternity in of itself.

Another weak sob came from the helpless kid though and Grimmjow felt ready to explode.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME DAMMIT!?!?" he shrieked as he loomed over the shinigami/hollow/baby/human thing on the floor. Another weak sob was his only answer and Grimmjow fought the urge to kick himself. Babies can't talk. All they do is sleep and eat and cry.

Speaking of eating though, Grimmjow felt himself getting hungry. The brat was probably hungry too.

Puffing slightly, Grimmjow stooped and picked Ichigo up, wrapping the haori around the tiny body a bit tighter to reduce the amount of wiggling he would have to deal with before heading to the lunch area.

'Might as well ask Szayel what the hell I'm supposed to feed him,' the teal haired man thought as he walked through the halls, until Ulquiorra appeared. 'Might as well ask him too.'

"Hey, Ulquiorra, how and what do you feed babies?"

Ulquiorra stopped and gave Grimmjow his trademark "you're a hopeless idiot" look before answering.

"Babies are traditionally breast fed milk."

Grimmjow's eyes widened to horrifying proportions as his gaze wandered down to his exposed chest. "How the hell does that work?"

"When a baby is breast fed, the milk will be produced and extracted through the nipples. A baby will gather the milk by sucking on the nipple," Ulquiorra replied emotionlessly.

"SUCK ON NIPPLES?" Grimmjow screamed as his imagination took that and ran with it, providing him with the horrifying image of having to hold his enemy/rival to his chest and having the tiny mouth nursing off of him. Nausea quickly attacked.

"Of course, what else did you expect a woman's breasts were for?" Ulquiorra turned then and walked away, a faint smile playing on his lips.

For Grimmjow though, the image of himself immediately, and thankfully, puffed away. In its place was an image of Haribel with the brat having access to her amazing chest.

Grimmjow's eye twitched slightly as he glared down at the still slightly weeping baby. "You lucky little bastard…"

Finding Haribel in the lunchroom proved easier than expected, getting her to come with him actually took an admission from Grimmjow that he needed help with feeding Kurosaki. Once they were outside the lunch area, Grimmjow passed the brat to her and ran back to get some food himself.

Less than ten minutes later he was back in the hall, wondering if he could still catch the ending of the show, but neither Haribel nor the brat were in sight. A small couch was though, and realizing what a long day it had been for him already, Grimmjow simply flopped onto it and lay there staring at the ceiling. As he lay there, he wondered if Haribel would let him watch her feed Ichigo later on. Maybe he could actually cope a feel while she did, and then let him replace Ichigo's mouth with his own…

While lost in his daydream, Grimmjow completely missed Haribel and Ichigo, followed by her three fraccion, appear from the kitchen. Apache didn't miss Grimmjow though, and directed the attention of the others towards him as well.

They stood over Grimmjow for a good minute without him even realizing it, but they could all tell that he was in a daydream of some sort; drool was a very good indicator.

Mira Rose had a great idea at that point though, and quickly whispered it to Apache who nodded before requesting to take the baby from Haribel. Immediately after gaining the orange haired child, who was now quiet at least, she tucked him easily into Grimmjow's hole.

"Hey, Grimmjow, wake up," Apache called as she poked him slightly in the side.

For his part, Grimmjow woke up pretty fast from his fantasy, which had escalated into involving all four of the women present and cherries. He noticed something really off though as he looked at each of them.

"Where's the brat?"

No answer came from any of them, but Apache and Mira Rose looked like they were trying to keep from laughing. They weren't doing a very good job.

Sitting up, Grimmjow noticed that he felt oddly stiff in his lower stomach region.

'Don't tell me I have a boner…' he inwardly groaned as he glanced down only to find a mop of orange fur had sprouted out of his stomach hole.

"WHA …" Grimmjow's yell was cut short by three pairs of hands slapping over his mouth.

Apache made the shushing movement then pointed at his stomach, so Grimmjow let his eyes move back to the orange patch. It only took a second to realize that the orange fur was actually Ichigo's head, more over, the kid was now asleep.

"There is a god!" Grimmjow exclaimed once his mouth was freed.

The rest of the day almost seemed normal to Grimmjow, minus the bundle that would squirm some every now and then but otherwise remained quiet. He did notice one thing though, after Haribel had taken the brat for a few minutes, he had been wearing a strange piece of cloth over his privates. Grimmjow wasn't sure what it was used for, but after some deep thinking, believed it was meant to keep the genitals warm. A pretty smart idea actually.

The silence didn't last as long as Grimmjow had hoped it would though, and before it was late afternoon, the brat was crying again. Neither Haribel nor any other female was in sight.

'What to do?!?' Grimmjow mentally screamed as he ran down one hall after another, trying to get either an idea of what was expected of him, or find a girl; they seemed to know a lot about this stuff. He also wanted to know why his hakama felt wet.

Stopping short, he glanced down at his hakama and saw that it was indeed wet and that the liquid was yellowish and smelled kind of bad. A quick once over told him that Ichigo was also soaked; the part of the haori that covered his mid to lower regions was so wet that it had bled through to the cloth underneath.

"I'LL KILL WHOEVER DID THIS!" Grimmjow screamed as he stomped off towards his rooms to grab a fresh hakama and something else to wrap Ichigo in, after bathing both of them of course. Ichigo screamed and cried throughout the entire bath. Once again Grimmjow was at a loss for this behavior, the water wasn't THAT hot.

The crying didn't end soon though, in fact, when dinner time finally came around, the kid was still crying. It didn't seem so bad though when Haribel knocked on the door though and asked him if Ichigo needed to be fed.

"Go ahead," Grimmjow replied as he did a little internal jig. His day was finally about to turn around, he was sure of it.

She easily lifted Ichigo up from his resting place on the floor, moving him into a position near her breasts. Grimmjow's eyes followed every movement as her hand moved up to her collar, loosening the zipper a little… and pulled out a tube of white liquid with a strange plastic nub.

Ichigo's mouth went over the nub and he began to nurse, the white substance in the tube slowly diminishing.

Grimmjow was still in shock when she handed him the baby, explaining briefly how to burp him, and left, Ichigo now nursing on the bottle in Grimmjow's arms.

After following Haribel's instructions on "burping", Grimmjow set Ichigo down on the floor again before going to lie down himself. Whatever was left of his heart had just been broken.

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Tori: Just so everyone knows, Szayel is going to try a test substance on Ichigo in the next chapter which will make him old enough to crawl and start causing trouble, but by then, he'll no longer be Grimmjow's problem.

Zas: So, who's up next?

Saria: Their choice! Vote now: Stark, Mohawk espada, old man espada, Haribel, Yami, Ulquiorra, Noitora, Aaroniero, Gin, or Tousen! Don't forget suggestions!

SA: Flames are accepted as well.


	3. Yami's up

Tori: Another chapter!

Saria: And more votes, thank god we finally got a winner though. We had a five way tie going for the longest time!

SA: Results?

Zas: Ulquiorra- 1

Tori: Tousen- 1

SA: Gin- 2

Saria: Aaroniero- 1

All: And the winner is Yami- 3

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Crying, that was all he heard, the crying. The crying that had been going on now for hours, crying that had begun right around midnight.

Grimmjow glanced at the single clock in his room and saw that it was almost 4 am, he still had the whiny brat for several more hours… Or did he? Afterall, Aizen had said that Ichigo would be passed to another Espada each day, and it was now technically tomorrow and had been for several hours.

Not even hesitating for a second at the idea of getting some peace at long last, the sexta espada jumped from his bed and ran into the next room, grabbing up the kid, and racing through his door.

He had to pass this kid off to someone really stupid, and although Noitora was the first person to come to mind, Grimmjow knew better than to try that. Take this squawker to Noitora's chambers at this time of night/morning, if Noitora didn't kill him, Tesla would sure as hell try. No, he needed someone really dumb, preferably without any fraccion that could wake up fast enough to intervene…

Grinning insanely, Grimmjow stopped suddenly in front of a door and knocked loudly. He hadn't even noticed that during his race Ichigo had quieted down.

A few minutes later, Yami opened the door, hardly able to stand up straight because of how tired he was.

"Your turn Yami," Grimmjow declared as he thrust the baby into Yami's arms. "Just remember to ask Ulquiorra about breast feeding."

For Yami, the world just seemed to blurrily pass him as Grimmjow put something in his arms and said something that involved Ulquiorra feeding his breasts. So when Grimmjow turned and practically skipped away, Yami dismissed it as just the weird antics of the sexta espada and went back to bed, taking the object Grimmjow had practically thrown at him with him.

_3 hours later_

Yami numbly rubbed his eyes when the sounds of wails reached his ears, noting that there seemed to be a little extra weight on his chest as well. Once his eyes were clear enough to see, he glanced at his chest and saw the baby that Szayel had brought to the meeting yesterday, the baby that Grimmjow had volunteered to watch first.

'But Grimmjow dropped him off here last night, which must mean that it is my turn to watch him now…' Yami thought as he sat up, deftly catching the tiny being that began to roll off his chest with one overly large hand. 'And if I remember right, he said something about Ulquiorra and breast feeding…'

Yami's eyes widened as he glanced down at the kid, who was just starting to awaken also. The first whimper from the child came, followed closely by a soft cry.

Faced with a crying brat, having no idea what to do, and already confused by Grimmjow's comment, Yami did what any unnerved being would do, he panicked.

Making sure to have the kid in a somewhat secure grip, Yami rushed into the hall and raced to a certain door that was just down the hall from his. Then, after knocking in what he knew probably sounded in a desperate fashion, he waited a few seconds for the occupant to open the door.

"Ulquiorra," Yami whined, not caring how pathetic he sounded as he held up the now crying baby.

_With Szayel Aporro_

Checking over and over the compound that he had injected into Kurosaki for something that could cause such a reaction as it did, Szayel Aporro had been up for the entire night, but he believed he had now found an antidote, which almost made it worth the loss of his beauty sleep.

Now he just needed to find the brat, inject him with this stuff, and he could begin his original experiments again.

_Ulquiorra, Yami, and Ichigo_

"And that is how you change a baby's diaper," Ulquiorra finished as he stood, leaving the fed and changed Ichigo lying on a blanket on his couch. It was where the kid would be sleeping anyway if they hadn't changed him back before it was his turn.

Yami nodded dumbly, and Ulquiorra wouldn't be surprised if he had to repeat this sort of exercise each time Ichigo cried while under Yami's watch.

"Now that Kurosaki is fed, perhaps we should get some food as well," Ulquiorra said as he headed toward the door. Yami nodded as he reached over to the coach and picked up the now sleeping child. The slightly lost look on his face reminded Ulquiorra of the many times that he had thought that perhaps it would have been better if Yami were just a fraccion, not an espada. That look only seemed to reconfirm his logic.

Ulquiorra walking to the dining room with Yami was nothing new to the inhabitants of Las Noches. Yami holding a baby however was even odder than Grimmjow holding one, so while most hadn't stared yesterday at Grimmjow's entrance, the crickets in human world could be heard when Yami entered that morning. Thankfully, the tension was broken with the appearance of Szayel Aporro, who, upon seeing Ichigo in Yami's arms, had pulled out a syringe and jabbed it into the baby's neck. And a number of things happened really fast after that.

Ichigo immediately started screaming, tiny fists flying out of the blanket and thrashing around in the air.

Haribel appeared behind Szayel Aporro, quickly tucking him into a headlock and demanding to know what he had done.

Apache, Mira Rose, and Sunsun grabbed Ichigo from Yami and began trying to calm him down.

Grimmjow appeared, and upon hearing the screams, had started screaming himself, curling up on the floor right in front of the entrance.

Aizen appeared, and upon seeing the chaos right in front of him, had called for an immediate stop with a flux of his reiatsu. Everything went silent with the exception of Ichigo's slowly fading wails.

"Now," Aizen began calmly, "will someone please tell me what is going on here?"

"This bastard stabbed Kurosaki in the neck with something," Haribel answered immediately, a slight venom in her tone.

Aizen noticed the 'bastard' was Szayel Aporro, and he was currently turning a shade some where between red and blue that didn't look quite like purple. Sighing, he said, "Haribel, perhaps you should let Szayel Aporro breathe so we can hear his reasoning as to why."

Haribel released her grip instantly at Aizen's request and quickly moved to stand with her fraccion, taking Ichigo from Mira Rose and cradling him in her arms, his cries stopping quickly.

Szayel Aporro on the other hand took a few minutes to catch his breath and straighten his clothes before saying anything.

"Aizen-sama," Szayel began with a slight bow. "I believe that I found an antidote that should return Kurosaki Ichigo to his proper age. I injected the antidote into his neck since at the age he is right now; the veins in his arms would be too small for a needle."

"Then it doesn't sound like there should have been a problem," Aizen announced. "One question though, Szayel Aporro, when should this antidote take effect?"

"In a few more minutes Aizen-sama," Szayel answered with a slight bow.

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes slightly as Aizen dismissed them; it was typical that Szayel would try something like that without announcing it to anyone. Still though, Haribel's reaction was too immediate for it to have been anything except instinctual. Truly odd. What made it even odder was that when Yami reached out to retrieve Ichigo from Haribel, she actually took a step back and said that she would watch him during the meal.

Aizen seemed to notice this behavior as well, because he interjected almost immediately and ordered for Haribel to hand Ichigo over to Yami. And though she looked somewhat crestfallen by it, Haribel did follow the order and then left to sit with her fraccion.

Yami settled the once again silent baby on the bench next to him before turning his attention completely to his meal.

_Human World_

"And that is reason number two hundred and thirty nine as to why we cannot leave Kurosaki Ichigo in Hueco Mundo," Renji finished reading the list before him to sou-taichou Yamamoto and the other remaining taichous of the Thirteen Court Guard.

The list was written by all the members of the Rescue-Orihime party, including Rukia despite the fact she was mostly bedridden still.

"This mission is denied until we have another reason to enter Hueco Mundo," the Sou-taichou announced, instantly pulling looks of astonishment from most of the taichous, plus Renji and Ishida, who sat next to Renji.

"At the moment we know that Aizen does have some interest in Kurosaki Ichigo's powers, but we don't have the power to go and take back just one captured person, which is one of the reasons why I said 'no' the first time this happened and you wanted to go rescue Inoue Orihime. Given a few weeks to prepare, we can probably find another reason to go in and rescue him then, with minimal losses and a victory in our hands, but not before. We just have to hope that Aizen is as patient of a man as we believe him to be and not try something rash or harsh to force Kurosaki into something."

"But a few weeks?" Ishida demanded, jumping to his feet. "In a few weeks, Kurosaki could be dead, or worse! The mental scars he could get from them in that time, he'd never be the same!"

"We can only hope for the best," Yamamoto answered heavily. "We cannot sacrifice everything we have for one person. We can only hope any torture they put him through won't permanently haunt him."

_Hueco Mundo Dining Room_

Grimmjow had finally gotten off of the floor and was currently sitting in his own seat, just down the row from Yami, absently stirring his food. God he was tired. He had hardly gotten any sleep last night… and who the hell was giggling?!?

Turning his head to glare suspiciously at anyone who could possibly be the perpetrator, Grimmjow noticed something disturbing.

"Oi, Yami," he called. "Where's the brat?"

Yami stared at him in faint surprise then pointed down at the bundle next to him, then noticed that it was just an empty blanket. The Arrancar's eyes went as wide as saucers as he jumped up, calling "ULQUIORRA!" as he went.

Shrugging slightly, Grimmjow reached for his fork again only for his finger to come in contact with a soft, fleshy thing, and a new series of giggles began.

Turning his head immediately, he saw an orange haired toddler, giggling as he played with Grimmjow's eggs.

"Does anyone see an orange haired brat?" Ulquiorra's monotone voice called out.

"He's sitting in my eggs," Grimmjow yelled back at him, causing lots of attention to turn towards him and the now toddler Ichigo.

Ulquiorra and Yami were there within moments, Yami trying to grab the child, who in turn slipped out of the giant's grasp and threw Grimmjow's eggs at the two of them, giggling as he bounced underneath a table.

Yami immediately dove in after Ichigo, the table bouncing up onto Yami's back as he tried to catch the crawling tot, who crawled under a different table. When Yami tried to follow, the first table that was still riding on his back, caught on to the new table and both went upwards, creating an almost tent-like appearance. Everyone at the second table also went flying from the sheer force.

Grimmjow noticed Ichigo crawl out of that though, heading underneath a third table. This time though, he was the one who went after the brat, throwing three people out of the way before coming out on the other side, face-to-face with a rather peeved looking Noitora who now had yellow egg stains on his white clothes.

Ulquiorra saw Grimmjow's hold up with Noitora, and immediately scanned the room, spying the toddler Kurosaki as he crawled into the kitchen area. Ulquiorra followed immediately, following the child's progress around a corner, and then found that he had run straight into a rack of copper pans. Swooping around to try to catch as many as he could, Ulquiorra failed to notice the fire place which he was now very close to until his foot tripped over the ledge and he went down, straight into the soot.

Giggling brought Ulquiorra back out of his reverie on why he hated pots and pans, and he immediately seized the toddler, who had wandered over and begun playing with the soot.

Dumping the toddler into a sink to clean him off, Ulquiorra turned to the door right as Haribel, Yami, Szayel, and Grimmjow charged in.

Spying Ulquiorra, Grimmjow burst out laughing.

"You know… Halloween isn't… for a little… while longer, Ulquiorra?" Grimmjow choked out between bouts of laughter.

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes at the idiot, then turned his attention back to the only being in the room that had a decent excuse for how they were acting. Upon seeing Kurosaki trying to eat the soap though, Ulquiorra decided that he'd had enough.

"You," he hissed at Szayel Aporro. "Either turn him back into an infant, or get him to his proper age, NOW!"

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Saria: 6 pages!

Tori: Time to vote again though!

Zas: So, we've had Grimmjow and Yami, who will be next?

SA: Button below, click it to review.


	4. Ulquiorra's Nightmare

SA: Saria'a B-day… Wonderful

Tori: I've got the cake!

Saria: (grabs cake) MINE!!! IT'S ALL MINE!!!! BWA HA HA HA HA!!!

Zas: Think she knows that it's not a chocolate cake?

Tori: Nope, and I'm not going to be the one to tell her.

SA: She can have the chocolate one after she writes the chapter.

Ulquiorra: Please tell me that Kurosaki will act better than this…

For once, the words "Who cares what the hell Aizen ordered?" crossed Ulquiorra's mind as he decided that leaving Ichigo in Yami's care was not a smart idea. Thankfully, the overgrown troll didn't seem to have anything against handing the child over. So, after snatching the soap away from the toddler Ichigo and washing the soot off of his small body, Ulquiorra had taken the child and beat a hasty retreat to his own quarters. Said child was now crawling about the room while wearing an old white undershirt that Ulquiorra had managed to find.

But now Ulquiorra had a meeting with Aizen-sama to attend, and there was no way that he was going to leave a toddler Kurosaki alone in his rooms. Especially not when the kid had come dangerously close to chewing on several small daggers that Ulquiorra liked to collect. And several of his books had almost fallen victim as well.

With a sigh, Ulquiorra took his only option, seeing as how he didn't have any fraccion to take Kurosaki for the time, and carried the toddler with him.

The child's eyes flitted around almost randomly as Ulquiorra walked down the hallway towards Aizen's throne room. He giggled several times and would reach out to touch something, each time Ulquiorra made sure that he moved so whatever the object was, whether that be a vase, a picture, a light fixture, or some random arrancar's mask, was just out of the child's reach. There was one thing though that he couldn't save from the brat's grabbing hands though.

"Let go you brat," Ulquiorra whispered as threateningly as he could as he approached the throne room entrance, and continued to try to untangle Ichigo's tiny fists from his hair and mask. The child on the other hand just giggled and yanked harder, actually earning a groan of pain from the stoic man.

"Seems Ichi-chan likes ya!" Gin declared as he stepped out of the door leading to the throne room.

For the first time ever, Ulquiorra thanked whatever power it was that insured that Gin had been born because Ichigo, immediately after hearing said person's voice, let go of his hair and turned to face Gin, a smile quickly forming on his mouth.

"Ya really are a sweet baby, aren't ya?" Gin cooed as he leaned closer to the child, and Ulquiorra felt a huge wave of satisfaction when Ichigo grabbed Gin's nose and pulled. Hard.

Gin however, never let his smile drop as his own hand came up and tweaked Ichigo's nose, but pulled it away fast.

"Look Ichi-chan, I have your nose!" Gin's words were coupled with bringing his hand up to show Ichigo his "nose". The brat screamed instantly and began patting at his face, after releasing Gin's nose.

Ulquiorra rolled his eyes as he stepped past Gin and entered the throne room, the toddler calming down fast when he realized that his nose was right where it was supposed to be. Gin followed Ulqiorra back in and took his place slightly behind Aizen's throne. With a slight grunt, the green eyed arrancar set the child down at his feet before beginning the conference with Aizen.

As the two discussed the reinforcements and added traps that had been set up around Las Noches, Ichigo's wide eyes scanned the new room and looked for something, anything, to play with. His eyes finally settled on a long stick that had green thread wrapped around one end. Immediately turning slightly to get his feet and arms directly under him, he began to crawl towards the stick.

Before the child was even halfway to his destination though, Aizen noticed that Ichigo's trajectory was straight towards Kyoka Suigetsu. Standing quietly from his throne, he continued the discussion with Ulquiorra even as he walked up behind Ichigo and picked the baby up right before he could touch the sword then moved to return to his throne, this time settling the boy down at the foot of his throne. Thankfully, Ichigo had lost interest in Kyoka Suigetsu upon spying Gin, and had reached immediately to cover his nose, turning again to crawl away from him a bit.

This time though, no one stopped Ichigo as he crawled around, mainly since his eyes were not set on anything that would count as potentially dangerous. Eventually, the eyes in the room stopped following him, so when Ichigo noticed a certain blue haired Arrancar pass by outside the slightly ajar door, no one stopped him as he scooted to the door hoping to find a playmate.

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"Thank you, Ulquiorra, you are now dismissed," Aizen said as their meeting finally ended.

Ulquiorra simply bowed before sweeping his eyes across the room to find where Ichigo had crawled to, but didn't see the child anywhere. Aizen and Gin, both noticing the faint rising of Ulquiorra's eyebrows, immediately looked around the room as well, but neither of them saw the orange haired toddler either. Aizen did however notice something else that quickly became very important.

"Gin, did you leave the door open?"

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Exploring is always fun, especially when you find something interesting and new. Thereby, it could only be expected that when Ichigo finally found a corridor that had tiles or pieces of the wall that would move when touched, he had to find as many of them as he could.

Ichigo grinned as his tiny hand found yet another trick tile and pressed it down, right as Ulquiorra turned onto the corridor.

Ulquiorra wasted no time in running towards the brat the second he realized just what the kid was doing, and unknowingly at that.

A faint click could be heard in the hallway as Ulquiorra raced toward the brat and several large chunks of the ceiling fell down around him, nearly crushing him if he hadn't had foresight enough to dodge the things. Unfortunately though, his dodge set him on a course that caused him to trip over an arrow that was imbedded in the floor and sent him sprawling head over heels into a wall, tripping one of the trap levers that Kurosaki had missed.

Jumping back, the fourth espada was just able to dodge the volley of throwing knives, right in time for Ichigo to set off yet another trap tile that brought a log swing from the ceiling, and it struck Ulquiorra square in the back.

Ulquiorra pushed himself back up with a grunt and glared down the hall at the brat who seemed responsible for all his troubles that way, or would have if said brat had been there.

In an instant Ulquiorra was racing down the hall to try to find the miniature bringer-of-doom.

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Aaroniero knew his clothes were odd, and kind of hard to move around in, but he never remembered them being this heavy before, especially in the back. Glancing back when he heard a giggle though, he found that an orange haired toddler had latched onto the back of his robes. Having been in the cafeteria when the chaos occurred and seeing Ulquiorra, Yammi, and Grimmjow all chasing a toddler though, he quickly realized that this was Kurosaki Ichigo, running around unattended yet again.

"Hard to believe that you will grow up into as powerful and threatening of a warrior as you do…" Aaroniero murmured as he reached back and lifted the giggling baby. "Maybe I should just end that threat to us right now though and secure my position as an espada for a few more years to come. After all, your power added onto mine could quite possibly improve my rank and make me as strong as the first three or so."

Ichigo just stared at the arrancar, eyes wide and sparkling with innocence.

Grinning, Aaroniero removed his mask, using the face of Shiba Kaien to cover himself, as he raised the child slightly higher, mouth dropping open to swallow the infant…

"WHAM!" Aaroniero was certain he was missing some teeth as he felt a fist plow into his mouth as another hand removed the child from his grasp.

For some reason or another, it didn't surprise him to see that the owner of the fist now imbedded in his mouth was Ulquiorra, and as the other set the child on the ground once more, Aaroniero tried to loosen Ulquiorra's fist from where it was situated in his jaw, only for the baby to try to crawl away.

Ulquiorra immediately side stepped and set his foot in the way of Kurosaki before moving it to trap a segment of the shirt he was wearing against the floor, trapping the child. Aaroniero was yanked along by his jaw for the ride.

With the brat now no longer able to get away, Ulquiorra turned his attention to a new, very important matter, recovering his fist from the depths of Aaroniero's mouth. Aaroniero reached out and grabbed Ulquiorra's arm and shoulder and began to try to work the hand free, Ulquiorra in turn grabbed Aaroniero's jaw and tried to make him widen the space between his teeth, fully intending to dislocate the bone if he needed to.

Aizen and Gin, both who had decided to assist in the effort to find Ichigo, found them like that moments later.

"Now now," Aizen said warmly to the two as he approached the trio. "No fighting in front of Ichigo-chan, you'll set a bad example."

Gin grinned as he reached out and released the toddler from under Ulquiorra's foot. Having already forgotten what Gin had done earlier, Ichigo laughed as the former captain lifted him up and wrapped a tiny fist into the man's white hair.

"Yer such a cute baby, Ichi-chan. Aizen-sama, perhaps we should consider just leaving him like this and raise him from this point on here in Las Noches."

Ulquiorra had never been so close to shrieking in terror in the entirety of his existence.

"As appealing as that sounds Gin, I would prefer being able to make use of Kurosaki on the battlefield in the upcoming war. He is of no real use to me as a child."

Ulquiorra heard the angels break out in song.

"That may be a possibility after the war though. After all, what would heaven be without the laughter of a child?"

Ulquiorra made up his mind at that moment. After the war, he was never going to leave Las Noches or Hueco Mundo, ever.

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Saria: Alright! Time for voting once again! Who shall Ulquiorra pass Ichigo off to in the next chapter?

The choices: Gin, Tousen, Aizen, Stark, Haribel, Zomari, Old man espada, Noitora, or Aaroniero.

Saria: So until next time! (takes a big bite of her birthday cake and immediately spits it out) AGH!! VANILLA?!?!?!?!?


	5. Gin's Treat

SA: Voting is now closed.

Saria: Yep, and guess who won!

Zas: Let's see, Aizen and Noitora tied with 3 votes each, Haribel got 2, and Zomari and Stark got 1 a piece, so that leaves…

Tori: Gin of course! And he won by a landslide at that!

All: (stare at one another) BWA HA H HA HA!!!

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Ulquiorra sighed as he walked into the cafeteria for dinner, having missed lunch while chasing Ichigo around Las Noches. Said infant was tucked under his right arm, and already showing signs that he was sleepy, namely in yawning every few minutes and rubbing his eyes. At this rate, the brat would only last maybe another hour before simply falling asleep on his own, and that was fine by Ulquiorra, so long as he ate something now so he wouldn't be awakened during the night by a toddler wanting a midnight snack.

Ulquiorra walked to his normal table and seat in automatic, seating the child next to him on the bench before grabbing the two closest plates of food. He began eating, not even glancing at what the plates contained, not really caring, until he heard a "yucky" come from Kurosaki. Taking a deep breath, he glanced at the child's plate.

Boiled asparagus. The brat was holding an entire stalk of the green vegetable in one hand that had some teeth marks about halfway up the stem. In the other hand he was holding a tiny handful of peas that were quickly being turned to mush. The child turned to face the espada, his big brown eyes pleading.

"Yucky," he said again he pushed the asparagus and handful of peas toward Ulquiorra.

"Eat them because I sure don't want them," Ulquiorra told the toddler.

"Yucky, no eat," Ichigo said, his bright eyes darkening quite suddenly. Ulquiorra could just smell a tantrum forming.

"You're not getting anything else, so you had better eat it," the fourth espada replied in a stern voice. He received a handful of mashed peas in the face for his comment.

Down the table from them, Grimmjow unleashed a deep belly laugh when he saw what happened. Pretty soon, a large number of the arrancar present in the cafeteria were either laughing or trying to suppress their giggles. Ulquiorra glared at each of them, then focused on one arrancar in particular, a kitchen worker, who was carrying a small plate.

"We received instructions to prep a plate especially for the small one, considering that they are notorious for being picky eaters…" the trashy weakling quietly said, his eyes cast toward the floor as he set the small plate in front of Kurosaki. The brat glanced at the food, giggled slightly, and began to eat without complaint.

"You couldn't have brought this out sooner?" Ulquiorra demanded in a deadly low voice.

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Ulquiorra wanted to blast that incompetent server, he really did. But with Ichigo there, and Haribel able to read his body language, he hadn't dared to follow through, especially with Haribel making gestures of what she would do to him, using a potato and a fork to demonstrate.

So instead of possibly causing a potentially deadly situation for himself, he had gone quietly through the rest of the meal and left as soon as the brat was done. He would of course be heading back to the kitchen to have a nice little "talk" after he handed the brat off to the next victim.

For now though, he was thankful that the tantrum had been headed off, especially since the little terror was now asleep.

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"Hungwy," A tiny voice stated, as a small hand pulled at his, bring Ulquiorra out of his sleep. "Hungwy," the voice chirped again.

Ulquiorra understood immediately what was going on, and he narrowed his eyes at the ceiling before turning to face the miniature aggravation that now stood next to his bed.

The orange haired child looked up at him expectantly with large brown eyes, and Ulquiorra's annoyance only increased.

"You had your dinner, so go back to bed," he replied, dulling the edge in his voice just enough so as not to scare the kid, but retaining enough of it so that the brat would understand that he meant business.

"Orra, hungwy!"

Ulquiorra winced as he heard his name get slaughtered down to just "Orra". That certainly would not be allowed. If anyone, especially Noitora or Grimmjow heard him being called that, he could forget about being addressed appropriately by either of them ever again. Stark might also use "Orra" also because it would take less effort. Sitting up with a sigh, Ulquiorra picked the brat up again, this time holding him at eye level.

"My name is Ulquiorra, remember that. Breakfast will be in a few hours, you can wait for food until then," he stated firmly before taking the boy back into the front room, and placing him on the couch. "Now go back to sleep, Kurosaki Ichigo."

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Ichigo stared as Ulquiorra walked right back into his bedroom, shutting the door as he went, before getting up again. This time he half-toddled, half-crawled to the door of the suite. If "Orra" wasn't going to give him something to eat, he'd find someone who would!

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Nighttime in Las Noches was not as easily differentiated from day as it was in Soul Society, and because they completely lacked sake bars, Ichimaru Gin often found himself up for a midnight snack or something. Tonight though, he was proud to say he had company joining him.

He had found Ichi-chan crawling around in the corridors, apparently also wanting a midnight snack, and said child was now giggling from his seat on Gin's shoulder.

"Ya know, this occasion calls for a special treat, what do you think Ichi-chan?" Gin asked as he sat the baby on a counter. "Wait, I know, ice cream sundaes!"

"Sunday?" Ichigo's eyebrows rose slightly in his confusion.

"Yep, sundaes Ichi-chan," Gin replied as he pulled out two bowls and called to the remaining kitchen, saying he wanted every flavor of ice cream they had, whipped cream, nut, cherries, strawberries, chocolate syrup, strawberry syrup, and anything else they could think of to put on ice cream.

Less than a minute later, the counter next to Ichigo was covered with twelve different types of ice cream, syrups, spray whipped cream, bananas, cherries, honey, and a multitude of other toppings, the kitchen staff also having their own bowls so they could join in on the ice cream.

Gin grinned as he scooped out some chocolate, vanilla, and rocky road for himself and some strawberry, vanilla, and mint for Ichigo, quickly spraying some whipped cream into both bowls before adding a number of the various toppings, Ichigo actually going so far as to bounce slightly on the counter with excitement as he watched. Until he noticed the now unattended can of whip cream.

"Alright, you ready Ichi-cha-MUPH!" yelped Gin as he received a face full of whip cream.

Giggling was immediately heard, and it wasn't just coming from the toddler.

Setting the bowls on a counter, Gin wiped the cream off of his face before grinning at the child.

"Yes, I have to agree with you Ichi-chan, we did need some more whip cream. But, we also needed more of this!" he declared as he poured a bottle of pink-red sauce over the child's head.

Ichigo retaliated immediately by spraying the whip cream again, this time though Gin was mostly able to dodge the blast of cream, and the four member of the kitchen staff got hit instead.

More snickering erupted before one of the kitchen arrancar, a male with brown hair, reached out and grabbed the carton for pistachio ice cream and in one quick move, was able to smear a handful of it into Gin's hair, right as one of the women shoved a glob of chocolate down the back of his jacket.

Gin howled from the slimy cold that dribbled down his back before grabbing a jar of cherries and throwing it at the laughing pair, who immediately took off for the other side of the kitchen, right as Gin's sundae got stuck to the back of his head, having been thrown by one of the two remaining kitchen staff since Ichigo was climbing into the tub of rocky road ice cream and still happily spraying the whip cream at the three remaining targets.

Grabbing the tub of grape ice cream from the counter, Gin immediately dropped a handful on Ichigo's head, earning a shriek from the kid before taking off after the rest of the participants of this little "ice cream social."

Seeing the adults running around screaming, throwing ice cream at each other, and slipping into one another made Ichigo want to join in on the fun of course. Quickly climbing out of the tub of ice cream, he pushed everything he could see off of the counter so he could reach it easier before attempting to climb down himself. Unable to get a foothold though, Ichigo wound up falling right into the bucket of strawberry ice cream. Then as he crawled out of the bucket, he stepped onto the bottle of chocolate syrup, causing himself to have an impromptu ride on the "chocolate express".

For Ichigo, this proved to be a great, fun ride, even if he fell down in the end, and he took great pleasure in jumping on the chocolate syrup and Gin's forgotten bottle of strawberry syrup over and over again.

Of course though, Ichigo's fun did cause a rather largish mess, and two of the combatants wound up slipping in the syrup, thus completely destroying their white clothes. It didn't help matters when Gin saw them lying there and tried to jump out and hit them with more ice cream only to wind up joining them on the floor.

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Ulquiorra found himself sitting up in bed for the second time that night, and not because a toddler was there asking for food. No, there was something else wrong this time, and he could feel it.

A peek in the next room was all he needed to confirm it. Ichigo was definitely gone, probably to look for a midnight snack.

'Hopefully he ran into Gin on the way to the kitchen and will be there,' the fourth Espada thought as he pushed the door for his room open a bit wider and slipped into the hall.

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Things were really starting to get fun for Ichigo as he tried to drag his tub of strawberry ice cream behind him, after smearing a handful of it into the faces of the downed adults. At that moment though, he was trying to get away from said adults, who weren't really chasing him.

Either way, Ichigo wound up pulling a large tub of ice cream with him to the doorway and was looking out for more people to throw ice cream at when he saw the button next to the door. It was big, red, and shiny. That was it needed to be.

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Ulquiorra was almost to the kitchen when he heard the silent alarms get triggered, the ones meaning the kitchen was under attack.

With a loud groan, Ulquiorra ran towards the door of the kitchen and jerked on the handle, hard, but the door was already locked. He would have to wait to get in, and pray that if the brat were in there, that he had the sense to stay out of harm's way.

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Not one of the combatants in the kitchen knew the alarm had been triggered, because right after he had recovered from the chocolate and strawberry syrup trap, and wiped the strawberry ice cream out of his eyes, Gin had gone on a rampage.

Of the two arrancar who had also fallen in the syrup, he had covered one of them with nuts and the other with marshmallows. The two that hadn't slipped soon found themselves caught by the other three and rolled in the mess as well.

Ichigo was still by the door, except that he had crawled back into the bucket of strawberry ice cream so he could have better access to it. The red button had been a bit of a let down for him.

The general noise of the kitchen came to an abrupt halt though when the door suddenly swished open and Grimmjow, Szayel Aporro, and Haribel and leaped in, zanpakuto drawn, and were each met with a fistful of thrown ice cream hitting them.

Behind them a screech of laughter came from Noitora as all the Espada gathered out in the hall got a good look at this supposed "attack".

Szayel Aporro and Haribel both easily put up their swords at seeing as there was no threat; Grimmjow however was looking from person to person, trying to decide who should feel Pantera's bite as punishment for this.

"Gin, what happened here?" Aizen asked as his head appeared in the doorway. For his part, Gin did his best to look sheepish, before his eyes caught on Ichigo and a great idea hit him.

"I came here for a midnight snack and brought Ichi-chan with me and right as I finished making the food, shinigami attacked!"

"Shinigami attacked?" Aizen queried as the kitchen arrancar stared at Gin as though he had just gone mad. Thankfully their faces were all covered from ice cream and syrup, so no one noticed.

"Of course they did! The five of us bravely fought them back using the only weapons we had at our disposal, this ice cream and the toppings! Even Ichi-chan helped, he made a trap using chocolate and strawberry syrups."

"You fought off a troop of invading Shinigami using ice cream?" Aizen looked very disappointed as he said this.

"Stwabewwy in stwabewwy!" a tiny voice suddenly sang out from next to the door.

A quick glance revealed Ichigo sitting in the tub of strawberry ice cream, and a number of giggles broke out from the amassed arrancar.

"Ichigo-chan," Aizen kneeled down to look the child in the eye. "What happened in here?"

Ichigo stared at Aizen, then thought back to what he had heard Gin call this. "Shundaay!" he squealed.

"Sundae?" Aizen asked with a slight smirk.

"Aizen-sama, Ichi-chan can't even say strawberry, of course he wouldn't be able to say shinigami!" Gin called out.

"Ichigo-chan, what were Gin and those four others doing before we got here?" Aizen asked with one of his reassuring smiles, gesturing first to the ice cream covered people then the clean ones.

Once again Ichigo though for a second before reaching into the tub, grabbing a handful of ice cream, and throwing it right into Aizen's face.

"I think I've heard enough of this," Aizen stated smoothly as he quickly stood, wiping the ice cream from his face. "Gin, you irresponsibility has once ag…"

"KKRRIPP!" and a tear appeared in a portion of the kitchen, two shinigami that Aizen immediately recognized as Abarai Renji and Kuchiki Rukia jumping out, Sado Yasutora and Ishida Uryu behind them.

"HERE WE COME KU-ro-sa…" Renji began, right before a large white glob of vanilla ice cream hit him square in the face, causing him the stumble back into Rukia and they dominoed back into Sado and Ishida, pushing all of them back through the rip in space right before it closed.

Ichigo squealed in happiness, thinking the fun was about to start again. "Did again, did again!" he chanted from the tub as he threw a few more globs of ice cream, not really even hitting any of the shocked Arrancar.

Szayel was the one to regain his voice first.

"Umm, Aizen-sama, it seems like Gin was telling the truth, especially considering that Kurosaki is a bit too young right now to now how to lie…"

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Saria: And the voting opens again on "WHO SHALL WATCH ICHIGO NEXT!!"

Tori: Your choices: Aizen, Tousen, Old man espada, Zomari, Stark, Haribel, Noitora, or Aaroniero!

Zas: No more time for Gin?

SA: After that, do you think they'd be stupid enough to leave Ichigo with Gin again? Though, who's to say that he won't get a few minutes again at a later time?

ALL: Now, Review if you want more!


	6. Kitty Bath

Untitled as of Yet: Please make some suggestions… I have never written something like this before

Saria: SUGAR!! (dances around randomly while holding a slice of chocolate mousse pie)

SA: (sweatdrop)

Zas: (smirks)

Tori: (walks in to see Saria dancing) Her parents finally lifted the sweets ban?

Zas: Yep, they realized how utterly pointless it was, that and her grades dropped…

SA: Why am I thinking of "L" from Deathnote?

ALL: Saria19 does not own Deathnote, Bleach, or any thing except this fic.

--

"Seeing as how there has been so much trouble involving my Espada today, and the demonstrated inability to watch a small child, I believe that I shall take Kurosaki for now and assign a new watcher later," Aizen stated as he glared at the amassed Espada.

"Shouldn't you get him cleaned up then?" Gin pointed out, as he directed attention back towards the giggling, ice cream covered child.

Aizen's eyes widened slightly before he turned his gaze back on the Espada, judging each of them from previous demonstrated performance.

"I'll do it Aizen-sama!" Gin announced, and images of the bathroom being flooded and exploding toilets immediately filled Aizen's head.

"Grimmjow, give Kurosaki a bath then bring him to my quarters."

"What?! Why me?" Grimmjow demanded, his eyes fearfully taking in the image of the sticky toddler.

"Because thus far, you have proven yourself the least incompetent with children," Aizen coolly stated as he strode from the room.

"Does he even realize that I didn't even know what breast feeding was until Ulquiorra told me?" Grimmjow asked the air.

"Breast feeding?" Barragan inquired.

"Yeah," Grimmjow replied as he bent to retrieve Ichigo, completely missing the looks that most of the Espada sent Ulquiorra. "He said it had something to do with sucking on nipples to get milk from them then essentially stated that Haribel would know what to do. That was the reason I asked for her help that day."

Standing, while holding the tot at arms length, Grimmjow then noticed something weird.

"Hey, where did Haribel and Ulquiorra go?"

--

Ulquiorra was half way into his room when he felt the terrifying presence, and though he did manage to keep his features fixed into their stoic expression, his hidden knees shook like jello.

"You couldn't have just explained bottles to him, could you Ulquiorra?" Haribel said cheerily in honeyed tones.

--

"Don't use bubbles," Stark called to Grimmjow right as he was closing the door to the bathroom.

"Yeah yeah…" the teal haired man muttered as he set the child next to the tub before reaching in and turning on the tap.

'Damn Aizen,' he thought as he took out some bath soap and poured some into the water before setting it next to the tub.

'Damn Szayel Aporro and his experimenting,' he added as he reached down into the cupboard behind him to locate a towel for after the bath, completely missing it when Ichigo pushed the entire bottle of soap into the water.

'Damn, now I feel like a pervert for doing this!' Grimmjow mentally screamed as he reached down and pulled off the rag of a shirt that the shinigami representative had been wearing.

The now naked tot on the other hand, completely unaware of Grimmjow's thoughts, had reached into the tub and was merrily slapping the bubbles, splashing them all over the place. The bubbles had now reached the brim of the tub and the giggling orange haired baby climbed into the tub.

"Alright brat, time for… your… bath…" Grimmjow's jaw hit the floor at the sight of the overflowing tub, and his hands immediately dove into the bubbles, looking for the brat since his hide was on the line if the kid got hurt.

"Gotcha!" Grimmjow howled triumphantly, pulling the wiggling, bubble covered infant out of the tub. "What did you do now?" he growled as the tub continued to overflow.

"Bwubles!" Ichigo cried, and shoved his sticky and bubbly into the Sexta Espada's teal hair.

Grimmjow's eye began twitching madly at the feeling of the sugar-sticky and bubble covered hands before snapping wide open when he felt a hand behind him shove him into the tub, toddler in hand. Shoving himself back up over the surface of the bubbles and water, he saw what had to be the most terrifying sight he had ever seen.

"Looks like ya need a bath now too, Grimmjow!" Gin Ichimaru's smile had never looked so sinister, especially when he produced a long handled scrub brush.

"You can't possibly be thinking of using that!" the sixth espada proclaimed.

"Oh, of course not on Ichi-chan, but you should be just fine! You do have the iron skin of the arrancar, after all!"

--

"Good job, Grimmjow," Aizen said as he took the towel clad toddler from the dripping Espada who looked as though his skin had just been rubbed raw, shutting the door of his suite after collecting the kid.

Grimmjow breathed a sigh of relief as he turned to head back to his own set of rooms, before noticing Haribel exiting what looked like Ulquiorra's room.

A quick glance inside revealed Ulquiorra sporting a series of cuts and bruises, the horn on his mask remnant was visibly cracked as well. Suddenly, his own ordeal didn't seem so bad.

--

"Here we go, Ichigo-chan," Aizen said with a fatherly smile as he tucked the toddler into the makeshift bed he had had made for the child during his bath. The child was clothed in another large shirt that almost made it look like he was wearing a dress, he looked very cute though.

"Nigh nigh," the child replied with a yawn, as his tiny head buried into the pillow he'd been provided.

Aizen smiled softly once again, before rubbing the child's soft head, similar to how one would pet a dog or a cat.

A sharp knock on the door caught his attention then, and turning away from the slumbering figure, Aizen opened the door to find Gin, looking as though he had just gone through a meat grinder.

"Gin, what happened this time?" Aizen asked as Gin hobbled into the room.

"I tried to give a cat a bath," Gin replied, gazing around the room before focusing on Aizen again, looking very dazed.

"I see," Aizen said as an image of Grimmjow when he brought Ichigo to him came to mind. "I assume though that you were successful."

"I succeeded, yet at the same time, I feel as though I lost," Gin answered as he turned around, and Aizen saw a long handled scrub brush shoved into a very, awkward place.

"Can you pull it out? The medics don't seem to have the strength to be able to, I don't want to have Tousen's hands wandering in that area, and the Espada would want a better explanation."

--

Surprisingly enough, Aizen decided to lend Gin a hand, literally, and managed to remove the brush and get rid of Gin without waking the sleeping toddler. It didn't seem to make too much of a difference though several hours later when he found himself awakened by a crying toddler who was apparently afraid of the dark.

"It's ok Ichigo-chan," he whispered in a reassuring tone as the child climbed into his bed, crying slightly. Reaching over, he gently pulled the child closer to himself, wrapping the sheets around the small frame.

"Dark," the toddler sobbed as he buried his head into Aizen's chest.

"There is nothing here in the dark that isn't there in the light, Ichigo-chan," the traitorous shinigami whispered soothingly, lightly rubbing the child's back in an attempt to calm him.

"Monsters in the dark," Ichigo stated.

"Monsters in the dark are still monsters in the light. Monsters just aren't as easily recognized in the light, and that is why you aren't afraid of them. The shinigami for instance appear to be normal in the light, but as soon as the sun goes down, they have a tendency to become more vicious, more willing to hurt their own just for the sake of their own twisted form of justice and in service of a king that left them long ago due to their corruption."

"Core-rip-sion?" Ichigo asked, his face twisting in concentration as he attempted to pronounce the new word.

"Corruption means that the shinigami are very bad people, Ichigo-chan. There are a few good shinigami, but they are being tricked by the bad ones. That is why Gin, Tousen, and I left; we plan to try to stop the bad shinigami by placing a new king on the throne who will force the bad people to stop."

"Oh," the toddler replied, and Aizen noticed the light that shone in his eyes, meaning the child understood. "Can I help stop the bad people?"

Aizen laughed lightly as he lay back onto his bed, bringing Ichigo up to lie next to him. "Maybe when you grow up, Ichigo-chan. You are a little too young right now."

Ichigo pouted in the adorable way that only a child could, but did allow Aizen to tuck him back into the bed.

Aizen smiled down at the child once again before closing his eyes for the night.

--

_Meanwhile_

"Then right as we exited the gargantuan, we found ourselves in a kitchen with Aizen, Gin, and half the Espada, but I didn't see Ichigo anywhere!" Renji yelled as he attempted to recant the entire happenings of their VERY short expedition to Las Noches to Urahara, Yoruichi, Kurosaki Isshin, his captain, Zaraki-taichou, and Ukitake-taichou.

"Are you certain?" Urahara demanded, "I did pin point Ichigo's reiatsu before we opened the gargantuan, and all readers indicate that you were in the same room as him."

"The only orange hair I saw belonged to an ice cream covered toddler that was in the kitchen when we arrived," Ishida answered.

"A toddler?" Ukitake asked, a pale eyebrow rising slightly. "Do you suppose he could be a child of one of the traitors?"

"No, looked more believable that he would be a brighter, happier, miniature version of Kurosaki."

"Did he look like this?" Isshin asked, holding out a picture with a smiling child on it.

"That looks exactly like him!" Ishida exclaimed as he examined the photo. "Wait, isn't this Kurosaki as a toddler?"

Rukia immediately sat up straight, as did a number of the other occupants of the room. "Wait, you don't think…"

--

Voting time once more! So, who will it be: Haribel, Stark, LeRoux, Barragon, Tousen, Noitora, or Aaroniero?

Please review!


	7. Chick Magnet

Zas: So, let me get this straight, we have a three way tie as to who would have to watch Ichigo next in this fic?

Saria19: Yep, a three way between Stark, Nnoitora, and Haribel.

SA: How do you intend to decide?

Saria19: Oh, that's easy! Tori!

Tori: (appears wearing a blindfold while Saria19 tacks a dartboard onto the wall and hands Tori a dart)

zzzzzzzzzz

It was finally here, finally his turn, and he could tell that it was going to be his best day yet, especially seeing how Haribel and her fraccion all doted on this thing.

"The ultimate chick magnet!" Nnoitora screamed as he raised the orange haired child high into the air, completely unaware of Tesla groaning about how they were now going to have to watch the brat.

----------

Aizen smirked as he walked down the hall, away from Nnoitora's chambers where he had left Ichigo-chan for the day. He was certain that the child would be fine, for though Nnoitora was hopeless, Tesla was very responsible.

Beside him, Gin was still limping slightly after his run-in with the long handled scrub brush. He had joined Ichigo and himself for breakfast that morning, and had been the one to suggest having Nnoitora watch him for the day, then had started a food fight with "Ichi-chan" when the child had pegged him with a handful of thrown eggs. He was still grinning, despite a firm reprimand from Aizen.

----------

Nnoitora grinned as he trotted into the training area, the brat under one arm, fully expecting a waterfall of attention from the female population. He wasn't disappointed, in a very round about sense.

Haribel and her fraccion were already there and had descended upon him immediately, yelling that he wasn't supposed to bring a baby to this area. Mira Rose and Apache then made simultaneous grabs for the toddler, but missed when Nnoitora quickly raised the child up over his head.

"Hand him over you idiotic cycloptic spoon!" Apache screamed as she began to jump up to try to catch a hold of the squealing baby, unknowingly letting Nnoitora get a good feel of her body, Mira Rose doing the same.

'Score, though not quite what I was hoping for!' Nnoitora thought as he felt both of the female bodies pressing up against his own. A tug at his hood reminded him of his current load though, and he decided to just let them have the child since he had had his moment, when the hood on his clothing was tugged and forced down over his face.

The resultant curses that Nnoitora started yelling at that point were muffled greatly by his spoon-like hood, his hands automatically dropping Ichigo as they raced to remove the hood from his face. Ichigo was automatically caught by Apache, who giggled as his tiny hands reached up and grabbed a hold of her horn, not tugging as much as just insuring that it was there, before he hugged her neck happily.

After several minutes of great struggle to first get the spoon hood out of his face, then to make it stand up again like it should, Nnoitora turned his attention back on the women who now had possession of the tot. Apache was yelling angrily at Mira Rose who had just grabbed Ichigo away from her, the orange haired tot was stretching his arms out to Sun Sun who for once had a smile on her face also, and Haribel was… Giving him the evil eye.

"Nnoitora, a word about you language," she said simply as she angled her head toward an available training arena.

A fight, this day just kept getting better!

----------

Nnoitora grinned happily as he skipped down the halls once again, behind him Tesla followed at a much slower pace, lugging the small child with him.

The reason that Nnoitora was so happy: he had just had an excellent fight! Haribel had hardly held anything back, his left leg looked like sliced meat, half his hair was missing, his uniform was in ribbons, and he had never been happier!

"Talk about a great day!" Nnoitora exclaimed before reaching back and grabbing Ichigo away from Tesla. "You really are good luck!"

Ichigo just stared at him for a second before reaching out and grabbing his eye patch, drawing his arm back, and releasing the patch.

"Ow!" the cyclops yelped as his patch snapped him. Giggles came from both Ichigo and Tesla at Nnoitora's outburst.

"So you think that's funny, do you?" Nnoitora hissed as his own hand lashed out, seizing Tesla's eye patch, and snapping it in turn.

Tesla's own howl of pain caused more giggles to come from Ichigo while Nnoitora burst out laughing himself.

Tesla's hand flashed out at that point, grabbing Nnoitora's patch for the first time and giving him his second snap of the day.

This time around, when Nnoitora yelped in pain, he also put Ichigo down so that he could better attack and defend against the snaps on his eye patch.

Ichigo watched the two as they threw light punches and snapped the other's eye patch for several minutes before turning his attention down the hall and crawling to see if there was anything of interest in that direction. Arriving at an intersection, he noticed an open door a few feet away and quickly crawled towards it.

The second he passed through the open doorway, a hand reached out and grabbed him, causing the toddler to squeak slightly. Turning his head, Ichigo saw another new face, one that stared at him for a second with blue eyes before a smile appeared and he seemed to gurgle happily.

"Did you find someone that you like, Wanderweiss?" a new voice called out.

"It's Ichi-chan!" a very familiar voice called out, and a second later Ichigo was lifted up by a familiar pair of arms. "What are you doing here? I was certain that Nnoitora and Tesla were looking after you today."

"You left him with Nnoitora?" Tousen queried as Ichimaru once again joined him at the control panel, with the baby in his arms.

"Yep, he seemed extremely eager to watch Ichi-chan, moreover, Aizen-sama thought that Tesla would be responsible enough to keep things in order. It would seem as though he wasn't capable enough."

Tousen shook his head as his hands danced over the controls; eager to discover what it was that those two could possibly be doing that would distract them to the extent that they could loss an orange haired tot. A second later, the sound of screams, laughter, and snapping elastic filled the room. The dark man immediately blushed slightly, and quickly muted the video feed.

"Ah, that explains how you got here, Ichi-chan, they're just around the corner!"

Tousen balked at that, uncomfortable with the idea that two arrancar were doing what he thought they were doing so close to where they were.

"Come on, Ichi-chan, I better go break those two up and return you before anything else happens."

"Wait!" Tousen started immediately. True Kurosaki Ichigo was their enemy, but as he was now, he was a pure and innocent being, and such things HAD to be defended. "It might get messy out there, so you should leave the child here and have them come to pick him up after you've set them straight."

"A generous offer, Tousen-san, but it would save time just to take him with me now, and might get them to straighten up faster. Wouldn't want to set a bad example now!"

"Then how about you just take him straight to lunch with you right now, and I'll break them up. I believe that the child is hungry."

As if on cue, Ichigo perked up at the mention of food and he caught Gin's collar with one of his tiny fists. "Food? Cookie? Shunday?" Ichigo's eyes lit up at the last request.

Gin smiled as he decided to take Toussen up on his offer. "Alright, Tousen-san, I'll take Ichi-chan to lunch, and you can break up Nnoitora and Tesla. You might want to hurry also, Tesla's face is completely red and Nnoitora is going to have bruises around his hole, of that I'm certain."

Tousen choked slightly, and as soon as Ichimaru left, he locked the door, turned off the monitor and sat down, his head quickly going into his hands. From his corner, Wonderweiss moaned slightly in concern for the blind shinigami. Tousen however, was still in shock.

'I knew those two were weird, and this shouldn't be that much of a surprise, but still, I never thought that Nnoitora would play catcher between the two of them.'

----------

The entire cafeteria looked up when Gin walked in carrying Ichigo, most of them realized that Nnoitora was supposed to be watching him, and all of them knew that the last time Gin had watched Ichigo that there had been a huge disaster involving the kitchen, ice cream, and shinigami.

The tenseness in the air only got greater as Ulquiorra, Yammy, and Grimmjow entered the cafeteria for lunch. Yammy and Ulquiorra sat in their normal seats; Grimmjow however sat as far from Gin as he could, sending Gin the evil eye the entire time.

For his part, Gin didn't seem to notice all the stares. He simply got the food for Ichi-chan and himself, and laughed as the tot got chocolate all over his face from the cookie he was given for dessert.

Needless to say, when the two left without an incident occurring, there was much relief amongst the gathered arrancar.

Then Tesla and Nnoitora finally appeared, and went screaming about the room, searching for the orange haired brat. Both of them had red and slightly bruised faces. They cleared out fast when someone said they saw Haribel and her fraccion coming in for lunch.

----------

"Remember Ichi-chan, you really have to make this as pretty and colorful as you possibly can." Gin said with a smile as he handed the tot a bunch of finger paints. The baby laughed and immediately got to work, a large grin on his face.

A sudden knock on the door caught Gin's attention and he immediately moved to answer.

"Hello?" he called as he opened the door. Tesla and Nnoitora pushed themselves through the door very quickly.

"You know, you don't need to knock to enter your own room, Nnoitora."

Nnoitora simply glared at the white haired man before turning his attention back to the room. "They told us in the cafeteria that you had the brat."

"Ichi-chan is in the next room, no need to worry."

Tesla sniffed in indignation and marched toward the door to retrieve the child before someone else, Haribel for instance, showed up. At the doorway, when he caught sight of what was inside the room, he froze and his jaw dropped.

"What could possibly be wrong Tesla?" Nnoitora demanded as he moved to see what Tesla was staring at. His own jaw dropped at what he saw.

The entire room, and his Santa Maria, his precious zanpakutou, were covered in paint.

"How long did you leave him in here?!" Tesla screamed at Gin, who peeked into the room himself. "How could you let him do something like this?!" Meanwhile, Nnoitora slunk into the room and started cradling his precious zanpakutou, which now had hearts all over it.

"Only long enough to answer you two at the door and don't blame me, I gave him paper to paint on." Ichigo giggled in the background as he half toddled, half crawled to Nnoitora and painted a blue and orange heart on his cheek.

"YES! The chicks will definitely love this!" Nnoitora crowed as he jumped up and lifted Santa Maria high over his head, unknowingly taking Ichigo along for the ride on top of his head.


	8. Huh!

SA: (eye twitches)

Zas: Ooo-kay, weird.

Saria: Definitely…

Tori: (dances around a pile of Valentine presents) So many plushies!!!

Saria: Enough with the toys; bring out the chocolates!

Zas: Saria, did you leave those plans for the guillotine that you used to get rid of your Barbie's out again?

Tori: Who won the vote by the way?

Saria: There were lots of reviews but very few were votes, and why do you ask, Zas?

SA: (seems to be constructing a guillotine)

zzzzzzzzzz

Dinner had finally arrived, and Tesla couldn't help but feel extremely relieved to know that this god awful day was almost over. Thus far that day, Nnoitora-sama had gotten his ass kicked by Haribel, and her fraccion had tried to kick his ass when he had taken Kurosaki from them after the "fight" as Nnoitora-sama had called it. There had also been that horrific scare where the brat had disappeared on them during their eye-patch battle, and just the thought of Aizen or Haribel catching them without the kid still sent shivers up his spine. Then there was the finger paint incident with Gin, and Tesla was about ready to declare defeat then.

Of course though, Nnoitora-sama had not been put out by the paint at all, he had simply called for a cleaning crew to come and deal with the mess. He then grabbed his zanpakutou and had raced back to the training grounds to show the "ladies" his "beautiful" sword, and once again Tesla had had to carry Ichigo with them.

Gin had also followed them for the rest of the day, so an already bad situation now seemed to be even more excruciating.

One thing he would admit though, the brat did look very cute right now, yawning, rubbing his eyes slightly, ready to fall asleep; a state of being where he couldn't cause any further trouble. Tesla greatly anticipated it.

Surprisingly, Tousen approached the table they were seated at right before the meal ended.

"Gin, did you spend the rest of the day with these two?" he asked as he stood next to the table, Wanderweiss following him a few paces behind.

"Sure did Tousen-san. Wanted to make sure they didn't set anymore bad examples for Ichi-chan."

Tesla noted that Tousen seemed to stiffen slightly.

"No need to worry much longer though, everyone will be headed to bed soon enough, Ichi-chan looks ready to be tucked in already!" Gin continued, not seeming to notice Tousen's slightly stiffer posture.

"I can watch the child for tonight," the blind man offered quickly, and found the toddler in his arms inside of a second.

"Feel free to do so!" Tesla announced as he happily skipped away from the table, glad to be rid of the brat as soon as he was.

----------

For Tousen, if you had told him that he would one day be caring for children and/or invalids, he wouldn't have been surprised. Telling him that one of them would be a toddler Kurosaki: that would have thrown him for a good one.

All in all though, after finding out about what had happened to Kurosaki, he wasn't that surprised when he woke up that night after taking the child from Nnoitora and Tesla when he was certain that he had heard the sound of bones shifting. The sounds stopped after a few seconds though, and hearing no one in the room aside from the soft breathing of himself, Wonderweiss, and Kurosaki, he let himself fall back asleep.

----------

Scurrying little footsteps woke Tousen again early the next morning, right before a small weight jumped on top of him, squealing happily.

For a second, Tousen was certain that it had to be Lillinette, come to share her "love" with the rest of Las Noches and wake everyone up the same way she woke Stark up. That idea didn't last, not when his hands found the individuals head, and realized that the hair was too short to be Lillinette's, too short to be Wonderweiss's also.

"Kurosaki?"

"Unky Toesan!" Chirped a small voice, of what Tousen estimated came from a 3-4 year old throat. "Break-fast unky Toesan!"

----------

"Break-fast, break-fast, break-fast!" chanted the small child as the three of them headed toward the cafeteria, Tousen could tell that he was skipping slightly, but he was holding onto Wonderweiss's hand, just as Tousen had told him to do.

Other than being a bit bigger, having a slightly larger vocabulary, and infinitely more energy it would seem, the child seemed fine. Either way though, Tousen intended to talk to Aizen and Szayel as soon as he saw them.

Walking into the cafeteria was exactly as bad as he thought it would be; Halibel and her fraccion were on top of them within seconds of crossing the threshold, insuring that Ichigo was fine even as they cooed at how big he was getting and how cute he looked in the tiny white yukata that Tousen had dressed him in. Szayel appeared seconds later to take notes and start prodding Ichigo to see how he was being affected by the changes he was displaying.

Ichigo was fine with the attention from Halibel, Apache, Mira Rose, and Sun-sun, but Szayel was too much, and not in the least bit pleasant. The toddler clapped onto Halibel's leg and started shaking his head, swatting his hand at Szayel in an attempt to make him leave; Szayel only seemed to become more fascinated, even as Tousen finally spoke up.

"Szayel, I'm certain that your questions can wait until after breakfast, so leave Kurosaki for right now."

"But Tousen-san, I must gather this information quickly so that I can research more effectively! How did he age so quickly without the aid of another injection? Did food or reiatsu cause this change? Will he continue aging like this without further assistan-ugh!" Szayel choked as Halibel's hand shot out and grabbed his throat when he reached out to prod Ichigo's arm again.

"Don't touch him, especially when he so obviously doesn't want your filthy hands near him," Halibel's voice was quiet, but intense enough that even Stark, who was on the other side of the cafeteria, shuddered.

"There ya guys are!" came yet another cheery voice a second later, and Tousen almost found himself welcoming Gin's presence.

Kurosaki apparently recognized Gin as well, and the child seemed to light up instantly, squealing out "Unky Gin!" as he ran out to hug Gin's legs.

"Someone's getting big," Gin declared as he reached down to lift the young child. "Tousen-san, both you and Ichi-chan are eating with Aizen-sama and me this morning. Aizen's orders are that he wants Ichi-chan eating with him in the mornings, something about bonding or whatnot."

Tousen nodded as he called Wonderweiss over, noting the air of confusion that surrounded the boy. He wasn't surprised by it, he would be confused too if he didn't know what was really going on. It was surprising though that Aizen wanted Kurosaki Ichigo to bond with him.

Following Gin, who carried Ichigo, proved to be a little on the annoying side though, seeing how the man tickled or poked the child every so often, and the toddler happily laughed, squirmed, giggled, and tried to tickle Gin back. It got even more annoying when Ichigo managed to escape Gin's arms and started running around them, reaching out to poke or try to tickle each of them in turn, Wonderweiss becoming more and more confused by the second until he finally just attached himself to Tousen's side, reaching out to poke out at Ichigo as he ran by every so often.

The small group (and hyper tot) soon arrived at what Tousen recognized to be Aizen's private tea room, which he now was apparently using for group breakfasts with Gin, Ichigo, and whoever was supposed to be watching the kid. As soon as the doors opened, Ichigo ran inside and a slight chuckle could be heard coming from Aizen as the toddler raced over and hugged his legs.

"Someone is growing it would seem," Aizen commented as he patted the orange head then lifted the child up to put him in the high seat that was next to his chair. "Won't need that for more than another day at longest if you continue to grow at the rate you've been going."

Breakfast was brought in a few minutes later; miso soup, rice porridge, and broiled salmon. After the incident the day before involving the eggs and Gin, it seemed like a good idea to serve a breakfast that couldn't be so easily tossed about.

Wonderweiss seemed amazed at all the food, and Tousen had to remind himself that he wouldn't be used to this sort of fare. So he immediately found himself trying to teach Wonderweiss how to use chopsticks. Aizen and Gin on the other hand began talking straight away, with them asking Ichigo simple questions every so often. For a few minutes, things honestly felt as though they were a large, somewhat weird family, a situation that Tousen found odd but was comfortable with.

"GET BACK HERE!" A voice screamed out right as a pink haired being crashed through a wall and landed right on the table.

Gin yelped and jumped back slightly; Aizen stood gracefully and stared at the mess. Wonderweiss started yelling and shaking, and threw himself across the room so he could take shelter in a corner; Tousen followed after Wonderweiss a few seconds later to make sure he was alright. Ichigo screamed, and then began to cry, reaching out for someone to pick him up, which Gin oddly enough did.

Through the newly made hole in the wall, two figures began to take shape, but were only recognizable several seconds later.

"Mommy!" Ichigo sobbed from Gin's arms.

----------

Tousen had finally gotten Ichigo and Wonderweiss to calm down, in a way. They were now playing tag with one another, and had somehow pulled Zommari and several of Barragan's fraccion into the mess with them. And Gin was there as well.

"This way, Ichi-chan!"

"Poe, off! NOW!"

"Avirama, remove your foot!"

"Uuugh!"

"He DROOLED in my EYE!"

"Ggio, I'M GIVING YOU A HAIR CUT!"

Squeals and the pitter patter of little feet.

"HAHAHAHA!!! He's tickling me! Get him off!"

Tousen sighed as he shook his head slightly. Somehow or another, Gin had tripped up Zommari, Avirama, Ggio, Coolhorn, and Poe so they fell into a pile, then had set Wonderweiss on top of the pile as he ran off with Ichigo, who apparently had turned around and started poking and tickling the pile. Gin then chose to come running back and grabbed the toddler up before taking off again, this time right as Ggio, Avirama, and Coolhorn decided to release their respective zanpakuto.

Poe got a mouthful of feathers from Avirama as he tried to take flight to get out of the pile. This earned the birdman a slug to the head. Ggio's claws earned him a headlock from Zommari after ripping several long gauges in the seventh's back. At that point, the general dog pile broke apart though, mainly since no one wanted to be near Coolhorn in his released state. Even Wonderweiss ran to hide behind Tousen when he saw what Coolhorn had become.

"Get back here; or at least turn your eyes to see the most beautiful being in existence!" Charlotte Coolhorn yelled as he/she took off after Gin and Ichigo.

"Coolhorn does realize that at this rate, it's more likely we'll never see those two again before they will turn around and come back, doesn't he?" Tousen turned to acknowledge Barragan as he appeared.

"Most likely," Barragan replied. "But can you really think of never having to see Ichimaru again as that bad of a consequence?"

----------

"So let me get this straight, the two of you attacked Szayel because you were trying to beat the answer as to why Ichigo was growing without outside stimulus?" Aizen queried two of the three Espada that stood before him.

"For me, the reason was more because he wasn't able to prevent or avoid this particular age," Ulquiorra supplied. "Kurosaki is now at what is arguably the worst age of children."

"He scared Ichigo," Halibel replied.

Szayel was looking at the two in a bewildered manner.

"Be that as it may, you need to learn not to cause so much destruction, and practice some restraint, especially with your comrades. Now, Szayel, what have you found out thus far about why Kurosaki is aging now without another shot."

Szayel cleared his throat and began. "The shot that I originally applied to Kurosaki was one designed to have to be given again once every five days, with him aging within a few minutes of the application, but not between. I was estimating that it would take the better of five applications before he was at his proper age again."

At this point, Ulquiorra audibly groaned, not liking how this sounded at all.

"However," Szayel continued, "it seems as though his body and reiatsu has recognized the problem and absorbed the antidote so that he will recover much faster, and without the need for another dose from me. At least it seems like he will recover faster…"

"So everything will be fine with Kurosaki Ichigo then?" Aizen demanded.

"Yes, but somehow, his brain seems to also be affected. His memories seem to be rewriting themselves, but with people who are present here as the ones that are replacing the actual ones in his memory."

"So then, Ichigo actually believes that…CRASH!" Aizen was interrupted as Gin came screeching into the room, dropped the toddler Ichigo onto the ground, and started trying to barricade the door.

"MOMMY!" Ichigo screamed as he ran over to Halibel and latched onto her legs.

Halibel bent down to pick up the toddler even as Ulquiorra's eye twitched and Szayel began taking notes again.

"Gin, what is going on this time?" Aizen asked as he stood up from his throne.

"Aizen-sama, it's HORRIBLE! TERRIBLE! And I think it's after us! We came here because I was certain that you could protect us!"

"Ichigo-chan, what happened?" Aizen gently asked as he moved to stand next to Halibel, peering into child's eyes.

"The ugly lady with big lips is after us! She keeps saying she's beautiful and we have to look at her but I don't want to! Make her go away, daddy!" Ichigo cried as he reached out and clutched Aizen's sleeve, while burying his head into Halibel's chest.

Several jaws were scraping the floor at this point; Aizen's being one of them.

Even Szayel took a few seconds to regain himself before remembering his own observations thus far.

"Congratulations on your new son, Aizen-sama…" he murmured.

When Charlotte Coolhorn finally arrived several minutes later, he/she was immediately blown away by a wave of surprised reiatsu.

----------

Saria: (staring at chapter 354 of the Bleach manga)

Zas: So, does this change anything?

Tori: It does kind of make a difference in the series.

Saria: Then only difference this makes is that I would want to demand to Aizen's face why he didn't make a mandatory IQ test to become an Espada! It would have prevented Boulder-heads like Yammi from becoming freakin Espada!

SA: I think you just insulted boulders.

Alright, the espada that we have left to go through are: Zommari, Stark, Halibel, Barragan, and Aaroniero. So, voting time once more!


	9. Lizard

Saria: NO BLEACH THIS WEEK? DAMN YOU GOLDEN WEEK!

Zas: Halibel… Someone is obviously going to step in against her for Toushiro… Who?

SA and Saria: (look at each other) Lisa from the Vaizards.

Tori: NO!! I want Rose to do it…

Zas: So, who won the polls this time?

Saria: It was an extremely close one this time… Between Stark and Halibel, only one vote difference.

Tori: So, who won?

----------

The game of tag between Ichigo, Gin, Zommari, and Barragan's fraccion (minus Coolhorn) had finally started up again, this time though, Barragan and Tousen found theselves joined by Aizen, Halibel, Ulquiorra, and Szayel Aporro. The topic of discussion: what was to be done in regards to Kurosaki Ichigo.

Halibel was perfectly fine with being Ichigo's "mommy", and was fine with correcting the child if he continued to refer to Aizen as "daddy" if he didn't approve.

Szayel wanted to remove Ichigo back to the lab and see if these new views would affect his power.

Ulquiorra believed the child needed to be severely reprimanded and his actions corrected, neither Halibel nor Aizen were his mother and/or father, and he needed to realize that.

Tousen believed that Ulquiorra for once needed to calm down, and that Halibel was an excellent choice to watch over/raise Ichigo. She would make the boy a strong and loyal ally.

Barragan offered to have Ichigo raised as one of his fraccion.

None of them expected Aizen's final decision to be what it was.

"It works out well for us if Ichigo does believe that this is his family, even better if we make it true," Aizen told the group as he watched the toddler run and dodge around Ggio and Avirama. "So from this day forward, if Halibel agrees to this, she is now Ichigo's adoptive mother; and I shall be his adoptive father. As soon as his age seems to reach five, he will begin training in kidou with Tousen to regain his zanpakuto. That should better his general control of his reiatsu, and this adoption should ensure his loyalty to me and our cause."

"I will still expect for each Espada to take turns watching him, and moreover, attempt to teach Ichigo something, such as Literature, languages, swordmanship, or etiquette so that we can insure a well rounded up bringing. Any questions?"

Ulquiorra came very close to running to find Grimmjow and telling him of what had just transpired. That Kurosaki Ichigo had just been adopted by Aizen and a superior Espada and was to be raised to most likely become their superior. The volatile sexta would probably act as though he had just swallowed a lemon, and then go running off to do away with Kurosaki. Moreover, Grimmjow would then be the one in trouble, and Ulquiorra would have gotten rid of two HIGHLY annoying birds with one stone. But on the other hand, it wasn't everyday that one got to raise their own future superiors, and impress upon them what they believed was important. He could change Kurosaki into something that suited him a lot more than Gin or Tousen did, and he already knew that with the correct training, the boy would become very powerful…

Tousen listened faintly as the child ran through Poe's legs, Gin following afterwards, Avirama and Ggio slamming into the guys legs as Zommari stopped short and the trio collapsed backwards, Ichigo managing to get out of the way, Gin acting as the impromptu cushion for this mess as he laughed and forgot to get out of the way himself. The result, Poe was sitting on Gin who was screaming for help, Avirama and Ggio were sitting in Poe's lap, and Ichigo had grabbed Gin's hand and tried (ineffectually) to free the man. Tousen wondered if it would be best to teach the child offensive kidou like white lightning or shot of red fire first, or if he should start with binding kidou.

Szayel internally groaned, he already knew he would be expected to teach in the fields of science and computers, and that Aizen would expect the lessons to be milder things like physics and chemistry, not dissection.

Barragan simply shrugged, he really didn't feel as though this affected him.

"So, things being as they are now, I believe Ichigo would probably like to finish this game, then he should spend the rest of today with Halibel." Turning to the female Espada, Aizen gave her an imploring look. "Try to prevent him from starting anymore food fights, setting off any traps, or causing mental breakdowns."

With a loud howl, Poe finally jumped off of Gin; Zommari had finally gotten involved and kicked the fraccion on the small of his back. Ggio and Avirama, who had just scrambled off of the other fraccion, were now the new cushions for Poe. Their colorful language earned them a private "session" with Halibel a few seconds later.

----------

Halibel smiled behind her collar as she walked down the hall, Ichigo running around her excitedly. She almost felt like joining him in his frolicking. He was officially hers, by law as it stood in Hueco Mundo and Las Noches. The son of her and Aizen…

"Mommy, mommy! Look!" Ichigo held up a tiny hand that held a lizard that he had apparently just caught.

"It's very nice, Ichigo-kun," Halibel replied as she gazed down at the tiny lizard.

"What's very nice, Halibel-sama?" Mira Rose asked as she appeared.

Ichigo, having received such a positive response from his "mommy" over the lizard immediately rushed over to Mira Rose and showed her the lizard. Mira Rose grinned at the sight of the lizard in the child's hand and quickly patted Ichigo's head before turning her attention back to Halibel. "So, is Kurosaki with us today?"

"Is who with us today?" Sun-sun had just appeared and queried a question of her own, before uttering a quick "Oh," when Ichigo ran over to her to show her the captured lizard as well.

Halibel felt herself freeze over Mira Rose's question.

"So, the kid is with us today?" Apache asked as she appeared next to Sun-sun. A moment later, she caught sight of the lizard.

"AAUUUGH!!!" Apache screamed as she turned heel and fled the scene. Mira Rose stared after her for a second in shock before immediately asking Ichigo to give her the lizard, and then charged after Apache with the lizard raised high over her head. Ichigo giggled at the sight of Mira Rose chasing Apache with the lizard.

Only Sun-sun noticed Halibel's sudden confusion and heard her wonder aloud, "Is his name really Kurosaki anymore?"

----------

"So, how are we going to determine if Kurosaki has really been turned into a baby or not?" Renji demanded. It had been a few days, and they had finally decided to touch on the issue of "was the ice cream covered toddler we saw in Las Noches really Kurosaki Ichigo, and if it was what are we going to do?" Rukia had finally recovered enough to leave bed unaided and Isshin was also present.

"We need to get back there, back to Las Noches, and get a better look at the kid, scan his reiatsu, ask some questions," Ishida declared from across the table.

"The only good news out of this that I can see is that it is highly unlikely that Kurosaki-kun is being tortured or will come out with any sort of traumatizing experience. I am quite sure that Aizen would never harm a child that isn't a threat to him," Urahara pointed out.

Yoruichi sighed though. "Just the fact that if that was indeed Ichigo, and he was in the kitchen, sitting in ice cream tells me that he isn't being harmed. If anything, it would seem as though they are spoiling him."

"Most likely, if anyone has been traumatized, Ichigo was the cause of it!" Isshin said with a grin. When everyone stared at him, Isshin continued. "Ichigo only became such a serious and angry person after his mother was killed. Before that, he was an award winning troublemaker to everyone but his mother, and was quite the ladies-man, much like his old man!" Isshin bellowed the last part with great pride. Everyone present sweatdropped.

----------

"So, how about Tiburon Ichigo?" Apache suggested as she bounced the small boy on her knee.

"But that's Halibel-sama's zanpakuto! He should have her last name." Sun-sun pointed out.

"Halibel-sama, what is your last name?" Apache asked.

Halibel shrugged slightly, then reached over to take her new son from Apache.

"Wasn't there an architect that had a name similar to Halibel-sama? Harry Bell Measures?" Mira Rose asked as she played with the lizard that she had taken from Ichigo and was still holding onto. She grinned as she noticed Apache tensing at the sight of the lizard.

"Measures Ichigo? Eww!" Apache cried out.

"Since Aizen-sama has recognized him as a legitimate son, traditionally Ichigo would take Aizen-sama's name as his own," Halibel pointed out as she bounced Ichigo slightly, before he caught sight of the lizard in Mira Rose's hands and reached out for it.

"Aizen Ichigo," Sun-sun tried the name out before shaking her head slightly, it didn't feel right to her.

"He needs a pet…" Apache muttered as she shifted away from the lizard.

"So, Apache is afraid of a little lizard?!" Mira Rose crowed as she saw the other's shifting.

"AM NOT!" the horned girl roared at the Amazon.

"You two are being immature," Sun-sun stated coldly as she stood to follow Halibel who had just departed the room.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY, SUN-SUN?!" the two demanded as they followed Halibel, Ichigo, and Sun-sun down the hall, their bickering getting worse as they descended down a set of stairs and onto a walkway that connected some of the larger internal buildings of Las Noches.

Ichigo grinned as his "mommy" set him down, and ran over to a wall to let the little lizard go, then ran back to hold onto her extended hand as they continued on their way.

Apache stopped bickering for a few seconds as she shuddered at the sight of the lizard.

"Where are we going Halibel-sama?" Sun-sun asked as they moved across the walkway, before she froze for a second. The building they were headed toward was the one where Ulquiorra and Yammy lived.

"To find out if Aizen-sama has any preference on what Ichigo is called."

Apache, Mira Rose, and Sun-sun all nodded at Halibel's logic, Aizen-sama would certainly know what he wanted Ichigo named, and like it or not, the fastest way to get to his rooms was by this route.

The building was quiet, too quiet, and despite the fact that they remained in the main traversing corridors, not the private ones, the three fraccion could feel the cold presence of Ulquiorra and the wild, unrestrained one of Yammy. Though Halibel and Ichigo seemed unaffected, the other three began to feel nervous, to the point where when Yammy did suddenly, a small hollow dog trooping behind him, Apache and Mira Rose jumped slightly and stood behind Sun-sun, who seemed rooted to her spot.

"Ho, and where are you guys heading?" Yammy asked, Ichigo cringing slightly behind Halibel, who was the only one who appeared unaffected by him.

"To see Aizen-sama," Halibel replied as she stepped around Yammy, but stopped when Ichigo reached out to lightly pet the small dog that followed Yammy around.

The small dog yipped slightly, and got closer to Ichigo so that he would pet him more, and when Ichigo complied, the little dog rolled over so he would pet his stomach.

Yammy either didn't care, or didn't notice that his dog was otherwise occupied, as he leered at Haribel's fraccion. "So, the brat is staying with you guys now? How much chaos has he caused you?"

The eyes of all four women narrowed at the reference to Ichigo, but Yammy's pleased changed to annoyed as he turned to set off and noticed his dog happily playing with the child. Said dog had now turned back over and was licking Ichigo's face even as the boy continued to laugh and rub his ears.

"Little pest," Yammy muttered as he reached down and made to knock the brat away from his dog. He was stopped by Halibel and Ulquiorra simultaneously.

"I wouldn't suggest you do that," Ulquiorra flatly said as he released Yammy's arm.

"Why is that, Ulquiorra?" Yammy asked as Halibel lifted Ichigo up and walked down the hall, followed closely by Apache, Mira Rose, and Sun-sun. The dog followed them as well. Right as they turned a corner and lost sight of the duo, they heard Yammy yell a very loud, "WHAT?!"

Their arrival at the throne room was announced by Gin almost pouncing on Halibel when he saw her holding Ichigo, resulting in Ichigo getting put back down onto the floor as he ran around Haribel's legs, swatting at Gin, who tried to tickle him.

"Halibel, is something wrong?" Aizen's voice rang out over the throne room.

"Daddy!" Ichigo called out in excitement as he dodged Gin hands once more before running toward Aizen who welcomed him by lifting him up into a gentle hug.

"Nothing is wrong Aizen-sama, we just wanted to determine one thing," Halibel replied.

"What would that be?"

"What is Ichigo's official name from now on?" Halibel queried.

"I suggested Tiburon Ichigo since Halibel-sama doesn't seem to have a last name and that is her Zanpakuto," Apache declared.

"There was a human architect by the name of Harry Bell Measures, since there names are so similar, I suggested that," Mira Rose stated.

"Then there is also the point that you now recognize him as your son, so there is the possibility of Aizen Ichigo," Sun-sun finished.

Aizen stared at the women for a few seconds before turning his eyes back to the child in his arms, his mind quickly turning over the facts.

----------

Saria: Alright, so there are two votes going on right now!

Who will watch Ichigo next? Choices: Zommari, Stark, Aaroniero, and Barragan.

Which name will Aizen choose? Choices: Tiburon, Measures, Aizen, or keep Kurosaki.

Zas: Chapter started to get long…

Tori: And you wrote it a lot sooner than we thought.

SA: I blame Golden Week and boredom…


	10. Eaten

Saria: (is looking extremely peeved as she stares out the window)

Tori: Look on the bright side Saria, the rain has caused classes to be cancelled!

SA: (glares at Tori) This isn't rain, it's a FLOOD!

Zas: Umm… Saria, I think you need to rescue your car.

Saria: And put it WHERE might I ask? (glares when she sees that the water is easily at least mid thigh deep)

SA: Well, might as well write the story. Not like you have anything else to do right now…

----------

"Aizen, his name will be Aizen Ichigo," Aizen said as he bounced the small boy he held slightly. Ichigo laughed as he was bounced and hugged Aizen's arm happily before he slipped out of his "father's" arms and began to play happily with Yami's (former) dog.

"Of course Aizen-sama," Halibel replied as she watched Ichigo scratch the hollow dog behind the ears.

"One other thing, Halibel," Aizen began before she could gather the boy and leave. "Ichigo-chan will soon be big enough to train, but he doesn't have any appropriate clothing. I believe by the time the weavers and tailors here in Las Noches would be able to rectify that situation, it will already be too late. So, I believe you should take an experimental gigai from Szayel and go to the human world so we can get a quick fix for the situation. Buy a number of clothes, especially ones for training, and in multiple sizes so that we can hopefully stay ahead of his growth."

"What of the child?" Halibel asked as she tore her eyes from Ichigo to look Aizen in the eye. "Shall I bring him with me?"

"No," Aizen answered firmly. "There is the possibility of you being attacked by the Shinigami, especially if you have Ichigo-chan with you. You should take your fraccion with you instead, so that if there is an attack, you can defend yourself, and not lose any of your purchases."

"But if I take Apache, Mira Rose, and Sun-sun with me, who will care for Ichigo?"

Gin grinned as he stuck his head into the throne room and was immediately noticed by Ichigo; who quickly rushed over to him.

"Hey Ichi-chan, I got you a surprise! Don't open it now though, no showing it to anyone else, and no telling where you got it from," Gin whispered as he tucked a small package into the child's yukata.

----------

"Now be a good boy Ichigo, and don't do anything that Gin tells you to do," Halibel lectured as she carried the child into a different portion of the fortress. "For that matter, don't do anything Yami, Nnoitora, or Szayel tell you to do either. Am I understood?"

"Yes mommy," Ichigo answered in a dejected sounding voice. "Why can't I come?"

"Because, I think you would be bored where I'm going. Here you can play with fraccion, the dog, and other little animals." Ichigo simply pouted. "I'll be back soon enough, and when I return I'll have some new things for you."

Ichigo still looked dejected, but she did notice a slight spark in his eyes at the promise of  
"new things".

Halibel then shoved open a door that they had just arrived at and gently put Ichigo down, right as a girl with shoulder length hair and a helmet style mask appeared.

"Lillinette, this is Ichigo, you and Stark are going to be watching him for the next couple of hours until I get back from a mission. Don't let any harm come to him." Halibel's voice was extremely firm at the last statement. She was gone only a moment later.

"So, you're the pipsqueak everyone's been talking about! Pleased to meet you, I'm Lillinette! The lazy bastard over on the cushions who is faking sleep is Stark!"

Ichigo's face was instantly hot as his temper rose. "My name is Ichigo, not pipsqueak!"

"Anyway, you want to have some fun, Ichigo?" Lillinette asked, and at Ichigo's nod she immediately grabbed the boy's hand, turned, and sprinted across the room, jumping when she was about halfway across the room, and landed feet first on Stark's chest, dragging Ichigo the entire way. The insane girl then proceeded to start tickling Stark after his initial waking yelp, not stopping for several minutes, even when Ichigo joined in on the torturing of the Espada.

----------

Lillinette made a face at the closed door, the one that was meant to keep her out of Stark's bedroom, where he had retreated to as soon as there was a break in her's and Ichigo's attacks.

Ichigo on the other hand, decided that he should see what it was that Uncle Gin had gotten him, and though he knew that his uncle had told him not to show it to anyone, his mommy had said to not do anything that Gin said, so he probably should show Lillinette at least. Luckily, Lillinette saved him the effort of calling her over when she noticed the small package that the small boy was holding and rushed over to take a peek at what was inside.

"Wow," Ichigo said as he stared at the contents. "YUM!"

----------

"CANDY!!!"

Stark immediately lurched upright, horror filling his being when he heard Lillinette's voice scream that terrifying word in jubilation.

----------

The two children quickly split up the treats, laughing when several of the treats would up being pastries.

Ichigo grabbed a pastry happily and bit into it after swallowing his first handful of candy. The pastry was filled with a jelly-like substance that tasted like raspberries, and it dribbled all over the front of his yukata.

When Lillinette noticed, she began to giggle, but Ichigo retaliated by throwing the pastry at her, splattering her clothes with red also.

"Ichigo, now we're both dirty!" Lillinette exclaimed as she grabbed the boy's hand, causing him to drop the sweets box, and they both went into the changing area where Lillinette quickly threw off her clothes and covered herself with a towel before turning and assisting Ichigo with his clothing as well.

"Need new clothes!" Lillinette said, as she felt a new rush of energy take a hold of her. She then raced towards her room, Ichigo in tow, dumping their old, dirty clothing on the floor of the main room.

----------

'It was just a bad dream,' Stark told himself, even as he got up to go check on the children. 'Lillinette knows that she is not allowed candy, and who would give her any to start with? Barragan and Ulquiorra would never do something like that for anyone; Halibel wasn't here; Nnoitora or Grimmjow would do it to torture him; Zommari didn't seem the type; Szayel and Yami were also definite no's; Aaroniero, maybe if he were trying to set up a trap to capture hollows to consume…'

Pausing at the door, Stark listened for a moment, listening intently for any sounds from the other room. For a long second, nothing could be heard aside from what sounded a lot like chewing noises and several cracks and snaps, then a door banged open and a set of feet scuttled out.

Grabbing the handle for his door, Stark unlocked the door to his room and threw it open, casting a confused eye across the room before he caught sight of a horrifying thing. Lillinette's clothes were on the floor, and they were covered in a thick red substance.

Rushing over to the discarded clothes, Stark felt his foot slip on another piece of discarded clothing and he landed hard on his rear, but his attention was quickly drawn to the small piece of clothing now wrapped around his foot. A small yukata, and it was covered in the red stuff also! Lillinette and Ichigo were running around without their clothes!

'Wait a second,' Stark thought as he noticed one more out of place item in the room, a small package that had some sugar crystals around it. A package for sweets. Stark's thoughts immediately flashed back to when he was trying to determine who would give out candy.

"AARONIERO!" Stark yelled as he rushed out of the room, zanpakuto at the ready. Maybe he could still rescue the little ones if he found that bastard fast and sliced open his stomach. This time of day, if Aaroniero had just eaten a big meal, he would be in the restricted training area practicing with his resurrection form.

As he rushed down the halls toward that location, Stark felt his blood rush. If anything happened to Lillinette, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself. And if anything happened to Ichigo, Halibel would have his hide. What made him certain though that Aaroniero would have eaten those two was the fact he knew that that idiot had in fact tried it before. Everyone knew that Aaroniero had practically had his jaw ripped off by Ulquiorra afterwards, though not many knew that it had happened when Ulquiorra was attempting to liberate his fist from the other's mouth.

About halfway to the training ground though, Stark ran into someone who was ALMOST unexpected. Tesla. Who upon spying Stark had immediately started running at the mouth.

"Did you hear about what happened? Can you believe it? I mean I know that Aizen wanted Kur- I mean Ichigo-san to join us, but to go this far? Unheard of! Nnoitora-sama just found out, and he was peeved!"

"Heard about what?" Stark replied as he continued his forward rush.

"Aizen-sama adopted Ichigo-san!"

Stark almost misstepped at that comment. The situation had just gotten a lot worse with that one comment. If Ichigo had even a scratch on him now, not just Halibel, but Aizen would have his hide as well!

Pushing his speed faster than ever, Stark quickly left Tesla in his wake and he barreled onto the training ground at full speed. Sure enough, there was Aaroniero, in his released form, fighting and devouring several lower class Arrancar and hollows.

"Choke them up you bastard!" Stark yelled as he charged at the bloated abomination.

----------

"StarkynothereStarkynotherewhere'sStarky!" Lillinette chanted as she bounced on her heels.

"Wannaplaygottaplay," Ichigo bounced on his heels just as eagerly.

"Lillinette, did you see Stark?" Tesla poked his head into the room. "I just passed him and he was running full speed toward the restricted training grounds. He looked like he was panicked or something!"

"Starkywenttothetraininggrounds?! Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! Ichigoletsgo!" The young girl gushed as she grabbed Ichigo's hand again and ran out of the room. They left behind a very confused Tesla who was wondering why the two were just wearing towels.

----------

"Where are they?!" Stark yelled as he sliced into Aaroniero's hide for the fifth time, reaching into the fat form of the other's resurrection, finding another only partially digested being, yanking them out, and searching to see if there were anymore. He was so engrossed in his self appointed task that he completely missed Lillinette and Ichigo racing onto the training grounds, tripping other the body of one of the arrancar that Stark had rescued, and both falling head first into the first cut created by Stark.

Aaroniero missed it as well when the two entered, but both noticed soon enough when Lillinette started hacking her way out using her zanpakuto.

"Lillinette!" Stark yelled, relief flooding him to see her relatively unharmed, though covered in guts and gore, and she was naked as well. "Where's Ichigo?"

"He's down there too?!" Aaroniero yelled but was ignored by both the Primera and the fraccion.

"Starky! IchigoandItrippedandhe'sstillinsidethatthing! GethimoutStarky!" Lillinette, though slightly more sober due to the traumatic event of TOUCHING Aaroniero, was still sugar high, and now just more excited.

Stark didn't hesitate as he charged the widened hole that Lillinette caused and started digging through the mess, once again ignoring Aaroniero's screams of rage and pain. Seconds passed, then about two feet to the right of Stark, another sword appeared. Thinking that it was just another unfortunate trying to escape Aaroniero's bowels, Stark turned his attention back to trying to find the helpless Ichigo. Then an orange mop of hair appeared behind the sword.

Stark's arms lashed out in an instant to grab the child's shoulders and tug him out as well. The boy slid out relatively easily, and Stark saw that he, like Lillinette, was in only his birthday suit. He also looked a lot more dazed than Lillinette, and his first words were, "Lost towel…"

"What happened? Who's zanpakuto is that?" Stark asked as he set Ichigo down and began to scan around the area, looking for something to cover the kids with.

"Side ways world, old man said had to get out and he could help. Sword appeared then and I don't know what happened! Scaried!" Ichigo said as he began to tear up.

"It's okay now," Stark soothed as he realized that Ichigo had unknowingly called forth his Zanpakuto. He grabbed a jacket from a groaning mess of a male and quickly wrapped it around Lilinette's shoulders. He turned his attention back to locating something for Ichigo when Lillinette began to laugh again.

"Lillinette, what's wrong?" Stark asked, almost afraid that she had finally cracked and was going to jump onto the insane bandwagon with Szayel.

"I have a sister now! See?" Lillinette replied as Stark turned to see that Ichigo was now dressed, in a SKIRT! A skirt that Lillinette had gotten from one of the scantily clad girls lying on the ground.

Stark felt his eye begin to twitch and reminded himself that he knew Lillinette, and that this shouldn't surprise him. The fact it did didn't help the twitch.

"Lillinette, why don't you go to your room and get some clothes to wear?" Stark asked as he took another jacket from another male and wrapped Ichigo in that, lifting the boy's zanpakuto also. He needed to report this development to Aizen.

"Because I'm out of uniforms…" Lillinette replied as she followed Stark out of the area, all of them once again ignoring Aaroniero's yells.

----------

A bath and a visit to the supply room later, and both Lillinette and Ichigo were fresh and clothed. The former was now running through a series of katas using her own zanpakuto, and jabbering happily to Stark on games she wanted to play with Ichigo after her practice session. Ichigo on the other hand, was wiped out by their adventure and gaining his zanpakuto and was currently napping on Stark's favorite mound of pillows. Stark wished he could take a nap as well, but after what happened last time with the two children when left unattended, he decided that that would be a bad idea.

Gin had stopped by also and had heard all about Aaroniero's ploy to consume the children by luring them out with candy and Ichigo awakening his zanpakuto. Stark decided for everyone's sake though, he'd leave out the part where Ichigo and Lillinette were actually eaten. Gin had agreed to go and inform Aizen of his son's adventures and to insure that Aaroniero received a harsh punishment.

And it could have only been his imagination, but Stark was almost certain he heard Aaroniero screaming later on, right before Halibel came to pick up Ichigo for that matter. The odd part was, Gin told him later that there was almost a thirty minute gap between the time when she checked in with Aizen and when she came to pick up Ichigo when it didn't even take ten minutes to get from the throne room to Stark's rooms.

----------

Saria: Ok, that's the chapter, so once again, we shall vote as to who gets shafte… I mean, who gets to babysit Ichigo next!

Tori: Choses that now remain: Zommari, Barragan, and Aaroniero! And just so everyone knows, I think Saria is planning on extending this fic, maybe even writing a sequel since there have been so many requests for one!

Zas: She's already making plans for it, now she just needs motivation!

SA: Saria, WATER! (points at where water is finally starting to enter the apartment despite the duct tape on the door and windows)

Saria: HOLY MONKEYS! (grabs her cat, her laptop, and a poncho, and runs to join her neighbors on the roof) DAMN YOU VOLUSIA COUNTY!


	11. Cero!

SA and Saria: (angrily fuming)

Zas: Well, it took three days of sitting on the roof, but we were eventually rescued!

SA: And they stuck us in a storm shelter…

Saria: With about 30 people in every room…

Tori: And the showers here are just awful!

SA and Saria: (both glare at Tori)

Zas: Look on the bright side, we'll be able to return to the apartment in about 2 weeks, once all the carpet has been ripped out and replaced, the dry wall torn out, doors replaced, an electrician has cleared the electrical outlets and a plumber has checked the pipes… We'll need to replace the furniture… And the food in the fridge…

All: (stare glumly at the crowded shelter room) Sigh…

----------

The next day went smooth enough for everyone in Las Noches, or about as smooth as things could get with a 3 year old Ichigo present.

Aizen decided that due to Ichigo awakening his zanpakuto, he should immediately start learning kidou. So it was not surprising when at breakfast that morning that Halibel was told that she would need to bring Ichigo to the training grounds with her. Ichigo had cheered from his high seat and accidentally splashed the side of Gin's head with miso soup.

Luckily, Gin knew better than to start a food fight that morning though, so he let it slide.

----------

Ichigo laughed as he ran out onto the main training grounds with his mommy and saw that "unky Toesan" was already there and had had several targets set up, "unky Gin" was helping him set up the last of the targets and along the sidelines of the area that they had taken control of, a number of fraccion and several of the espada were arranging themselves to watch the lesson.

Halibel was pleased to see that her fraccion were already there and had gotten prime seats, right next to Barragan and… she winced when she saw that she would be next to Szayel. Ulquiorra and Yammi had shown up, the latter of them holding several large bags of popcorn.

Aaroniero was nowhere in sight, not that Halibel blamed him or cared, especially after the beating she had given him the night before.

As she walked over to the area that her fraccion had reserved, Halibel wondered for a second which field of kidou Tousen would start Ichigo with; hadou or bakudou. Some part of her hoped it would be hadou, because she was willing to admit that as scary as you would think it could be to see Ichigo running around firing fireballs and lightning, Halibel did believe it would be a lot worse if Ichigo were capable of binding people. At least most of the arrancar would stand a decent chance at survival if they just had to dodge fireballs and lightning.

Turning her attention back onto the practice field, Halibel watched as Tousen approached Ichigo, giving him a basic introduction to kidou and the uses of it as well as helping him take on the proper stance for firing kidou. Then, Tousen pointed at one of the targets, stepping back as Ichigo turned his attention toward the target and raised his hands to point them at the target… And stood there.

"Hey, Tousen," Gin said as he noted the child's confusion. "You did remember to tell him what the incantation for the spell was, didn't you?"

Tousen practically tripped over himself as he rushed back out to Ichigo.

----------

"Ok, everyone ready to try this for the second time?" Urahara called out to Renji, Chad, Ishida, and Rukia.

"Just open the garganta already!" Renji called back as he adjusted his stance.

"Remember, I'm going to try to get you guys as close to Kurosaki-kun's position as I can. When you get there, try to determine if he is fact a small child or not. Either way though, you need to bring him back!" Urahara smiled as the garganta finally opened and the assorted shinigami and humans jumped into the opening.

----------

"Bind thy hands and walk the path of peace!" Ichigo yelled as he pointed his hands at the target. All of the gathered shinigami and arrancar felt a sharp spike in the boy's reiatsu. "Bakudou number 1: Sai!"

For a moment it seemed as though nothing happened, then the target he was aiming at exploded into a shower of splinters and sparks. Quite different from Tousen's example that just had a series of imprints that looked as though ropes had been pulled too tightly around the target.

Tousen moved quickly to where the target had previously stood and began yet another long winded lecture, this one on how Ichigo was overloading the technique and how he should try holding back on some of his reiatsu, not just let it go.

"Try it again!" he called to the boy after the explanation was done.

Ichigo nodded as he prepared to fire again.

"Ano, Tousen-san," Gin called out from the sidelines.

"Not right now, Ichimaru," Tousen answered, not wanting to be bothered at the moment.

"But, don't you think you sh…" Gin was cut off by Grimmjow's hand covering his mouth.

"Bind thy hands and walk the path of peace! Bakudou number 1: Sai!" Ichigo called out as he aimed at one of the targets.

Tousen, to his credit, knew he was not stupid. But he did have a tendency to miss some rather obvious things in hindsight. Things such as like when he became a known traitor of Soul Society, of course Komamura was going to turn on him. And probably would have killed him if he had not first tried to take on Aizen. This fact was being proven again as he realized, right as Ichigo finished the incantation, that he was easily standing in either the path of the spell, or the immediate blast radius. Once again though, as luck would have it, he was saved, due to an alarm going off right as spell was released and Ichigo's reiatsu flow was stemmed due to the diversion of the child's attention.

The result: Ichigo accidentally fired a perfect Bakudou number 1. And it was aimed straight at Tousen; who went crashing down to his knees and face planted into the sand.

Despite the alarms, Tousen's muffled yells of surprise easily got the attention of every being that had been watching the training session; at least thirty Arrancar plus Gin. There was lots of muffled laughter, some pointing, Grimmjow laughing with abandon, and a number of wagers being paid out.

"Espada numbers 3, 4, 5, and 6 are to prepare for battle immediately. Shinigami and humans have come to Hueco Mundo," A voice called out over the intercom system. "Aizen-sama wishes for those numbers and their fraccion to report to the meeting room for review of the plans."

Halibel jumped up at her number being called and was further surprised to hear that they wished for her to bring her fraccion with her as well. There wasn't going to be anyone to watch Ichigo!

Barragan, in an odd moment of kindness, noticed her distress and chose to lend a hand.

"Go on, I'll watch the brat Halibel," he told her, noting that she jumped slightly in surprise at his offer.

Narrowing her eyes as she realized that at the moment this was the best she could hope for, Halibel answered, "Thank you Barragan," before turning and making her way off the training grounds, Apache, Mira Rose, and Sun-Sun falling in step behind her.

Taking note of the fact that Tousen was probably out for the count, mainly because he was struggling and rolling around in the sand, Barragan rose from his seat and marched out onto the strip that Ichigo was situated on.

"Tousen looks as though he won't be of much use right now, so I'll be taking over this lesson," Barragan announced as he signaled to his fraccion. Poe and Findor jumped up and rushed to Tousen, lifting him and removing the still entangled Shinigami from the target area.

"Seeing as how I'm unable to perform kidou though, but also realizing that you have hollow abilities, I'm going to teach you techniques that are primary for an Arrancar. They are the cero, bala, and how to open a garganta."

Another signal brought Ggio and Coolhorn out onto the firing range.

"Ggio, demonstrate a bala," Barragan ordered.

"Yes sir!" Ggio answered as he turned to the targets and fired a simple low-powered bala at one of them, just denting the wooden target.

"Coolhorn, demonstrate a cero."

"Of course!" Coolhorn declared as he swung around to face the targets, adapting a ridiculous pose as he did involving tucking one leg up like a flamingo and throwing his arms up like a ballerina's. "Beautiful Charlotte Coolhorn's Holy Final Wonderful Pretty…"

Barragan face palmed as various other arrancer groaned, hid their faces, puked, or any combination of the aforementioned. Ichigo was the luckiest in that he was able to duck behind Barragan while covering his ears.

"Super Magnum Sexy Sexy Glam-"

"Enough!" Barragan boomed, cutting Coolhorn off and saving the vision and hearing of the amassed arrancar plus Gin and Tousen. "Just a cero Coolhorn, no displays!"

"Cero," Coolhorn deadpanned as he shot one at a target, incinerating the thing and then began to walk in a dejected fashion back toward the seating area.

"Finally, we have Garganta's, which look like this," Barragan said in a calm tone as he opened one of the black mouths. "Using these, travel between this world and the world of humans is possible. A being who is advanced in the usage of these is capable of using them to get anywhere that they could possibly want to go, even into the Soul Society."

Ichigo moved out from behind Barragan to get a better look at the garganta, then smiled and declared "Cool!" in a loud voice, and all were a little surprised to hear an echo.

"So, which do you want to learn first Ichi-chan?" Gin asked as he approached the Espada and child.

"Echo!" Ichigo called into the void and laughed when word came back to him.

It was then that Tousen finally was able to break the binding kidou, as with a loud groan he pushed all of his remaining reiatsu against the technique. A blinding flash and shock wave threw everyone off balance for a second, and then it was over.

There was just one problem.

"ICHI-CHAN FELL INTO THE GARGANTA!" Gin screamed, and jumped into the tear. He was followed by Barragan, Poe, Avirama, Nirgge, Ggio, and Szayel Aporro plus two of his fraccion. The rip closed before any of the others on the training grounds could follow, and every one of them shared the same thought, which was: 'We are so dead if Aizen and Halibel find out about this.'

----------

"So, do you feel him? Where is he?" Renji demanded as he stared at Ishida, who was attempting to scan the area to locate Kurosaki Ichigo.

"He's… not… here. Not anywhere," the quincy replied as he tried to scan again.

"Then they must have him restrained or something," Rukia said as she scrutinized Las Noches. "Do you think we should have brought Orihime along rather than have her wait on the other side, you know, just in case?"

"No, it's better this way. After all, Aizen did seem interested in her powers," Ishida replied. "Still no sign of Kurosaki…"

"We better start searching then," Chad said as he took one toward one of the nearby building.

----------

Falling through a black abyss was not something that Ichigo would call fun by any means of the imagination, even if it did make funny noises. So when he dropped out of the black space and into a rather modest looking park, the tiny child began to sob out of pure relief.

----------

The arrancar plus Gin landed in what seemed like a warehouse district and none of them could feel the brat's reiatsu. Apparently, after Grimmjow's first attack the Soul Society had set up some sort of block to prevent the arrancar from using their pesquisa to locate those with heightened reiatsu. That meant that they were going to have to split up and look for the kid themselves. The agreed upon signal was a single bala to be fired into the air if they found him followed by an immediate retreat back to Las Noches.

----------

"Why are you crying?" a voice asked Ichigo as he slowly pulled himself together.

"Not crying!" the orange haired child denied. "Big boys don't cry!"

"You were too crying!" declared the young girl who was apparently the one who had initially asked him why he had been crying. Her hair was short and brown, and Ichigo had a sudden sense of déjà vu, as though he knew this girl.

"Was not!" he yelled back at the girl.

"Were too!"

----------

Gin scanned the street he was currently on, checking for reiatsu, orange hair, or white clothing. All three were in short supply, especially on small children.

But Gin did see one thing that he recognized. Urahara Kisuke, and next to him was Shihouin Yoruichi!

Gin stifled a giggle when he saw that they were holding hands.

----------

Ggio and Nirgge plowed through the crowd of children that they had found coming out of the tall white building. Both would grab one, pick that kid up, usually determine that it couldn't be Ichigo, and set them down again.

There were several problems with this though: the first was that they were standing outside of a school that had just let out. The next was that the kids thought that they were playing rocket ship and started forming lines. The last was that parents and teachers were starting to get interested.

"Ggio, I think I've seen this one before!" Nirgge shouted as he set the kid down.

"I know!" Ggio said as he stared at the child he had just lifted. "How many of these things are there in this world?"

----------

"I'm going to kill 'em, I'm going to smash 'em, I'm going to…"

"Avirama, there is no need to start making war cries just because one person was rude to you," Poe said as he pushed Avirama away from the confused owner of the newsstand.

"Did you hear what he said to me?!" Avirama screamed as he turned and shot an evil eye at the man.

"He said no, that he hadn't seen an orange haired brat and with your attitude he would sooner call the police than tell you if he did," Poe replied smoothly as he turned to a woman who they were about pass on the side walk. "Have you seen a young boy, about 3 to 4 years old with orange hair?"

"Can't say that I have, why do you ask?" the woman replied.

"Because we are obviously looking for one, he's our master's son!" Avirama yelled, silently cursing the idiocy of some people.

The woman was obviously taken back a bit by Avirama's tone, but then pointed toward a particular building. "I think I'm going to go alert the police about you two…"

----------

"Szay-el Apo-rro-sama!"

"Sz-ay-el Ap-orro-sa-ma!"

Szayel turned to look as his two fraccion, Lumina and Verona, bounced up to him.

"Found him, found him!" Lumina chanted as he held up a small child, and Szayel groaned.

"That is not him!" Szayel snapped as he took the child from Lumina and set it down. "First and foremost, this is a girl! Not a boy! Also, her hair is black, not orange. Now, I want the two of you to…"

"Excuse me," a rather angry looking woman huffed as she rushed up to the small group. The little girl happily ran up to the woman. "Your… men here just took my daughter! What have you to say about this?"

"That we weren't after your little brat and that you need to seriously consider a diet. Now take your worthless daughter and leave, we're busy!" Szayel snapped. A second later he received a face full of the woman's purse.

----------

"Were too!"

"Was not!"

Barragan turned his head at the sound of a young boy's voice, and was glad to see an orange head. Jumping the hedge into the park, the elderly espada easily made his way over to the two squabbling children. Before he could get to them though, a weird guy with a beard suddenly jumped in.

"Children! No fighting!" the man declared as he waved his arms wildly. "I know how to make you two laugh!" Pulling several clothes pins out of his pants, the man proceeded to clip them to his beard, then struck a pose and yelled out "Bearded drama!" in a dramatic fashion.

Barragan was aghast. This guy made Coolhorn seem normal!

"You've done this before and it was no funnier then than it is now!" the girl yelled as she grabbed the clothes pins and yanked, hard.

"Karin, my sweet daughter, why do you hurt daddy like this?!" The grown man cried as he began to cry.

Barragan had seen enough. Reaching over, he easily lifted Ichigo up and whispered, "Lets get you out of here before you pick up any unsavory habits." Pointing his hand to the sky, the espada fired a quick bala and turned to leave, but the man's next comment stopped him in his tracks.

"Arrancar!" the goofy man suddenly hissed. "What do you think you're doing with that child?"

"Nothing that should concern you, human," Barragan replied as he ripped the space behind him, opening the garganta, and stepped through.

----------

"Aizen-sama! You'll never guess what I saw in the human world!" Gin announced as he giddily rushed into the throne room, right as Halibel, Ulquiorra, Nnoitora, and Grimmjow marched past him, on their way to deal with the intruders. They were followed by their respective fraccion.

"What would that be, Gin?" Aizen asked, ready for some news.

----------

Ichigo, Barragan, Ggio, Nirgge, Poe, Avirama, and Szayel minus two fraccion were back on the training grounds, the garganta just beginning to close when Halibel and the other espada arrived, as well the intruders.

Halibel's eyebrows raised when she saw the garganta, and the mostly empty training grounds, but before she could ask any questions, the entire group of intruders rushed toward Ichigo.

Charlotte Coolhorn believed that this could finally be his/her chance to prove that he/she was both strong and beautiful. And he/she could do it with his/her ultimate attack!

"BEHOLD!" it yelled as it jumped before the intruders. "Beautiful Charlotte Coolhorn's Holy Final Wonderful Pretty Glamorous Super Magnum…"

Everyone on the training grounds froze in horror at Coolhorn's stances and ultra long-windedness. And poor Ichigo was the closest of everyone and received the full blast of the sheer horrific sight. Yet somewhere in his young mind, something clicked, and he raised his hand, preparing to fire.

"Sexy Sexy AUGHHH!!!" Charlotte Coolhorn screamed as it lurched forward. "MY BUM IS BURNING!!!" And sure enough, the seat of Coolhorn's pants were ablaze, caused by the cero that Ichigo had just fired.

With the horror spell caused by Coolhorn finally over, Renji and Chad were the first to recover and before the nightmarish being could recover, quickly gathered Rukia and Ishida and jumped through the garganta right before it closed.

Halibel recovered next and ran to Ichigo and scooped the boy up, proudly declaring that his cero was brilliant.

Barragan recovered a second later and proceeded to drag Coolhorn off so that he could yell at him in peace about why his techniques were so lethal and why Coolhorn wasn't supposed to use them unless he was VERY far away.

"Szayel Aporro-san, what happened to your fraccion?" Poe asked as they turned to head inside.

"An angry human woman started hitting me after they took her daughter," Szayel replied angrily. "I ate them out of frustration afterwards."

----------

Saria: Alright, so that just leaves Aaroniero and Zommari! And I will be extending this fic, for a few chapters anyway. Then the sequel will start!

Zas: (looks around the room) This is SO much better than the shelter!

Tori: Yep!

SA: This is Saria's PARENT'S house!

Zas: So? We're in TAMPA now! Right in time for METROCON!!

All: WE'RE GOING TO METROCON!!!


	12. Swords and Coats

Saria: Metrocon was AWESOME!!!

Tori: The Organization XIII group was back again!

Zas: Human Chess match was ok, definitely could evolve into something.

SA: Saria got into a screaming contest and fainted from lack of air! ROFLMAO!!

Saria: (surrounded by dark cloud of depression) You didn't have to mention that…

Tori: Why? You still won in the end.

EVERYONE, on another note, I plan to combine the torture of Aaroniero and Zommari into one chapter, the reason: I got the same number of votes for both of them, and it would be pointless to poll again before the other had their chapter written. After this chapter, voting will begin again with all of the Hueco Mundo crew thrown back into the pool for the poll!

----------

"So, Ichigo-chan did manage to perform both a simple kidou spell and a cero?" Aizen asked at dinner that night. The small child giggled as his daddy gave him an approving look when Tousen confirmed the fact.

"So, how about a special treat for Ichi-chan?" Gin asked from his seat across from the child.

A flashback of the kitchen and staff covered in ice cream and various condiments flashed into Aizen's head, but he now knew better than to say an outright "no" to Gin. The silver haired man would find some way to get his way in the end.

"I don't see why we couldn't do something special," Aizen replied, something small and CONTROLLED.

"How about a swordsmanship lesson with his zanpakuto tomorrow?" Tousen suggested as he took a bite of his rice. "Zommari would probably be willing to teach him some basic stances as well as start him on learning shunpo."

Aizen nodded as he felt himself mentally sigh with relief. Knowing Gin, he'd want to throw a cake and ice cream party, at midnight, in this dining room, and try to get every arrancar who was foolish enough to attend sugar high… Aizen grimaced at the idea of either Grimmjow or Nnoitora sugar highed. Zommari at least did seem to understand the idea of calm and controlled.

"Yes, that should be an appropriate thing," Aizen stated as he took another bite of his dinner.

----------

Halibel woke to the sound of groaning coming from the area where Ichigo's bed was. Immediately standing from her own bed, she quietly moved to the child's bed to check on him.

A small orange head was still snuggled into his pillow, though he looked as though his sleep was a little on the disturbed side, and as she watched in numb horror, another groan came from the small form as something seemed to shift under his skin. His body grew some and she could tell that he was getting a bit older, now looking to be about seven years old.

His clothes were now too tight. Halibel searched through a set of drawers near his bed and found a new set of pajamas, then seated herself on the bed, lifting Ichigo onto her lap and proceeded to change him, doing her best to not rouse him. Of course though, right after she finished changing him, Ichigo's eyes opened and sleepily took her in.

"Mom? Is something wrong?"

"No, everything is fine. Go back to sleep," Halibel answered as she tucked the boy back into his bed. 'And I will make certain that everything remains fine,' she thought when she noticed that Ichigo was asleep already.

----------

Breakfast the next morning started out interesting as Ichigo and Halibel entered the dining room when Gin stood up immediately upon spying Ichigo and demanded to know who gave him permission to grow.

Ichigo on the other hand simply giggled, skipped around Gin, and latched onto Aizen's legs. Aizen smiled at his son and ruffled the child's orange hair as Gin stared at the scene, jealousy rearing its head for a moment before he jumped behind the child and started tickling the seven year old. Ichigo cried out and fell to the floor, laughing as Gin continued to tickle him.

"Stop!" Ichigo cried in between gasps for air.

"I'll stop when you say that I'm your favorite person, Ichi-chan!" Gin replied as he continued tickling.

"Gin," Aizen's voice caused Gin to freeze for a moment. "Is that very appropriate behavior for before breakfast?"

"But Aizen-sama! Ichi-chan was ignoring me!" Gin whined as he attempted to make puppy dog eyes at Aizen.

"Still, this sort of behavior shouldn't be demonstrated in a dining room, especially right before a meal."

"Okay Aizen-sama," Gin said; dejection obvious in his voice. Standing, he started to walk to the table.

"Bakudou number 1: Sai!" Ichigo's voice called out and a second later Gin fell onto Aizen, laughter coming easily at Ichigo's revenge.

----------

When Halibel arrived at the training ground with Ichigo, Zommari was already there, attempting to find some usable remnant of the training dummies that had been destroyed the day before. Unlike yesterday however, the event was not attended by half of the population of Las Noches. In fact, after yesterday, Halibel doubted she would see even as many arrancar as there were there now.

Ulquiorra was at the far side of the grounds, running through a series of swords stances, some of the lower class and new recruits mimicking his motions. Oddly enough, Aaroniero was amongst them, upon spying her however, he sheathed his zanpakuto and started to slowly slink toward the exit.

"Zommari, what is Aaroniero doing here? He never shows an interest in learning the proper method of swordplay," Halibel asked.

"He came this morning and said he believed it would be to his benefit to learn and not rely on the memories of those he has devoured. Have you seen any training dummies that are in one piece? I intend to teach…" Zommari's gaze turned toward Ichigo, "the child where to strike on an opponent."

An idea hit Halibel in that moment, one that would allow Aaroniero to get his training and serve a greater purpose to them as well.

"Aaroniero!" she called out as she turned, sonidoed across the room, and grabbed the novena espada by the neck of his frilly outfit before he could beat a hasty retreat.

----------

"I think it would be a great idea Aizen-sama! Ichi-chan would be certain to love it also. And, the arrancar would find a new way to take out their extra aggression." Gin explained as he followed the former fifth division captain down the hall.

"Gin, I already said no."

"But you said no to cake, ice cream, pudding, pizza, donuts, and shaved ice already! This is none of those and would be equally fun!"

"Gin, I said no and that means no." Aizen then pointed at the object that Gin was carrying. "There will definitely be no piñatas here, especially ones in the shape of my head!"

----------

Aaroniero always believed that he was decent with his zanpakuto despite the fact he never swung it. He was certain that his memories from Shiba Kain would help him in that department if he ever got into a fight. He was wrong. He was losing to a seven year old for crying out loud!

As he watched, the brat circled him, the wooden training sword in his hands pointing at him, his grip already corrected several times by Zommari. The fish tank wearer was also keenly aware of Halibel's glare from behind him, more than ready to grab him if he attempted to escape again.

'Why doesn't she just shish kebob me already and get it over with?' he thought, and completely missed it when Ichigo leaped at him and he received a sharp rap over his helmeted head followed up by a vicious swipe at his shins. He had no one to blame except his slow reflexes for not being able to stop the blow to his shins and his own inattention for the knock up side his head.

That didn't stop him from getting angry.

"I wasn't ready yet you brat!" Aaroniero yelled as he swiped his own training sword at the aforementioned brat. Then felt even more foolish as the brat caught the blow with his training sword, used the momentum to spin himself around and rammed the large, blunt piece of wood straight into his midsection.

"I think that is enough for swordplay today," Zommari announced as he moved between the two. "How about we move on to what my specialty is which is sonido."

Seeing his chance to escape, or at least take a breather, Aaroniero hobbled over to the wall and slid down to sit against it.

Glancing back at the center of the training ground, he saw that Zommari was giving a simplified version of how to perform sonido, what the feeling could be compared to, as well as giving a demonstration by flashing to the other side of the training grounds and back.

The orange haired brat named Ichigo bounced around for a few seconds, excited at the idea of doing something "so incredibly awesome" as the brat said.

Everyone on the training grounds froze for a second and watched as the boy got ready to try the sonido. There was a pause for a few seconds and the boy took off, running. Definitely not a sonido.

"Not quite," Zommari yelled after the kid. "Think about willing yourself forward and using your reiatsu to make it possible. A proper sonido shouldn't require for you to run."

'Zommari is trying to be more patient and calm with Halibel here,' Aaroniero noted as he watched the boy turn slightly and get ready to try it again.

"He'll probably perform one this time," Aaroniero called to Halibel. "But it'll be out of control. I'd prepare to treat a few scrapes and bruises if I were you."

Halibel's reply was a glare in his direction before turning her attention back onto the training session.

Once again, the training grounds grew quiet right before Ichigo took off again, this time actually disappearing in a sonido.

"WHAM!"

----------

For Ulquiorra, guiding new and weak arrancar through the basics of swordsmanship was never a job he looked forward to, and recently it had been harder to get these arrancar to focus on the training with Ichigo on in the same area. He should have realized though that turning his back on the brat, especially when he was learning sonido, would end with him being barreled into.

Still, he mentally growled and berated himself as he stood and attempted to untangle the brat from his coat tails. The fact Ichigo was also attempting to extract himself only made matters worse as he made himself even more entangled and started to drag Ulquiorra into the mess as well despite the fact he should have been well out of the tangle.

Turning to try to address the issue more directly only made matters worse as a portion of his jacket snagged onto his horn and then wrenched his head in an odd direction.

Zommari finally decided to try giving a hand to the entangled males, and Ichigo latched onto the dark espada's arm, attempting to pull himself out of the mess. He caused an even bigger one that involved Zommari being thrown off balance, falling on top of Ulquiorra, and Ichigo being at the top of the pile, working himself free and wrapping the cloth more firmly around the arrancar below.

"Just so you're aware Ulquiorra-sama, I didn't intend for this to happen at all, nor am I enjoying it," Zommari said when at one point his twisting around caused him to come face to face with Ulquiorra. "And is your coat stretching or growing by any chance?"

"I know you're not a pervert like Szayel, and I'm not certain about the second question." Ulquiorra's voice was the same as it always was, despite the position he was in.

Then Ichigo managed to rip himself free, and did it by bouncing off of Zommari's head, forcing the two into a lip lock.

----------

Aaroniero tried his best to keep his laughter quiet, honestly he did. But seeing Zommari and Ulquiorra forced into a kiss by Ichigo was the straw that broke the camel's back and he was rolling all over the ground howling with laughter. He completely missed Gin's arrival at the training grounds. Halibel didn't.

"Gin, what are you carrying?" the shark hollow asked.

"Aizen-sama said no piñatas in the shape of his head, so I'm seeing if he would warm up to the idea of a different shape." Gin then held up the new piñata. "I decided that since everyone is ready to kick Aaroniero's ass these days that his head would make a great shape for a piñata."

Halibel stared at the piñata for a second, then reached out and grabbed it from Gin. Checking to insure that there was already candy inside, she quickly shoved the entire thing over Aaroniero's head.

"Ichigo! Come here for a second," the female espada called as she heard Aaroniero give a muffled curse and attempt to remove the piñata from his head. Luckily, Gin seemed to follow her train of thought and quickly cast a kidou to immobilize Aaroniero's hands and arms.

"Something wrong mom?" Ichigo asked as he came up to her and Gin.

Halibel smiled and passed him back his wooden training sword from earlier. "Uncle Gin has arranged a special treat for you today." Reaching over and patting the top of the piñata, she continued. "You see, this is called a piñata. The point is that you have to try to hit the piñata. The harder you hit the more candy you'll get!"

Ichigo's eyes went wide and he brandished the wooden sword, ready to start wacking in at moment's notice.

Gin at that point hauled Aaroniero to his feet and shoved him to make him start moving, the binding kidou still in place. Ichigo was after him not even a moment later, the first blow that he landed hitting senior fish tank straight across his right shoulder. After that moment, Aaroniero, though he couldn't see, ran like the devil was on his heels.

"I see that Stark is likely to have told you his story on Aaroniero trying to eat Ichigo and Lillinette and him saving them from his bowels by cutting him open," Gin said in a conversation tone. Halibel's eyes were instantly ablaze.

"No, he didn't," she replied sweetly. "He didn't tell me any of THAT. All that I heard on the issue was what Aizen-sama told me yesterday about him luring him away from Stark using candy. But please, tell me more on this."

----------

Saria: And that is all the Espada! As you all know, I'm going to continue with this fic, so that means EVERONE is back in the pool to be voted for, except that Szayel shall now be included!

Tori: So, who shall be next? Yammi, Stark, Barragan, Halibel, Ulquiorra, Nnoitora, Grimmjow, Zommari, Szayel, Aaroniero, Aizen, Tousen, or Gin?

Zas: We won't know until the public speaks! So tell us who you want!

SA: (grabs earplugs) You guys are too loud…


	13. Candy and Underwear

Saria: Ok, moving BITES! You get no internet for weeks on end, you don't know which channels your favorite stations are on anymore, the restaurants are different, even grocery shopping is difficult!

SA: You leave all your friends behind… Gain a new schedule, a new job also.

Zas: New hangouts have to be found, new conventions to look into, plans that you had for several months in advance have to be set aside…

Saria, SA, and Zas: (deep, dark cloud of depression)

Tori: Texas sunburn… We moved from Florida to Texas and got the first sunburn of our lives!

Saria: Not to mention the beef that the doctor's gave me over that…

zzzzzzzzzz

"Ichigo!" Aizen almost yelled as he hurried up next to the child who was using a wooden training sword to beat what looked like a piñata that had gotten stuck on someone's head. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Aizen-sama!" A very relieved voice called out from the beaten wreckage of the piñata.

A quick cursory of the clothing worn by the unfortunate who had been getting pummeled but a few seconds ago told Aizen that it was Aaroniero. The bastard who had tried to devour Ichigo and Lillinette a few days ago, but who had wisely stayed out of his sight since. Too bad for him.

"Ichigo, piñata should be hung from the ceiling by a rope, and you should be wearing a blindfold and using a bat!" Aizen reprimanded as he used an altered kidou to manifest a rope around Aaroniero, and then produced a white cloth to be used as a blindfold. "I'm afraid we don't have any bats handy though, so continue using that training sword. But be careful not to hit anything else with it."

Aaroniero's anguished cries at his abandonment followed Aizen out into the corridor where he met a confused looking Grimmjow, clutching his Pantera hopefully, as he walked toward where the screams were coming from.

"Grimmjow," Aizen addressed him. "Ichigo seems to have found a piñata, would you mind assisting him with it? I believe it still needs to be hung appropriately from the ceiling. After he's done, be sure to escort the child back to Halibel."

zzzzzzzzzz

Grimmjow roared with laughter as the blindfolded Ichigo managed to land another blow on Aaroniero, this time cracking him in the ribs since his aim was a little high. Not that Grimmjow was going to tell him that the piñata casing had already been busted though. He had never liked Aaroniero, and being able to hold the rope that held the bastard upside down as a child pummeled him with a training sword was almost as good as being able to beat on him with Pantera.

Almost, but definitely not quite as good.

Though it didn't help that Aaroniero had stopped screaming.

Glancing over at the Gillian, Grimmjow almost groaned as he noted that Aaroniero was no longer screaming because he was unconscious. No fun in beating him like that.

"Alright brat, that's enough!" Grimmjow called as he released the rope holding Aaroniero up. "Let's gather up the candy and get you back."

"Candy!" Ichigo screamed as he ripped off the blindfold and started to scan the floor in search of the sugary confections. "Where is it?"

Grimmjow raised an eyebrow, then scanned the floor himself, searching for the piñata stuffers, and upon finding none, walked up to Aaroniero and rolled him over.

"EWW!" cried the orange haired child as they both got a glimpse of the candy, now a mess that decorated Aaroniero's backside.

"Gotta agree with you there, brat," Grimmjow muttered as he stared at the mess. "Come on; let's get you back to Halibel."

"But I want candy!"

Grimmjow growled under his breath, he didn't take orders from Aizen so there was no way he was going to be ordered around by a seven year old!

"Halibel can get you some candy, so let's go!"

"Mom doesn't like to give me sweets, says they are bad for me!"

"Well then, listen to your mom kid!" Grimmjow shot back.

"Meanie," Ichigo shouted as he kicked Grimmjow's knee.

"DAMN BRAT!" Grimmjow yelled as he lunged at the child.

"Stupid kitty!" the boy shouted as he dodged then took off down the hall, shifting into sonido when he was halfway down the hall.

Grimmjow growled once again as he followed the kid with his own sonido, catching up very quickly as the brat smashed into the wall at a corner. Ichigo promptly scowled then turned in time for Grimmjow to roughly grab his shoulder, jerking the boy around.

"Ow!" Ichigo yelled. "You're hurting me!"

"I said we're going back to Halibel!" Grimmjow snarled, and Ichigo promptly burst into tears.

"STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" Grimmjow screamed, now half panicked.

"Everyone said there was candy if I broke that thing and then fish tank crushed it and you're being mean!" Ichigo declared amidst his sobs. "I want my mommy!"

Before that moment Grimmjow would have welcomed those words, spoken in this manner though, he wouldn't survive long enough to get out of the room before he'd be attacked by Halibel. He needed to reconsider.

"Fine! I'll get you some candy, just stop crying!" The speed that Ichigo's eyes dried made Grimmjow feel as though he might be getting hoodwinked.

zzzzzzzzzz

Considering where he now stood, Grimmjow seriously considered whether it might be worth it to try to endure Halibel's wrath if just to avoid where he was about to go. This was the only place in Las Noches though that might have some candy, especially since Aizen had had the kitchens cleaned out after Gin's debacle in them.

Here he stood, about to enter the ninth circle of hell, the gateway to misery and perversity, the horrific arena where demons gathered and planned the downfall and torture of all that surrounded them. Also known as Gin's room.

"Let's go! Uncle Gin always has candy!" Ichigo declared excitedly as he reached out and grabbed the door handle, disappearing into the demon's lair without hesitation. Like hell Grimmjow was going to be shown up by a child! He quickly stuck his back to the wall and slid into the room, Pantera drawn to ward off any evil that he may find there.

He was very relieved that the only person he saw was the brat, and said brat was tearing through Gin's drawer.

"Hey!" Grimmjow growled as he jumped over to where the kid was carelessly tossing shirts and pants. "Try to not mess anything up! We don't want him knowing that we were here!"

The orange haired child ignored him as he finished searching the drawers and skipped over to the closet, not bothering to pick anything up. Grimmjow stared at the disaster that was left and started grabbing various items, shoving them back into the drawers, and then attempting to close said drawers. There were lots of various items that still poked out, but at least the room didn't look like a tornado had rampaged through it.

Turning, the blue haired man felt his jaw drop as the closet came into view. The brat was climbing over boxes, shelves, yanking various items down, clothes pulled off of hangers, and the pile was flooding out the door of the closet.

As Grimmjow rushed over, the orange terror jumped out and headed elsewhere as Grimmjow attempted to put some order to the closet. He quickly gave up after a shelf collapsed, scattering the boxes he had shoved onto it. In the end he jumped out of the closet and shoveled everything into the confines of the closet and somehow was able to force the door closed.

Turning to see what he would have to deal with now, Grimmjow really did scream when he realized that while his back was turned the brat had raided Gin's underwear drawer. They were everywhere, the floor, the bed, the table top; one had even gotten hooked on the light fixture!

Grimmjow raced around the room, grabbing the horrific white butt bags up, and right as he thought he got the last one, he realized something: he hadn't seen Ichigo since he had come out of the closet!

"Brat!" he called as he peeked under the bed, behind the chairs and sofa, and finally entered the bathroom. There was no sign of the kid anywhere!

Grimmjow was just exiting the bathroom when the main door opened, revealing the white devil himself, Gin. Grimmjow froze in his shock and horror as he noticed something of rather extreme importance that he had forgotten to do. And that just made it all the worse.

Gin grinned viciously as he approached Grimmjow, making the arrancar swear all the worse. "Grimmy! What a pleasant surprise! Halibel and I just ran into Ichigo who told us you were kind enough to get him some candy since Aaroniero destroyed the candy Aizen gave him. That was very nice of you!"

Gin stopped right in front of the blue haired Espada, and his grin, if possible, became even more snake-like. "Now, would you please explain why you are trying to make off with all of my underwear?"

zzzzzzzzzz

Saria: Finally, another chapter!

Tori: And once more, time for a vote!

Zas: Since this was Grimmjow, that means that you can vote for any of the following: Yammi, Aaroniero, Szayel, Zomari, Nnoitora, Ulquiorra, Halibel, Barragan, Stark, Aizen, Gin, and Tousen!

SA: So, since you've read (pulls out a missile launcher) YOU'LL NOW REVIEW IF YOU WISH TO LIVE! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Tori: I thought she was emo…

Zas: No, just insane!

Saria: Hey! I'm the insane one!


	14. Cuatro Break

Saria: Why is it that right when I think I'm settled, something happens?

Tori: Come again?

Zas: She means right after we finish unpacking the last of the moving boxes; it seems we are moving… AGAIN!

Tori: WHAT?

SA: Stop it, both of you. That's one of the downfalls of the career that Saria chose. I have just one question though.

Saria: And what would that be?

SA: Well, I know you weren't that fond of your current workplace, so before we leave… (Pulls out a bazooka) May I PLEASE blow up that dusty old hangar?

zzzzzzzzzz

Ichigo skipped up the hall, grinning as he popped random pieces of candy into his mouth, wondering if he might run into Lillinette. He knew that Lilli liked candy too, and Stark wasn't a bad guy either. So maybe he should share some of this treasure with them!

Turning a corner, Ichigo almost dropped the candy he was carrying when he ran into the ultimate party pooper; the biggest killjoy in existence; the only person who could take all the fun out of an amusement park. He also went by the name of Ulquiorra.

The pale man looked less than pleased about Ichigo running into him. His displeasure became more apparent when he noticed the candy.

He didn't give any warning before he snatched the sweets from the child, determined to not allow the child to get sugar high, he was a terror enough as he was.

"These are terrible for you," Ulquiorra said monotonously as he dumped the sweets down the nearest garbage chute, ignoring the glare he got from the boy.

For his part, Ichigo already knew this about Ulquiorra: don't bother crying, he won't react. He was just going to have to wait for a sympathetic ear, and as he glanced up the hall, a slight smirk played across his features; one that was not missed by Ulquiorra.

Glancing in the same direction, Ulquiorra felt an almost smirk play at the edges of his lips. Grimmjow, who was carrying an armload of undergarments, was being chased up the hall by Gin, who was sporting a malicious grin of his own. It seemed like one of those moments that humans referred to as Kodak moments. But, there were other things he felt a need to attend to.

"Come Ichigo, we are going to be going over etiquette and grammar," Ulquiorra stated as he turned to march down the hall.

Behind Ulquiorra, Ichigo hadn't moved at all aside from pulling a face before his eyes alighted back to Gin, who in turn had just noticed Ichigo at the corner.

"Remember Grimmjow, you are to wash those then put them back in my drawers!" Gin yelled after the retreating blue haired Arrancar, who seemed to be attempting to break the sound barrier.

The sly man then ambled over towards Ulquiorra and Ichigo, his trademark grin in place.

Ichigo grinned up at his favorite "uncle".

Ulquiorra was tempted to hide, but chose to ignore what his instincts told him to do in favor of trying to fulfill his duty.

"What might I ask were you doing with Grimmjow?" The pale arrancar asked.

Somehow, Gin's grin grew wider. "I caught Grimmjow in the midst of raiding my underwear drawer. He was either looking for candy, or he has a serious fetish that needs to be addressed."

Ulquiorra immediately remembered the candy Ichigo had been devouring when he ran into him. Internally he winced and wiped his hands on the material inside his pockets. He'd have these clothes burned later.

"I see. If you'll pardon us, Gin-sama, I will be taking Ichigo for his daily lesson."

"What will you be addressing?" Gin asked, his typical grin becoming more conniving right in front of Ulquiorra's eyes.

"Manners," Ulquiorra replied immediately, hoping to deter Gin by naming the one thing to immediately come to mind that should be near impossible to mess up. And that should hold no interest with the fox faced man.

"Alright, I'll join you!"

'Damn.'

"Might I suggest starting with table manners?"

zzzzzzzzzz

Ulquiorra should have known to expect this from Gin when he wanted to work on table manners. This had nothing to do with manners. This was CHAOS, pure and simple!

It also went by the name of Chuck E Cheese. A child-themed pizza restaurant in the human world.

Poe was the only one at the table with him, and the tall male seemed very confused.

Coolhorn and Dordonni were playing some strange game where they were jumping on arrows in combinations; he believed it was called "Dance Dance Revolution". Dordonni was earnestly playing, Coolhorn on the other hand was attempting to pose while playing and had thus far caused about six visits from paramedics as people went into convulsions.

Avirama was screaming "KILL KILL KILL!" as he played something called "Whack-A-Mole" and looked to be only seconds away from pulling out his zanpakuto.

Ggio, Nirgge, Findor, and Lillinette were on some sort of racing game, and the males were losing spectacularly.

He had no idea where Gin and Ichigo were, and part of him didn't want to know.

All around him, little hooligans ran rampant, and he saw more than one set of exhausted looking parents looking a little hopeless.

Great, now he was starting to feel a connection with humans.

Suddenly, the loudspeaker gave a faint squawk and all adult heads (or at least ones that he didn't know the names of) turned toward the ceiling. They were about to make an announcement, and Ulquiorra had been there just long enough to know that this either meant one of those horrifying shows involving a human in a trashy mouse suit, or an order was being filled.

"Party of Arrancar, your order is being delivered to your table!" the chirpy voice called.

Several of the adults at other tables groaned, realizing that they were still stuck in this limbo without an end in sight. Others showed honest relief on their faces, obviously preferring this to another loud, nerve wracking performance set up by the mascot of this hellish establishment.

Moments later, the table was crowded as the various arrancar and shinigami appeared and took their seats as their pizza and beverages were served. Ulquiorra found himself smashed between Poe and Coolhorn.

Across the table, he caught sight of Gin grinning in a particularly vicious manner, and it caused him to do something even having Coolhorn so close had failed to do: he shuddered and felt dread begin to build in his stomach.

Nothing happened right away though. The group ate the terrible pizza that they were served without complaint, the sugary drinks helped wash down the greasy feeling it left in Ulquiorra's mouth. It was so close to finally being over… Ulquiorra could see the end coming! There was their waitress right now in fact! They could pay the tab and leave! But why was she smiling like that? What was with the group behind her?

"Ladies and gentlemen! We have a spectacular birthday today!" A voice declared over the pager.

Oh hell.

"What a nice big brother you are, to come here on your birthday because your little brother likes it so much!" the waitress chirped with a big smile.

Ulquiorra felt the twitching start to get worse, and his stomach was openly rebelling.

Then the cake was plopped down in front of him and the group of waiters and waitresses began to sing.

zzzzzzzzzz

Aizen stared at the report that Szayel had sent to him and couldn't stop a sigh.

Truly, to have a complete nervous breakdown? He had obviously been working Ulquiorra too hard. He did easily shoulder about three times the work load that the other beings under his command did, but he should have insisted upon the Cuatro taking a break, even if just for a few days.

What confused him though were the symptoms of the breakdown. Why was Ulquiorra screaming about cake and making "the tone-deaf harpies shut up"?

zzzzzzzzzz

Saria: Yay! Time for a new vote! Whom shall be my next victim?

SA: Next victim: THE HANGAR!

Zas: Some reason I doubt that.

Tori: We don't have any food again!

Saria: Zas! Did you pig out while I was trying to write?


	15. Hair Troubles

Saria: (Has finally gotten around to counting the votes) And we have a tie…

Tori: Surprising when so many people read, and only two voted.

Zas: So, we get to choose the next torture victim?

Saria: So it would seem.

SA: (Grabs Tori) Alright, I'll flip her! Heads up or down?

Zas: UP! No, wait… DOWN!

Saria: (flips a coin)

Halibel woke that night to the sounds of sobs, sobs that belonged to a certain orange haired child. Ichigo.

Only a moment later she found herself at his bedside, gently shaking the boy awake. The tears on his face remained even as the nightmare he was tormented by slipped away. He immediately latched onto her, hugging her tightly.

"What's wrong, Ichigo?" Halibel asked as she gently smoothed his hair down, comforting the child.

"I had a terrible dream," was the choked reply. "I dreamed that we were walking by a river and I saw a girl almost fall in. When I tried to help her, a monster jumped out. Then you were there, covering me, and you were hurt mom, you were dead!" Ichigo broke down into new sobs as he finished.

"I'm right here, it was just a dream," she soothed even as her head whirled at the information. If Ichigo's memories were rebuilding themselves, with the Arrancar as his family, was this how he lost his original mother? He was far too young; it wouldn't be like that this time around.

"Everything is alright," she murmured as she hugged Ichigo closer to her. "I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Szayel fought the very tempting urge to scream when Halibel ushered the orange haired terror into his lab that morning. The reason: she was being sent on a mission to find other possible recruits for Aizen and her fraccion were going with her.

In hindsight he probably should have seen this coming though. Ulquiorra was out of commission, currently so doped up on sedatives that he was staring at a random wall with a rather unsettling grin on his face. Stark wasn't intimidated by Halibel. Barragan was being sent on a mission as well. There was no way Halibel would ever let Ichigo be around Nnoitora, not as long as there was another option. Grimmjow was currently locked in the laundry room. Zommari was on a mission also. Aaroniero… no. And Yami… yeah, he really was the only one available.

"Finally, don't let Aaroniero near here. I'll be back in a few hours, so I trust you can keep things together until then." Szayel nodded as the woman finished with her instructions, the ones he had mostly tuned out. He was a genius after all, how difficult could watching a single child be?

"Now hand me the-" Szayel's sentence was cut off with a cry of, "Sza-yel App-orro-sama!" coming from none other than Verona, the fraccion he had assigned to watch the brat.

"What is it?" the scientist queried patiently as he turned his attention back on his current project.

"Boy wants play! Wants play scientist with Verona!"

"That's fine, I don't see a problem," Szayel didn't even look up from the compound he was mixing. To be honest, he was actually almost flattered that the boy was already taking such an interest as to want to pretend he was a scientist.

"Verona no want!" the fraccion cried out to him, but was simply waved away.

"He can't do any harm that I can't fix. Let him have his fun so I can work in peace."

"Szay-"

"Come on, Verona!" The shout announced the entry of a certain annoyance. "Let's see what this one does!"

Szayel's head shot up immediately at those words, and terror filled eyes turned to take in the possible situation. There were quite a few unstable isotopes in this lab, none of which he had had the forethought of putting under lock and key. The boy could be holding anything from a beaker of water to acetone to a chemical bomb!

What he saw was his fraccion had already been changed three shades of purple and the child was holding a flask that was filled a blue/green compound.

"I want to see if I can change him blue!" the brat declared proudly.

"That's a relatively harmless copper based solution," Szayel told Verona, quickly calming from his momentary panic. "It won't harm you."

"Sza…" Verona started once again.

"YAY!" Ichigo shouted as he tossed the contents of the flask at Verona.

Never in his life had Szayel ever seen his fabricated fraccion move so fast. Verona seemed to fall back on its butt and rolled/bounced away faster than he thought possible for his creation… He was going to have to look into that.

The solution struck him full in the face at that point.

Ichigo, Szayel, and Verona all froze in shock for a moment, then the brat jumped into action.

"I'll help!" shouted the miniature shinigami. Grabbing up a beaker filled with what he thought was water; the terrorizer proceeded to dump the contents all over Szayel's head after climbing onto the table next to him, kicking over all of Szayel's current projects as he did so.

Szayel unfroze moments later and immediately jumped back from the table, his hand grabbing up a nearby towel to wipe away the liquid. He wasn't too angry, really. He was just fine actually.

"Ichigo-kun, please go back to the other room," Szayel stated, holding himself firmly in check.

Thankfully the brat followed his instructions without question.

"And you," he allowed his mask of composure slip as he addressed Verona, "You are my fraccion. If I say to do something, you do it. Even if I say to allow a brat to melt you!" As he reached out, fully intending to grab and devour Verona, his idiot fraccion suddenly seemed to almost gain an expression of horror, then point at his head with a scream of "Hair!"

Szayel's mind stopped for a second, then his hand grabbed with beaker that the orange terror had used. To his horror, he discovered that the brat had poured a highly concentrated nitric acid over his head.

Halibel had just returned from her mission and was picking Ichigo up from Szayel's labs. He was smiling and talking about Szayel allowing him to play with his fraccion when a high pitched scream cut through the air. The scream was shortly followed by Szayel charging out of his inner laboratory and rushing through another door that looked like it led to a bathroom.

The strange part was that the pink locks that Szayel was so proud of were falling out. He really needed to be more careful in the lab, especially with children around!


	16. Makeover!

Tori: (is cooking chocolate chip cookies)

Zas: Excellent!

Tori: (swats Zas with a spatula) For Saria, not you.

Zas: She's hardly awake enough to enjoy them!

SA: (smacks both with a mallet then grabs the cookies) Saria! Cookies if you write the chapter!

Aizen sighed as he considered what was going on around Hueco Mundo. Thus far, Ulquiorra, though showing improvement, still needed to be medicated. Szayel Aporro was bald. Aaroniero was going to be murdered soon and he was having trouble finding a suitable replacement. Grimmjow was finally out of the laundry room, but now had locked himself in his own room and refused to leave for any reason.

His elite were falling all around him, and to make matters worse, Ichigo seemed to have some slight issues with his biological father.

Apparently, the boy's father had taken to attacking him at random times, in random ways, leading to the boy not having much respect towards the man at most times. That Aizen didn't do this left the boy somewhat confused.

With a sigh, he considered his options. He could either: A- keep acting the way he did and hope the boy leveled out and gave appropriate respect, dismissing the notion of Aizen attacking him as some sort of childish game. B- Occasionally attack the boy, but in a way that could be honestly teaching him a lesson.

He'd need to consider these options carefully.

Ichigo laughed as Lillinette bounced through the door of his new room. He was now too big to share with his mother, so she had had the room next to hers fixed up for him. He was required to check in with her and request permission before leaving the hall though.

"Mom," he called as he ran next door, Lillinette hot on his heels. Halibel sat on her couch, sharpening her zanpakuto as her fraccion chattered.

"Mom, can I go play with Lilli?" Ichigo asked, affecting his best version of puppy-dog eyes.

Halibel looked up at her son, she liked how happy and full of energy he was, so much better than the sallow teenager that he had previously been.

"I don't see why not, but make sure you are back before dinner. We'll be eating with your father tonight." She noted the slight scowl he made, but laughed as she waved him off.

"Go on, have fun," she called. Ichigo didn't need to be told twice.

"Tag!" Ichigo screamed as his fingers brushed Lillinette's shoulder as she attempted to dodge.

"I'll get you!" she yelled in return as she twisted around to try to swipe at him, only for him to backpedal through the door into Stark's room. The exact room that Stark was trying to sleep in, while hidden under a mound of pillows.

"Catch me if you can~!" Ichigo sang as he bounced onto Stark's couch.

"Gotcha!" Lillinette howled as she dove onto the sofa as well, but missed Ichigo as he bounced.

Ichigo responded by blowing a raspberry as he continued to jump on the sofa.

"Gotcha now!" Once again Lillinette dove at Ichigo, this time tackling him, the force of her leap sending them both off the couch and onto the pile of pillows that Stark usually lounged on.

Laughing, Ichigo grabbed up a pillow and smacked Lillinette across the back with it. The wolf girl responded in kind by grabbing a pillow herself and returning the favor. Now they were both jumping on the pile of pillows, unknowingly trampling Stark, while smacking each other with the pillows.

"Enough," Stark groaned as he grabbed both kids from beneath the pillows and dragged himself upright. "I'm very tired right now and am trying to sleep. Would a lit-" Stark was interrupted by a pillow, courtesy of Lillinette.

"Pillow fight!" she screamed, twisting in his grasp to begin her barrage on her other half with the pillow. Ichigo joined her in the assault, smacking the lazy Arrancar in the chest while she focused on his shoulders and head.

"Stop it, both of you." Stark stated as he dropped both children flat on their butts. "Go find somewhere else to play, or play quietly and let me sleep."

"Ok, Stark!" Lillinette responded with a smile, winking at Ichigo. Ichigo nodded in turn, though his eyes were on Lillinette as a grin spread across his face.

"Do you think I'm an idiot?" Stark demanded, before sighing deeply. "What would it take for you two to leave me in peace?"

Both children now sported identical devious grins.

Aaroniero walked down the hall towards the training grounds, fully intent to try to train some more with his zanpakuto. Although he now realized he needed the practice, unfortunately, each time he tried to get it, he was always beaten down, either before or after the practice. Apparently some idiot with loss lips had found out he had tried to eat the shinigami brat.

Turning the corner, Aaroniero froze at the sight of Stark appearing before him, an eerie grin on his face.

Not even waiting for an explanation, Aaroniero turned heel and ran, even though he had no hope of outrunning the Primera.

Lillinette and Ichigo grinned as they wielded their weapons of choice, ready for this spectacular event. They had gone to collect these as soon as Stark agreed to these conditions in return for his peace as soon as this was finished.

The nameless serving Arrancar that they had pulled in from the hall shifted nervously, wondering what was going on.

Moments later, Stark finally entered the room, dragging a fiercely struggling Aaroniero behind him straight to the center of the room, where he promptly threw the ninth Espada into the waiting blow up pool.

"Yay!" the kids shouted as they attacked the fish-tank Espada with paint, glue, and various art supplies.

"Why are you doing this?" Aaroniero demanded as his helmet was covered in yellow paint and colorful feathers.

"Because we agreed to be quiet and let Stark sleep if we could do something we ordinarily wouldn't be allowed to do. Unfortunately for you, your butt is currently open season, so we won't get in trouble anyway!" Lillinette replied.

"Then what is the appeal of doing this?" Aaroniero reasoned, praying the kids would let him go.

No such luck. Though they did share a thoughtful moment, both returned to painting him up moments later while an even more confused underling was handed a camera to record the events.

Stark on the other hand, returned to his pillow mound and lay down, ready for a good rest. He slept so deeply, that he never noticed Lillinette or Ichigo sneak over. Nor the makeover he received at their hands.

"Ichigo, you ready for dinner?" Halibel asked when she picked Ichigo up from his room.

"Yep!" Ichigo grinned as he ran over and took his mother's offered hand.

"So, what did you and Lillinette do today?"

"We played tag, had a pillow fight, and painted!"

"Painted? Anything special?" Halibel wondered.

"You could say that," Ichigo replied as Stark came into view, and both of them repressed giggles.

The Primera was completely dolled up: his hair pulled back into four tails, held there by different colors of paint, one red, one orange, one green, and one pink. He also had a pink monocle, his goatee was green with a blue mustache added to the mix, and a big black X painted on his forehead.

The eternally sleepy man hadn't yet noticed his makeover, despite the blatant stares he was receiving, and he probably wouldn't notice for a while yet.

Repressing a laugh, Halibel continued to walk up the hall, Ichigo in hand, headed for dinner.

Saria: COOKIES! REVIEWS!

SA: Review and vote for the next victim, or else (brandishes the mallet)

Zas: (knocks SA down with a chair) Or else we'll choose for you guys!

Tori: And remember, suggestions are always welcome!


	17. Hide and Seek

Saria: Cookies… They are very hard to eat if you can't sit up straight without severe pain.

Tori: The doctors estimate you'll be able to do that in another week.

Saria: Doesn't mean I can't be upset about this. A compressed spine after an ejection…

Zas: ARGH! (swings chair wildly at SA)

SA: (dodges chair and easily smacks Zas with the mallet) Last cookie is mine!

zzzzzzzzzz

Dinner had been uneventful, and Ichigo seemed to still be humming with energy even after running around with Lillinette all day. Unfortunately for him, Gin's suggestion of them making everyone ice cream sundaes had been shot down completely and utterly. Dad had suggested an alternative at least. Hide and seek, and with the use of shunpo and sonido, the set area that they had to use was the entirety of Las Noches.

Dad had declared it would be excellent training on top of being entertaining. Ichigo believed he could see how. Sonido and shunpo could take you great distances, but you always had a burst of energy as you performed it. Use it too much, and you were very easy to find, not controlling your energy also made you easy to find, but if you didn't really move then you were still easy to catch.

Since Hueco Mundo was so big, dad had declared three people as "it". Gin, Rudobone, and Avirama were declared the "its" for the game, and all of the Espada, plus their fraccion, were required to participate. The one exceptions were Barragan and Ulquiorra. Barragan claimed age and Ulquiorra was still in the medical ward, but significantly improved.

Ichigo believed he was doing pretty well for himself. Thus far he had managed to perform shunpo three times, avoided all three "its", and gotten himself separated from his mom, her fraccion, and Lillinette. Not that he minded being around them, quite the opposite actually, but he just needed some space himself.

Currently he was wandering through a vaguely familiar portion of Las Noches, looking for a good place to hide. His senses were telling him that someone was approaching this area rapidly.

Turning down another hallway, Ichigo ran for all he was worth, hoping to give them the slip. The scrape of boots in the rafters above alerted him to the presence of the other, and Ichigo came to a grinding halt, right in time too. Whoever thought it wise to run around in the rafters slipped the next moment and fell, right in front of the boy.

"Avirama?" Ichigo asked, pretty certain that neither Gin nor Rudobone would ever slip like that. What he got in answer to his question was coughing while a strange figure did a jelly dance in the dust.

"Ok…" Ichigo turned and took off running again. Behind him, the fallen figure let out a squawk as his audience chose to depart instead of staying put.

"Niño!" The figure yelled as it drew up next to him. "Where are you going? What is more important than watching the great Dordonii's amazing entrance?"

Ichigo glanced over, meeting the strange man's eyes and instantly recognized him as the only guy at the pizza place who could stand being near Coolhorn.

In turn, Dordonii seemed to recognize him. "Oh, it's you, niño!" After a quick glance, he asked his one burning question. "What are you doing here?"

"Hide and seek!" Ichigo exclaimed with a laugh. "Dad suggested we play it!"

"Hide and seek? Dad? Niño, perhaps I should take you to Aizen, just for a confirmation."

"What? Why? I've been avoiding Gin, Rudobone, and Avirama just fine!"

"Rudobone? Why are you avoiding the Exequias?"

Before Ichigo could answer though, both of them sensed another being approaching their location. Facing forward, Dordonii felt his eyes bulge slightly at the sight of Rudobone.

"Found you, now surrender!" the executioner declared as he charged the two.

Dordonii didn't understand what was going on, just that an executioner was charging at a child and himself, shouting for them to surrender. He didn't think, simply grabbed the orange haired child and hauled ass in the opposite direction.

"Faster!" Ichigo yelled in his ear, "He's gaining on us!"

"You two won't escape!" Rudobone howled as he pushed himself into a sonido.

Dordonii yelled again and performed his own sonido; his and Ichigo's lives could very well depend on this!

The chase went down one hall, up another, and then out a window into the main domed area of Las Noches. The entire time the orange haired child laughed, egging him to go faster. Did this kid not understand how much danger they were in? Dordonii could barely contain his own screams of frustration. And then Gin appeared.

"Don't let him catch you! He and Rudo are teamed up!" Ichigo called.

Dordonii, thinking this might finally be over with Gin's appearance, instantly freaked. Was there some sort of coup de' tat occurring?

"Get to the throne room! It's free space!" Ichigo shouted.

'Aizen will be there!' Dordonii thought as he followed the niño's advice, using his peculiar dance-like fighting style to dodge Gin's grab before setting a course for the throne room. Gin might be faster than him, but Rudobone sure wasn't, he just needed to go as fast as he could in this area, and be prepared to dodge.

His sonido this time was almost explosive in power, and naturally the brat he was carrying didn't seem to notice. He just whooped, delighted about the speed.

Gin made another two swipes at him before he reached the right building, then he was in and bouncing as fast as he could through the halls, off of walls and beams, cutting a crazy but very direct path to the throne room.

Slamming his way through the doors, he was delighted to see Aizen in the room, along with Barragan, Stark, Poe, and several other Arrancar, some of them looking very downtrodden. Aizen must already know!

Dordonii, so good of you and Ichigo to join us."

"Dad!" Ichigo laughed as he wiggled out of Dordonii's hold.

"So, did you get caught?"

"NO! How else do you think we got here in one piece?" Dordonii almost screamed at Aizen, he was so relieved, but this man was taking this… insanity, treason, revolt, just a little too well.

"Were Gin and Rudobone too difficult?"

"I managed to dodge them both while getting us here, but it was close," Dordonii admitted, finally calming down. Aizen must already have a plan, that was why he was so calm. And the Primera and Segunda Espada were here to boot, so there was hardly a chance that they would fail!

"I didn't expect to see you here though, Dordonii. Tell me, when did you join in our game of Hide and Seek?" Aizen queried.

The Privaron Espada felt like he had been shot, so this really was just a game?

"I joined when niño wandered into the Privaron territory. I have a question myself now, with your permission."

Aizen nodded, indicating that he may continue.

"Why did you make the "its" in this game the Head Executioner and Gin? Either of them chasing you on any given day of the week would freak someone out!" Dordonii was shaking from the effort to not yell that last bit.

"Avirama is also an "it"," Aizen offered, right as the doors blew open again and Ulquiorra leaped into Aizen's arms, wrapping himself around the man.

"Aizen-sama, I just got chased by Gin and Rudobone," the normally stoic Espada cried. "What have I done to displease you so much?"

zzzzzzzzzz

Zas: Three chapters in three days, this is a record for you, Saria.

Saria: I'm bored…

SA: This isn't the only story she has been working on either.

Tori: More cookies, Saria?

Saria: I want to run 3-4 miles, not eat another 3-4 thousand calories.

Zas: Typical, can't even sit up without pain, and she wants to go on a run!


	18. Beautiful

Saria: (is forcibly restrained to her bed) I really hate you guys right now.

Tori: Sorry…

SA: You might not like it, but this is necessary.

Zas: (is wolfing down a pudding sent by a reviewer) You gotta take care of yourself, and knowing you, if we don't do this, you'll push yourself!

Saria: (glares at the ceiling)

zzzzzzzzzz

Halibel stared at Ichigo, terrified at what she saw. Just yesterday he had been eight; today she was staring at a boy who was eleven. He'd be grown again within the next few days.

"Is something wrong mom?" her son asked.

Halibel shook her head, quickly pulling herself together. "No, you're just getting so big. Where does the time go…"

Ichigo just grinned and rubbed the back of his head. "Are we joining dad again for breakfast today?"

"You will be, I won't have time today," Halibel stated. "There was a flare of reiatsu around the outer tunnels. Aizen-sama has asked me to look into it."

"So I guess I'll see you later then?" Ichigo asked.

"Yes, as soon as I get back." Halibel smiled as her little berry grinned then took off down the hall. Behind her, Apache, Mira Rose, and Sun Sun approached.

"He's getting bigger," Sun Sun stated as the pre-teen turned a corner.

"He'll be very handsome soon," Mira Rose added.

"What?" Apache screamed at Mira Rose's comment while Sun Sun stared.

Halibel rolled her eyes as her fraccion argued about over her son. She had had a feeling that something like this would happen.

zzzzzzzzzz

Barragan was resting his eyes, NOT napping like his fraccion sometimes mistook him of doing. He was still the King of Hueco Mundo, with abilities fierce enough that Aizen wouldn't face him in a straight fight. That man always relied upon his illusions.

A squawk from one of his fraccion, Findor he believed, caused him to open his eyes.

Coming through the door of his chambers was none other than the adopted son of his current annoyance.

"Barragan-sama is very busy at the moment, you shouldn't disturb him," he heard Findor try to tell the child.

"Looks like he's just taking a nap," the boy responded before plopping down on a cushion in front of him. "Dad said he wanted me to visit with him today."

'God help me…' Barragan thought with a roll of his eyes. The brat was no longer at an age where they could just hand him some crayons and have some lower ranked arrancar take care of the mess either. What was so difficult about Aizen spending time with the kid, especially if he viewed him asset enough to warrant an adoption? A few hours alone with Coolhorn though, and Aizen would have no choice but to correct any flaws in the boy's behavior…

Barragan grinned suddenly in a fashion that scared all of his fraccion as the ultimate revenge for Aizen's misdeeds came to him like a bolt of lightning.

"Coolhorn," he called, drawing relieved sighs from the other five. "Take Ichigo and run him through the Bala and Cero attacks."

"Why would I want to do that?" the brat asked, his nose crinkled slightly.

"Your father would be very proud if you were able to fire those without trouble, and if I remember right, your practices in the past have always been interrupted."

The orange haired kid seemed to think on the subject for a moment before shrugging and getting up to follow Coolhorn to Barragan's practice fields.

"Make sure you do _exactly_ as Coolhorn does," Barragan called after the kid.

zzzzzzzzzz

Aizen rifled through the papers that Szayel had handed him that covered the necessary information on how many souls were estimated to be in Karakura and whether or not they might be to import some extra souls. He was determined to go ahead with his plan for forging the King's Key, and with Ichigo soon to be full grown again it only made sense to begin preparations.

It really was too bad that there were still so many months left before the Hyougyoku was due to be fully awakened.

"Aizen-taicho," a sly voice called and the former captain glanced up to see Gin enter the room.

"What is it this time?" Aizen asked as he wondered what Gin had to suggest for activities this time. He couldn't possibly be thinking of something like a Quinceanera for Ichigo when he returned to fifteen years of age, was he? For some reason Aizen wouldn't put it past him.

"It's about Ichi-chan, I think you mi-"

"I've told you before, Gin. No piñatas, pizza, ice cream, doughnuts, and after your last fiasco, no trips to the living world."

"This isn't-"

"Isn't it?" Aizen wearily raised an eyebrow at his subordinate. "I know for a fact that Ichigo should be with Barragan today and if nothing else he will demand proper behavior."

Gin shrugged before turning away then stopping at the door. "Do you plan on dining with Ichi-chan tonight?"

"I'll take meals with him, you know that."

"Do you plan on seeing him before then?"

Aizen barely suppressed a groan; Gin either had something planned or knew something. "I'll see him and you at dinner tonight. Any misbehavior will be accredited to you."

"Alright Aizen-taicho. I'll behave."

Gin was either planning something or knew something, which it was Aizen wasn't entirely sure. And though he hid it well from Szayel and later from Tousen as they checked the status of the Hyougyoku, he found himself very much fighting the urge to go and check on Ichigo to insure the child wasn't being used in some nefarious plot. It was too bad really that Halibel wasn't expected back until after dinner had already started.

Slowly the day crept by and he began to notice an increasing amount of edginess amongst his arrancar servants. Even Loli and Menoli were acting uncharacteristically scared of something.

Finally dinner arrived and Aizen actually felt something akin to the icy fingers of dread ease up his spine. He would never let anyone know he felt such a thing as dread, but right then he did.

It was surprising that he was the first to arrive in the dining room, Tousen was usually there before him no matter the meal and Gin had seemed eager enough earlier if he would actually mention a meal.

"Aizen-sama."

Hearing a timid voice address him, Aizen turned to face the servant. "You have something for me?"

"A message for you Aizen-sama, from Tousen-sama."

"What is it?"

"He wished to tell you that due to certain events today, he shall not be dining with you tonight."

"Very well then," Aizen responded and dismissed the servant as his own dread rose. If whatever was going on was serious enough to cause this sort of reaction in Tousen, then he should truly be on his guard.

Less than a minute later Gin joined him in the room, his eerie grin not in place for once. In fact, he seemed to be wielding a blindfold and earplugs.

"Gin, of all the ridiculous things to bring into a dining room-"

zzzzzzzzzz

"Alright, I have taught you almost everything I know. Now go forth and show the world the meaning of Beautiful!" Charlotte declared as he/she pushed Ichigo to the door of the dining room.

zzzzzzzzzz

"-why does it have to be earplugs? Do have any idea what kind of example you're setting for Ichigo?"

As though answering to his name, the doors opened and since they were only expecting one other person to join them that night, Aizen turned automatically. What he saw flabbergasted and offended him, what kind of prank was this?

Ichigo wore a low cut hakama that looked ready to fall off at the first tug and a frilly top that reminded him far too much of Charlotte Coolhorn. To add insult to injury, someone had also put mascara, eyeshadow, and copious amounts of glitter on the boy.

"What is that?" he thundered, intent to find whoever had done this and see to their immediate slaughter.

Ichigo barely reacted to his father's tone, instead plastering on a huge smile before winking and striking a disturbing pose. "THIS IS BEAUTY!" the boy yelled. "I have been taken as the apprentice of Charlotte, Hueco Mundo's most beautiful arrancar, so that we may spread the word of beauty!"

Aizen turned to Gin, certain that he had something to do with this only to see the man had already shoved the blindfold and earplugs into place. Grabbing one of the plugs, Aizen demanded in as calm a voice as he could muster as Ichigo continued on a rant of beauty, "What part did you have in this?"

Gin didn't move, didn't even lift the blindfold. "I tried to warn you earlier. Only reason I'm here is that I was hungry enough to come so long as I had my protection."

Aizen groaned out loud for once as Ichigo bounced onto the table in front of them, spinning as he did. "You must watch my beautiful display!" the child whined.

"It's a display alright," Aizen replied as he grabbed Ichigo off of the table. "Gin, take Ichigo for a bath, I don't even care if you blow up the toilet doing it. "

"Where are you going?" Gin asked as his hand wandered through the air, grabbing Aizen's coat before the man directed it onto Ichigo's arm.

"To teach a certain arrancar the true meaning of beauty."

zzzzzzzzzz

Gin did take Ichigo to the bathroom despite the boy's protests and stayed with him until all the glitter, mascara, and eyeshadow had been scrubbed off. When they left the bathroom they made sure to take all the toilet paper with them and teepeed Aizen's throne room.

Aizen didn't mind though. Throughout the night a certain arrancar's screams could be heard ringing through Las Noches, declaring Aizen didn't understand beauty.

Also to be noted was that Barragan got punished as well. The reason Aizen hadn't minded when Gin and Ichigo had decorated his throne room using toilet paper was because he had been trying to think of a punishment for Barragan and found the solution in that room. Barragan was to clean it using his zanpakuto, no energy attacks to rot/decay/age the toilet paper out of existence allowed.


	19. Birds and Bees

Saria: Inspiration is slow right now…

Zas: That stinks. You're not as funny when that happens!

SA: She'll push through. This is her favorite story after all.

Tori: Cinnamon sticks!

Saria: YUM! (runs for the kitchen)

SA: (Groans) Zas, get the rope, I'll grab the author. She'll write this chapter even if we have to tie her to the chair!

zzzzzzzzzz

Halibel has returned and Aizen was pleased due to the fact he knew she wouldn't dress Ichigo in such disturbing clothing. He was faced with a new problem though: Halibel was going out on a mission again tomorrow as were Stark, Grimmjow, Yammi, and Zommari. Ulquiorra was still recovering, Szayel was conducting important research, and he didn't trust Aaroniero. Gin and Tousen were joining him for planning tomorrow and as much as he wanted to include the boy, Ichigo was still just a bit too young to be interested.

Well, at least who was left had a trustworthy fraccion who wouldn't allow the child to pick up disturbing habits.

Ichigo smiled brightly as he followed his mom to breakfast that morning. He knew she would have to leave for a mission soon but what time he got to spend with her was great. Why were there so many missions anyway? Nothing really seemed to be getting done.

Uncle Gin greeted him warmly in the dining room but he noticed that Tousen was decidedly absent.

"Where's Uncle Tousen?" he asked as he sat in his seat between Halibel and Aizen's normal seat.

"He won't be joining us today, something about letting the last of a foul aura fade before coming in."

"Foul aura?" Halibel asked as she quirked an eyebrow at Gin.

Gin responded with his trademark grin. "One of Barragan's fraccion played a prank yesterday. It was kind of disturbing."

"Is that why Coolhorn was screaming so much?"

Gin's smile was answer enough for her.

"Ichigo, promise me you'll never act like that one," Halibel asked, never noticing Ichigo's eyes widen.

"Yes mom," he replied while mentally thanking his father and Gin for not letting his mom see him yesterday before he was cleaned up.

"That is good to hear," Aizen's voice called from the door. "Coolhorn's behavior isn't appropriate for anyone."

They all settled into their meal after that and before long Halibel excused herself to go pick up her fraccion so they could depart.

"I'll be escorting you to your tutor for the day, Ichigo," Aizen stated as he stood when the meal was through.

The orange haired pre-teen nodded then stood and followed his father from the room.

Noitora groaned when Aizen walked through the door of his room, the brat following the man silently. When he was smaller the kid had been cute and an easy way to attract chicks and fights, possibly being the main reason behind one of the best days of his life. That didn't really hold true now: the kid was too old to be a chick magnet and too young to fight.

"What am I supposed to do with him?!" the cycloptic arrancar demanded.

"I do remember telling my Espada to be prepared to teach him something on the day that you watch him," Aizen suggested as he turned to leave. "Do try to think of something within the next few minutes."

"How much trouble can a brat be?" Noitora declared out loud as Tesla entered the room.

"Please don't tempt fate, Noitora-sama," the younger requested as his eyes settled on Ichigo.

"I'm right here you know," aforementioned brat declared as his eyes narrowed at Noitora.

"And not doing me any good by attracting chicks or fights," Noitora informed him with a disgusted look. "Women like smaller children, you're too large."

"Girls?" Ichigo asked, not quite understanding what the ugly man was saying.

"WOMEN! Not girls! Women!" Noitora corrected in an exasperated manner.

Ichigo wrinkled his nose in response as Tesla resisted the urge to facepalm. "What's so great about women or girls? They're gross!"

"What's so great?!" Noitora looked beyond horrified. "Don't you know anything about how much fun women are?"

"Girls aren't fun! They cry too much and always seem so absorbed with how they look for the most part!"

"Most part?" Tesla asked as he quirked an eyebrow while Noitora sputtered angrily.

"Well… Lilinette isn't bad. She can be lots of fun," Ichigo admitted as his face turned slightly red.

"Wait til you're older! Women are a lot of fun, almost as fun as fighting," Noitora declared as he glared at the child before them.

"What do you mean?" Ichigo demanded.

"Well, I'm supposed to teach you something anyway. Why not the birds and the bees?" Noitora declared as Tesla's eyes went wide. "You find a somewhat attractive bitch and-"

Noitora glared at Tesla as his lecture was cut off by the other's hand.

"He means… Um…" Tesla didn't know how to even begin to approach this subject. "UGH!"

Noitora retracted his tongue as Tesla yanked his hand away from his mouth, shaking the appendage madly.

"So, you find a somewhat attractive bitch and start a fight!" Noitora explained to Ichigo. "The stronger she is then the more fun you can have."

"A fight?" Ichigo asked before Tesla grabbed his jacket sleeve and pulled him to the door.

"Wait right here," the fraccion ordered the boy as he pushed him into the hall.

"What are you doing, bitch?!" Noitora's voice screamed as he approached the door that Tesla hurriedly closed though the Espada continued to yell. "If they're strong then you can pound 'em harder!"

A yell came from the other side of the door and Ichigo found himself edging away from the door. A thump came then the yelps and groans of a fight.

"I still don't get how girls are fun!" Ichigo yelled at the door. "You seem perfectly fine fighting Tesla!"

The yells and yelps continued and it seemed his shout had been ignored. Groaning, Ichigo turned down the hall and stomped off, determined to find something to do or someone to entertain him.

The answer came in the form of Tousen who was just headed to his meeting with Aizen and Gin.

"Uncle Tousen!" Ichigo declared when he ran into the man.

"Ichigo? Weren't you supposed to be with one of the Espada today?" the blind man asked.

"I was with Noitora for a short while but he tried to explain something about birds and bees that was actually about girls, then Tesla tried to push me out of the room. Noitora called him a girl and I think they're doing the birds and bees now since they started fighting and making weird noises."

Tousen's breath became very short during Ichigo's explanation. He thought the previous warning those two had been given was enough!

"Ichigo, I think you're old enough to… go to the training grounds and join the swordsmanship class," Tousen informed the boy as he thought quickly of an activity that would keep the boy pure and healthy.

"Alright! I get to play with my sword!" Ichigo yelled as he wheeled around and took off with s Sonido, right as Tousen's jaw dropped over the boy's choice in words.


	20. Birds and Bees 2

Saria: (grins) I feel inspired!

Tori: That's great! Cinnamon stick?

Zas: Don't mind if I do! (grabs two)

Saria: Hey! Those are mine!

SA: You're feeling inspired, so write.

Saria: Alright, but can you UNTIE ME FIRST?! (still tied to the chair)

zzzzzzzzzz

Ichigo grinned as he wandered onto the training field and glanced over at where the swordsmanship class was happening. The arrancar that were present for it were mostly lower ranking ones with the exception of the ninth Espada, Aaroniero. The boy's grin widened as he remembered training with that one in the past, he was a bit slow and others liked to pick on him but he seemed alright to him.

The arrancar who was running the drills was surprised to see him but didn't try to stop him when he joined the line-up next to Aaroniero, who gave a rather quick sideways look to see if Aizen, Halibel, Ulquiorra, Gin, or Stark were nearby.

"Weren't you supposed to be somewhere?" Aaroniero asked once he insured the coast was clear. He really didn't want the kid near him if anyone were to show up.

"I was with Noitora but Tesla pushed me out when he started on a subject he called "The birds and the bees". Then he declared Tesla a girl and I think they started doing the birds and bees."

Aaroniero froze in the middle of the drill as that image flew threw his mind. Then, just because his imagination decided he hadn't been tortured enough, it coughed up an image of what any off-spring those two would have if either were capable of it.

"A kid from Noitora and Tesla, that's a scary thought," he muttered. Ichigo's ears proved to be sharp enough to pick up on his comment.

"A kid? They're going to have a kid?"

"Uh…"

"So, the birds and bees is where babies come from?" the orange haired terror asked.

"Uh…"

"So how does the birds and bees work?" the child continued, unaware that the entire class had stopped and were staring. "Noitora said it involves girls and is fun."

"Uh…" Aaroniero glanced around at the rest of the class, praying for someone who could help.

"Come on, where do babies come from?" Ichigo demanded as he realized that his questions weren't being answered.

"Uh…" Aaroniero's eyes finally fell on someone who was sure to help. "Ask him!" Aaroniero declared as he grabbed Rudobone who had been teaching the swordsmanship class.

"You're in a better position to explain this!" Rudobone yelled after the retreating Espada.

"Well I'm delegating this task to you!" the fish-tank headed Espada shouted back.

"So where do babies come from?" Ichigo asked the executioner.

"Uh…" Rudobone looked around at the class of arrancar who chose then to break ranks and run for it. "GET BACK HERE!" the executioner screamed as he chased after the various arrancar.

"HEY! I still want to know where babies come from!"

"I'm in the department of ending life," Rudobone shouted back. "The science of how life starts is better explained by a woman!"

"But mom is away!" Ichigo shouted back then angrily stomped as he thought of someone else who could explain this quandary to him.

Szayel glared at his image in the mirror. He had had to create a new fraccion and devour it in order to get his hair to grow back, unfortunately that didn't include his eyebrows. The hairs that had begun to grow there were so short right now that they pointed straight out rather than taking the shape he had so carefully refined them to.

A knock on the door drew his attention and he turned to go see who it was. At least they had the decency to actually knock. Who he found at the door almost made him slam it shut again.

"Hey, I asked Aaroniero where babies come from but he brought Rudo to explain but he ran away and said a woman was better suited to tell me."

"Then why are you here?" Szayel gritted even as his own heart began to pick up.

"Well, you look a lot like a woman and they said it was science," the brat reasoned.

"Wasn't there anyone else?" Szayel demanded as his eye twitched in irritation.

Ichigo shook his head. "Noitora tried to tell me but Tesla stopped him and they started to do the birds and bees."

"WHAT?!" Now Szayel was very interested, maybe he should have seen this coming though. Noitora seemed so intent to kill just about everything, Tesla being one of the few who survived being around him for any extent of time that wasn't an Espada. Come to think about it, Noitora did seem too interested in women sometimes, like he was compensating or covering up for something.

"So, are you going to tell me or not?" Ichigo demanded, his voice drawing the scientist from his reverie.

"I… I… I'm busy! And that question is more medical than science!" Szayel shouted as he shoved his door closed again after pushing the child back into the hallway.

"Medical?" a shout came from the other side of the door but the pink haired scientist chose to ignore it in favor of heading back to his lab for a beaker of acid to hopefully burn the images he now had popping through his head out.

Ulquiorra was starting to feel more like himself though he was still confined to the medical ward. At least he wasn't terrified that the tone deaf harpies from that horrifying place in the human world were going to jump out from either under his bed or around the corner anymore.

Groaning, he leaned back on the pillow of his bed and picked up the book given to him by one of the medics on how to deal with anxiety.

"Hey, Orra!"

Ulquiorra ripped the book in half on accident as he threw his hands up to stare at the brat. "What do you want?" he asked in as level a voice as he could manage.

"How are babies made?"

If the book hadn't already been destroyed, it would have been right then as Ulquiorra stared at the child and his energy temporarily went out of control. Where was Gin when he was needed?!

"Hey, Orra, you okay?" the brat asked when he noticed the scorch marks next to the Espada's hands. He grinned when the other nodded. "So, where do babies come from?"

"Aizen-sama!" Ulquiorra screamed as he attempted to escape the bed. He was a warrior, an Espada, a high class hollow, and he was not prepared for these sorts of questions!

"Ulquiorra-sama! Please calm down!" a medical attendant cried when she saw the Espada struggling against the restraints they had used to keep him still during his earlier episodes.

"I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHERE BABIES COME FROM!" Ichigo screamed at Ulquiorra who seemed to seize at just the prospect of explaining such a topic.

"Please calm down!" the nurse cried as Ulquiorra seemed to go into cardiac arrest before turning to Ichigo. "I think you should leave for right now."

"But I haven't gotten an answer yet!"

"I'm sure that Aizen-sama will answer any question you have," the nurse reassured as she pushed him gently towards the door.

"So, once Ichigo returns to full size we'll have a better idea of what our forces will be for the invasion," Aizen continued. "Even if we can't use him in the fights, we should have more than enough power with Stark, Barragan, and Halibel."

"I'm sure Ichi-chan will be just fine," Gin informed him with a grin as a knock came on the door.

"Who would interrupt us?" Aizen asked as the three heads turned towards the door.

"Father? You in there?" a voice called and Aizen's brow lifted in confusion.

"Weren't you supposed to stay with Noitora today, Ichigo?" Aizen asked as he moved over to the door and cracked it open. "What is it that you need?"

"I have a question."

"What would that be, and please be quick. Gin, Tousen, and I are very busy."

"Where do babies come from?"

Aizen stared at his son for a moment before shutting the door and running behind his throne. When he saw Gin begin to move towards the door, he grabbed the man's foot and dragged him back.

"What's wrong Aizen-sama?" the silverette asked.

"Don't go over there, he is asking the most evil question in existence."

"What would that be?" Tousen asked as confusion and worry rose in his chest. He had never witnessed Aizen act like this and it bothered him.

"He wants to know where babies come from!"

Gin and Tousen both went still for a moment and then Tousen was crouching alongside him behind the throne as Gin attempted to shove himself under it.

"What are we going to do?!" Gin asked his leader.

"We wait."

"For what?" Tousen demanded.

"Either for Halibel to come back and explain it to him, or for him to grow to an age where he has already received the talk."


	21. Birds and Bees 3

Saria: Sorry about the long wait!

SA: Saria actually had an idea for this but got busy.

Zas: And lazy.

Saria: No, I just wanted to work on my other stories!

Tori: But you still ignored this one!

zzzzzzzzzz

Ichigo waited all of twenty minutes before realizing that his father wasn't going to be coming out again at which point he turned and headed down the hall. There was one person he could think of that was cool enough to answer his question since apparently his father and uncle Gin were unwilling. One person who had never let him down thus far, even at risk of injury!

It was time to ask Grimmjow!

zzzzz

It was proving to be a decent day for once for a certain blue haired Arrancar. He had happened to pass by the infirmary a while ago and had the privilege of seeing Ulquiorra was once again strapped to his bed as he screamed for Aizen. He had happened upon Aaroniero as he went streaking through the halls yelling for everyone to hide. Rudobone had even given the okay for him to practice some of his techniques on some of the low level Arrancar who had apparently run out on their swordsmanship class.

Currently he was stretched out on a couch in his room as he considered what to do next. The brat would soon be old enough to fight again and he no longer had to worry about baths and diapers. Maybe he should try to get the kid into his first real fight once he was old enough?

His thoughts came to a stop as a knock on his door was heard and he wondered for a moment if he should even bother getting up to answer it. The knocking continued though so he decided to just get this over with.

"Who's there?" he shouted at the door.

The person on the other side apparently took that as an invitation and shoved his door open, slipping into the room as silently as they could.

"What're you doing?" Grimmjow demanded at the sight of the fish-tank Arrancar only for Aaroniero to make a silence gesture at him.

"I need to hide!" the other told him.

"Who'd'ya try to eat this time?" Grimmjow asked as he stretched again on his couch, determined to not let this ruin his day.

"No one! The brat is the cause!"

"You've said that before," the blue haired man shot back. "You've accused him of everything from conspiracy to kill you to planning the apocalypse."

"He's evil!" the other shouted. "And I need to hide!"

Grimmjow shrugged as pointed at a closet where he kept several extra cushions. If it would shut this guy up then he'd let him stay. "Just keep quiet."

"Don't need to tell me!" the Ninth told him as he opened the closet and shoved himself in.

Grimmjow rolled his eyes then settled back onto his couch. Just as he was beginning to nod off, another knock came at the door.

Groaning, this time he actually got up to yell at whoever had just disturbed him while Aaroniero hissed at him from the closet to not open the door.

Ignoring the other, Grimmjow opened the door furiously; almost ripping it from the hinges then glanced down at the brat that stood before him wearing a large grin.

"Hey Grimm! I've got a question that no one will answer!"

Grimmjow felt his eye twitch as he stared at the kid then relented. He just wanted his nap and the sooner this kid was gone, the better!

"Fine, what'd'ya want?"

"Where do babies come from?"

Grimmjow's jaw dropped as he suddenly realized why Aaroniero was trying to hide. It actually explained a lot of the happenings today! God lord, and he thought he was just having a good day!

"Ask your dad!" Grimmjow yelped as he attempted to shut the door only for the kid's sword to appear and jam it open.

"Dad won't say!" Ichigo yelled. "I want to know about babies!"

Grimmjow didn't care that there was a sword in the way as he continued to push at the door, praying for it to shut and save his soul!

"I don't know anything about babies aside from what Ulquiorra told me!"

"But you took care of me when I was little so you must know!"

"Szayel just brought you to a meeting one day!" Grimmjow argued as he considered whether or not kicking the door would do him any good.

"So how did Szayel make me?"

"He didn't!"

"Then where did I come from?"

Grimmjow had never met the brat's real parents but just the thought of someone doing that to make this kid almost had him convulsing. Reaching out, he grasped a nearby table and shoved it against the door then considered his options for escape. He needed to make it look like he left without worrying about being caught!

Powering up a cero, he blasted the opposite wall before running to the first door other than the one behind him, jerking it open, stepping through, and then pulling the door closed.

"Hey!" a voice squeaked and Grimmjow realized where he was as he felt the other shift about behind him.

"Shut up!" he hissed at the other. "We're both in the closet right now, be glad I don't use you as a distraction."

"We'll have to come out of the closet sometime," Aaroniero whispered as the sound of something being shoved on the floor could be heard and light feet entered Grimmjow's room.

"Stupid kitty!" the brat's voice declared and Grimmjow was just barely kept from giving away their location by the timely interference of Aaroniero's hand.

"Shh!" the other whispered as the feet ran by their hiding place towards the hole Grimmjow had made.

Silence continued for several moments before Aaroniero removed his hand from the other's mouth at which point Grimmjow's eye was twitching again.

"When do you think it'll be safe to come out of the closet?"

"Don't know, and that had better be your zanpakutou that is poking me."

zzzzz

After jumping out the hole made by Grimmjow, Ichigo raced through the halls, hoping to find the blue haired man but without any luck. It seemed a blue haired man had given him the slip.

Growling, Ichigo thought on who was left to possibly explain this to him. Tesla had stopped Nnoitora, Aaroniero ranaway, Szayel kicked him out, Ulquiorra had sent him to dad, father hadn't let him in and he had uncle Gin and Tousen with him, and now Grimm-kitty had run away. He could ask Stark if he could get him to wake up, mom hadn't been pleased with Barragan last time, mom was away, so that left Zommari and Yami.

Pushing through the doors to the kitchen, he found one of his intended targets was making himself a rather large looking ice cream sundae. For some reason or another, those always made him smile but father never allowed those to be made with him around.

"Hey Yami!" he called as he walked over to where the other was vigorously shaking a bottle of chocolate sauce.

"Hey brat!" the giant called as he managed to get the chocolate sauce to drip over the ice cream. "Do you see any nuts?"

"Yeah," Ichigo replied as he plucked a bag of chopped walnuts from the menagerie of condiments. "Do you know where babies come from?"

Yami, who had been reaching for the nuts, froze instantly at the question then grabbed the sundae he had been working on and shoved it into the child's hands.

"You can have it as long as you promise to ask someone else!" the man announced as he ran for the door, leaving Ichigo holding the treat with a slightly confused expression.

Surprisingly, right as Yami sprinted down the hall Zommari appeared at the door. His eyes widened spectacularly at the sight of Ichigo holding a sundae.

"You shouldn't snack like that," the skull wearing Arrancar stated as he took the sundae and shoved it into the freezer.

"Okay, but would you answer a question?"

"Fine," the Arrancar replied as he glanced at the child.

"Where do babies come from?"

For a moment the dark Arrancar stared at him then the space before him was noticeably absent. Ichigo blinked then ran to the door but the Espada was already gone.

"What is wrong with everyone?!" Ichigo screamed right as a set of arms caught him up in a hug.

"Something wrong?" Halibel asked as Ichigo wheeled around and grinned then hugged her. He stepped back and pouted at her question.

"I wanted to know where babies come from but no one would tell me!"

Halibel felt ice climb up her spine but decided that she might as well explain this to him. "Alright, mind telling me who you asked?"

Ichigo began to count out the people with his fingers. "Nnoitora but Tesla stopped him, Aaroniero but he told Rudobone to do it, Rudo sent me to Szayel who said he didn't know and then Ulquiorra. The nurse sent me to dad but he didn't answer and uncle Gin and Tousen didn't say anything either. Grimmjow ran away and so did Zommari. Yami was nice though and gave me a sundae but Zommari took it away, can I have it after dinner like he said?"

zzzzz

"Well, we're out of the closet," Aaroniero pointed out to Grimmjow who growled in irritation before glancing around the table. Zommari was to his right, and beyond him was Rudobone, Gin, and Tousen. On his other side was Aaroniero then Ulquiorra, Szayel, Noitora, Tesla, and Aizen. Ichigo was sitting at the head of the table while Halibel and her fraccion circled the group.

"Halibel, what is this about?" Aizen demanded.

"It has come to my attention that Ichigo asked a question that none of you seemed able to answer and that the only one decent about this was Yami which is why he has been excused from this."

"So… Why are we tied up?" Gin asked as the projector was turned on by Mira Rose.

"To insure there are no shenanigans. Since you were all incapable of explaining where babies come from, you will all be taught."

"NOOO!" Ulquiorra screamed, surprising them all by his outburst only for Sun-Sun to silence him by shoving a cloth into his mouth.

"To start with Ichigo, babies are created by the interaction of a man and woman," Halibel began.

"Does that mean I shouldn't play with Lillinette?"

All around the table, the captive audience winced slightly or began to cry for whatever higher power they believed in to come and save them.


	22. Birds and Bees 4: End of Part 1

Tori: HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

SA: SHUT UP! (pulls out a mallet) The next person I see wielding blinking lights shall see their own stars!

Saria: (hides behind Zas) I hope we remembered to take down the Christmas lights…

Zas: Christmas lights? We don't have a house or apartment so that shouldn't be an issue.

Saria: Right… (glances out the window where their car is sitting)

zzzzzzzzzz

Ichigo found his mom's lecture to be interesting though a bit disgusting and was quick to try to put certain images out of his mind. That proved to be very easy since Ulquiorra was sitting nearby, crying into Szayel's shoulder as the pink haired man shouted out everything that he believed Halibel was doing wrong. He was soon silenced the same way Ulquiorra had been with a cloth being shoved into his mouth.

All in all, Ichigo could say he didn't have to worry about Lillinette having kids from playing with him; they never did anything even remotely like the things indicated on the projector.

Something occurred to him right as the lesson seemed to be ending though.

"Mom, if Noitora and Tesla are both men how do they do the birds and bees?"

"WHAT?!" Noitora screamed as Tesla's jaw dropped as well. "I'VE NEVE-UMPH!"

Mira Rose and Apache clapped high fives as they double teamed on the praying mantis Espada and shoved two clothes into his overly large mouth.

"Don't try to deny it," Tousen stated plainly from across the table. "We've all seen or heard the two of you going at it."

"And you're the reason he asked in the first place!" Aaroniero added.

Tesla had managed to find his voice though words didn't come easily. "I… We… With Noitora-sama?"

Halibel smiled at her son for noticing such a glaring deficiency in the situation that had happened today before she turned her eyes on the other amassed beings and the smile turned sadistic.

"When two men are together it is called homosexuality," she explained. "Most partnerships of that sort still have a female and male role."

Ichigo nodded studiously before glancing at the two who had inspired his question. "So, Noitora's got long hair… Does that make him the girl?"

All around the room eyes bulged at the thought and Noitora began to visibly redden as he shook his head in the negative then tilted it at Tesla.

Even Ulquiorra's sobbing had let up a bit at the question and he now stared at the two.

That explains why I hear you complaining about your hole getting bruised over the monitors," Tousen stated and Gin laughed loudly as everyone felt their jaws drop this time.

"I remember that day! Ichi-chan was supposed to be watched by them and wandered into the control room instead!"

Halibel's face began to color in anger at the nonchalant comments but the anger was not directed at Gin. It was directed at the two perverts that couldn't keep their hands off of one another even when there was a child in the room!

"Are you two that screwed up in the head?" she demanded while Grimmjow finally let out a harsh laugh of his own.

"Don't think the screwings in the head!" he called over the table. "Man, no wonder that guy's always hittin' on women, never gets to top-" Grimmjow was cut off by Sun-Sun shoving a piece of cloth into his mouth to stop the raunchy flow.

At this point Noitora was trembling with rage and stamping his feet madly since he couldn't move anything else.

"I say we end this here for tonight," Halibel finally declared before pulling out a small dagger and walking to Gin's chair. "Apache, Mira Rose, Sun-Sun, take Ichigo back to our area. I'll be there shortly."

"Yes ma'am!" the three saluted then Sun-Sun took Ichigo's hand and the four of them Sonidoed away from the meeting room.

The room was silent for a moment before Halibel gave one last warning to the group.

"Next time this happens, I'll be sure to give an in-depth lecture that will include visuals on homosexual bonding." Reaching over, she cut the binds on Gin's right arm then dropped the knife into his lap and disappeared herself using Sonido.

Gin grabbed the knife eagerly and freed himself the rest of the way before glancing at the group. "So, any bribes on who should be released first or at all?"

zzzzz

The next morning almost broke Halibel's heart when she saw Ichigo. He was back to full size now but there was something decidedly different about his features. The scowl that usually traced the features before was gone and he now wore the white uniform of the Arrancar. Things seemed better when he smiled at her immediately upon seeing her.

"Good morning mom," he said evenly before she wrapped him into a hug.

The palace was in chaos that morning as they headed for breakfast with several piñatas being seen scattered about, the halls changing seemingly at random, and there seemed to be streaks of ice cream on many of the walls. They even saw Charlotte Coolhorn running around in a glittery purple uniform.

The breakfast area was much like it had always been except that Gin waved at them jovially as they entered.

"Hey! Guess how got named Chief Decorator and Event Planner of Las Noches!" he called before leaping to his feet as his eyes widened slightly at the sight of Ichigo. "Ichi-chan seems bigger today."

"I'm not a kid anymore, stop with the –chan already!" Ichigo griped as he headed to the table then stood again when Aizen entered.

For his part Aizen Sousuke just blinked slightly then pretended there was nothing different that morning as he sat at the table as well.

"Gin, did you release Ulquiorra like I asked?"

"Sure did Aizen-taichou! I think Noitora is the only one still at that table."

"Did you even attempt to remove the gag so he could make an offer for his freedom?"

"Nope, part of the deal with Grimm-kitty was that Noitora's gag stay in place!"

Aizen seemed to suppress a chuckle then. "I'm surprised Tesla hasn't attempted to free him."

"I think Tesla is trying to put as much space as he can between him and Noitora!"

The sound of the door opening announced Tousen's arrival and all heads turned to acknowledge the man. Ichigo felt his jaw drop at the sight of the ice cream and paint smeared man.

"Good morning," Tousen offered as he took his seat.

Breakfast passed quickly enough then Ichigo joined Tousen for more kidou lessons as Aizen called a meeting for his Espada. Just as Gin had said, all captives of the night before had been released with the exception of Noitora.

"I have an announcement today, it seems as though Ichigo has regained his appropriate age and continues to view us as allies."

Relief was apparent on all faces and the various Espada began to relax.

"Also, I asked Szayel to do research on the compound he used on Ichigo. Would you present your report?"

Szayel grinned broadly from his seat next to Noitora. "All indications show that he should now be stable and his new memories permanent. A great ally gained by something so simple!" He raised a medium sized tube then for all to see.

"Can we use it as a weapon against Soul Society?" the overlord of Hueco Mundo asked.

"No," Szayel replied as he uncapped the potion. "Right now it is completely harmless and will only be active if it is introduced to subjects in liquid form at full dose. Turning it into a mist will be ineffective as the subject's body will recognize what is happening and form a resistance. Putting it into a water supply will not insure a full dose. Unless you want everyone to run around with syringes then it won't make a difference."

"How many doses do you have left?"

"Four, all in this vial."

Noitora glared at the vial as he continued to try to force the ropes to release him. He had been at it all night and they were looking the worse for wear already.

"Very well then. Since we can't use it and I have no interest in any other allies of Soul Society, destroy it."

"Now now Aizen-taichou, couldn't we use it to our advantage?"

"How?" Aizen demanded as his eyes narrowed slightly.

"Well, we co-"

"HA!" Noitora howled in triumph as he finally freed himself. His mad eyes roved over the table before quickly fixing on Grimmjow.

"Take this!" he shouted as he grabbed the open tube from Szayel and chucked it at the Sexta Espada.

Grimmjow was so shocked by the strange action that when he caught the tube it was with his mouth. Liquid entering his mouth surprised him and he choked as beside him Ulquiorra grabbed the tube.

"SPIT IT OUT!" The Cuatro screamed desperately. "We just finished with the brat; I refuse to go through this with you!"

Grimmjow on the other hand coughed and wheezed, trying to force out the cursed product of a deranged man of science. His only relief when he couldn't expel anything was that at least he wouldn't be suffering through Brat Season Two.

Silence reigned in the room before Halibel crossed her arms pointedly. "I already have one son, I don't need another."

"Damn it, take all the fun out of this," Grimmjow groaned.

Ulquiorra on the other hand was panicking as he considered all the mayhem that could and would be caused by a miniature Grimmjow. A blue brat running rampant and he might still have his release form! Escape seemed impossible until he remembered what he was holding.

"Sorry Aizen-sama," he murmured before raising the test tube to his own lips and swallowing some of the potion before it was grabbed by Gin.

"Great, now we'll have two of them!" Gin almost sounded happy. "And there's more left!"

"Take it to the Human world and get rid of it!" Aizen ordered as he glared at Noitora. Screw being mad at Aaroniero, the Cyclops's crimes had just eclipsed the other totally. Being the cause of him having to listen to The Talk, having two Espada out of service, and almost receiving the homosexual version of The Talk was something he could never forgive!

"Right-o Aizen-taichou!" the silver haired man replied as he had a Garganta opened.

zzzzz

Three cups of tea were steeping quietly as Tessai organized a plate of cookies for himself, the manager, and Yoruichi-san. Jinta and Ururu were out playing with the Kurosaki girls so he was unconcerned about being interrupted. So unconcerned he never noticed the pale hand that dumped the remaining contents of a test tube into two of the three cups.

Setting the cookies and tea on a tray, he marched into the next room over where Yoruichi and Urahara were discussing how they should try extracting Kurosaki-kun from Hueco Mundo before permanent damage was done.

Each of them grabbed their tea as soon as he set the tray on the table and a cookie.

"Are freeloader-san and the others going to try again using the Garganta?" Tessai asked as everyone took their first sip.

"They're hinting at it, and previous attempts have given us some idea on where are good places for the Garganta to open."

"I'll be going this time," Yoruichi declared as she drained her cup then grabbed another cookie.

"We'll see," Urahara stated as he sipped his tea.

zzzzzzzzzz

Alright! This ends part 1 and so starts part 2, aka: the sequel!

Thanks to all the reviewers and I hope you continue to read!


	23. Madness Continues: Beginning of Part 2

Saria: (cackles evilly) To anyone who reads this part, I'll let you guys in on a little secret: as soon as I feel inspired it takes about an hour to write each chapter in this fic!

Zas: SARIA! Now everyone is gonna be mad at us, your muses!

SA: No, some crazy fan is just going to kidnap, imprison, and force her to write.

Tori: She's inspired right now… Though I'm not too sure when this chapter will be posted.

SA: It's the reviews. Reviews inspire her.

Now for Baby Madness Part 2!

zzzzzzzzzz

It was unsurprising that Aizen immediately had Grimmjow and Uquiorra sequestered in the medical center and made Szayel go develop more of the potion that he had made for curing Ichigo. What was surprising was the fact he locked an unarmed Noitora in with the two and how long the potion took to change the two.

As the overlord of Las Noches observed the three over the surveillance system he almost missed the return of Gin. However he did not miss the mischievous twist that was present in Gin's ever present smile.

"Did you dispose of the chemical?" Aizen asked his former lieutenant.

"Of course!"

The smile held too much mischief for him to relax just yet. "In the Human world?"

"Yep!"

Now the smile was almost bursting with mischievous pride but Aizen found he didn't care and turned his attention to a screen that showed the training grounds. Ichigo and Tousen were sparring there, the former Ryouka dancing with his zanpakutou as though he had grown up with it rather than the choppy style he had previously had.

"So, Ulqui-chan and Grimm-kitty are still themselves?" Gin asked as he gazed at the screens.

"Szayel has no idea how long it will take since those two ingested it rather than having it shot straight into their veins. Even then he doesn't know how long it took Ichigo to change."

Gin shrugged but his grin grew softer. "What's the plan for now?"

"Noitora will be taking care of them at first as punishment for starting this." Aizen's eyes glinted viciously at the screen.

Gin laughed and departed as he saw the two soon-to-be chibified Espada yawn and sit on either one of the beds or couches.

zzzzz

Tessai found it rather strange that manager-san and Yoruichi-san both decided to take a nap so shortly after tea. Well, correction: this was normal behavior for the manager but odd from Yoruichi-san.

He offered no complaints though as he collected the tea cups and headed into the kitchen, quickly rinsing and washing the cups then storing what was left of the cookies. A once over of the kitchen confirmed everything was spotless except for a strange test tube that might belong to the manager before he headed back into the main areas of the house.

"Manager!" Tessai called out, certain the other should still be awake. "Did you leave a test tube in the kitchen?"

No response came so Tessai was certain the other was embarrassed right then.

"I've told you before that the kitchen isn't a place for these things! What if some of it got into our food or drink?!"

Stopping at the door of the manager's room, Tessai listened for a moment before entering the room. The fact that there were two sets of shoes by the door didn't bother him; anyone could see that those two knew each other very well. The two lumpy forms on the futon didn't deter him either as he grabbed the comforter and yanked it away.

"Manager!" he shouted to try to force the man up only to hear to cries instead and as the futon came back into sight as the billowing comforter settled, Tessai gulped.

Instead of two adults in states of partial dress were two children. Two very small children, infants really. One of them had dark skin and hair while the other was pale with blond hair.

"MANAGER!" Tessai yelled as he grabbed the blond baby that began to cry loudly. "This is why I always said not to take your things into the kitchen! Where's the cure?"

The baby didn't answer the nearly panicking man except to cry louder in protest of the rough treatment he was forced to endure.

Seeing this wasn't going to end well, Tessai forced himself to calm down and settled Kisuke back onto the futon along with Yoruichi and covered them with the comforter. Both continued to cry for several minutes more before settling down.

Heading down the hall to where the manager kept his lab, he rifled through the notes and searched for any missing equipment. Finding nothing out of place and nothing that described the results he had now seen firsthand, he walked back to the bedroom and stared at the kids.

He had several choices to make and the first of them was whether to stay here or head to Soul Society. Staying here gave him the luxury of the Human world but going to Soul Society offered the possibility of getting the aid of the Fourth and Twelfth divisions. And he didn't feel as though his mastery of Kidou would be of any use in this situation.

Groaning, he pulled out a bag and began to pack; thankful that the banishment of Kisuke was lifted the moment Aizen was proven a traitor. It was a hundred years coming and didn't affect life here when it did, but it was a life saver now.

zzzzz

Noitora stared at the two mounds of clothing that once belonged to his comrades, one a supposed superior and the other beneath him. They were quiet for now and the cycloptic Arrancar dreaded the moment they would wake.

One kid was a chick magnet; two was a disaster in the making.

Well, might as well make this easy for himself and keep them in the same place.

Moving to the couch, he tossed aside the now extremely large open jacket and extracted the blue haired baby that now sported kitty ears and headed to the bed.

'Please don't have bat ears, please don't have bat ears,' he prayed as he settled the infant Grimmjow onto the bed and began to pull and pat at the humungous jacket that once covered Ulquiorra scrawny ass.

"How the hell did you get into this thing?" he growled as he pulled at where he believed the zipper for the jacket to be. His jostling must have awoken the being inside because there was a squawk after a moment and then a howl that woke Grimmjow right as he finally got the jacket open.

Infant Ulquiorra didn't have bat ears; he instead sported a pair of wings and a tail. Noitora got a good look at them right before the tail smacked him across the face.

Grimmjow proved to be competitive even as an infant and screamed louder as Ulquiorra's cries were no longer being muffled and Noitora discovered that that kid had a tail too. It was shorter than Ulquiorra's and beat at the mattress beneath him furiously.

'Okay, I'm the strongest of the Espada,' he assured himself as the two brats continued to squall. 'What did the others do with the first brat when he cried?'

He drew a rather large blank on that topic seeing as how he didn't really take care of the kid. He left that part up to Tesla.

'Come on! I have a brain! What was something the orange brat did that kept him quiet?!' Noitora thought frantically as the two before him began to scream louder. The answer hit him right as he thought of his beloved zanpakutou. Paint!

There were no paints to be found in the medical center but he did find some paper and pens. Spreading the papers around the baby arrancar, the Fifth tried to tuck a pen into the hands of his former comrades. Neither seemed capable of gripping the pens though so Noitora was back to trying to find either paint or something else for the brats. After a bit of searching he managed to find an ink pad and set that before the screamers. Neither moved for it.

"What's wrong you brats?" Noitora demanded at the two. "The first one wasn't that much bigger than you when he was all over these sorts of things!"

A squawk over the intercom rang throughout the room and a moment later Aizen's voice spoke.

"They're practically newborns, not toddlers. Szayel will be entering in a moment with the antidote."

"How do I make 'em shut up?" Noitora yelled.

No response came and the cyclops was certain that Aizen was likely laughing at his misfortune.

What were other ways that they had made the first brat shut up? He knew that the first one had cried when hungry so were these two hungry? Good god he hoped not! Contrary to what others thought of him, he did do research every so often. The last time had been after hearing Grimmjow talk about breastfeeding. He had found some absolutely wonderful images from the human world shortly after only to run across a rather terrifying article that indicated that males could in fact breastfeed. Apparently it was a bit more common in areas where women were a bit scarce. He couldn't think of a place where they were scarcer than Las Noches, especially if Halibel and her fraccion refused to help.

"You're not hungry, are you?" he asked as he poked the blue haired baby's foot. The kid paused from screaming for a moment to glare at him in a very Grimmjow-like fashion before continuing to scream.

The miniature Ulquiorra sent an almost glare at Grimmjow and finally stopped screaming to yawn.

"Okay. You go to sleep!" Noitora declared triumphantly as he pointed at the mini-bat, proud to figure out how to deal with one of them and glad for the reduction in noise. And as one should expect the kid stared at his finger for a moment before he started to scream again.

"DAMN IT!" Noitora yelled and grabbed Grimmjow since he was the louder of the two. "JUST SHUT UP!"

The brat screamed louder and his tail slapped at his arms.

Aizen may have taken his zanpakutou away but there were plenty of ways to kill the squawker! Smothering him for instance!

Noitora shoved the head against his chest, intent to cut off the brat's airflow.

A swooshing of the door announced the arrival of someone else and snapped the volatile Espada out of his momentary insanity as he turned to face Szayel.

The pink haired Espada blinked at him for a moment before shrugging at the odd sight and moving to where Ulquiorra still lay, two syringes settled on the tray he held.

Relief flashed through Noitora at the other's silence but was short lived at the horrific feeling of a tiny mouth latching onto one of his nipples which was just barely visible due to the diving neckline of his tunic.

"HELL!" the arrancar screamed as he almost threw Grimmjow back onto the bed.

Szayel muffled a laugh at his actions as he gently ran a finger over Ulquiorra's neck and found a vein for the shot. "I was wondering what you were doing."

"So the brat really is hungry!" Noitora snapped as he grabbed a towel from the cabinet and began to scrub at his chest.

"Most likely, it has been a few hours and infants need to be fed regularly." The pink haired scientist never took his eyes off of Ulquiorra as he administered the shot, earning a small cry from the tiny being. Once he was finished he moved to Grimmjow and repeated the process except that one screamed loudly after the shot and thrashed wildly.

"You might also want to get them in diapers," Szayel stated as he set the syringes and tray aside and began to perform a quick check up on both of their chibified comrades.

"Diapers?"

Szayel rolled his eyes at the other's question then walked to where he knew the leftover diapers from the first infant incident were kept. He pulled two out then walked to where a once again quiet Ulquiorra lay. After a quick assessment of the small one's tail, he used a scalpel to create a slit in the device to accommodate the appendage.

"Place the backside of the diaper under the child, through the legs, over the front, and fasten it shut using the sticky straps." As he spoke he maneuvered the child for placement of the diaper and set it in place. "You'll need to resize the diapers once they get bigger."

"Yeah yeah, ain't difficult," Noitora shot back as he grabbed the other diaper and moved to Grimmjow.

"The antidote should activate in a few moments and if the results are similar to Ichigo-san's growth then they should be toddlers. And shouldn't y-"

Noitora cut off the other with a wave of his hand as he tried to position the diaper on the blue haired child. In response to Noitora's rough actions, Grimmjow yowled and twisted about, obviously fighting the placement of the diaper.

"Stop moving brat!" Noitora growled as he struggled to pull the straps to secure the sanitary device to the kid.

"You might want to-"

Again Noitora cut Szayel off, this time with a short kick to the other's shin.

"Squirmy little brat!" the cyclops growled then laughed in triumph as he finally got the diaper in position right as the intercom squeaked.

"His tail," Aizen's voice could just barely be heard over Grimmjow's pained cries and Noitora realized that they were indeed right; the brat's tail was being pushed against him at an odd angle and probably did cause him pain.

Noitora gulped then pulled the diaper off the kid and glanced around for a knife or scalpel to cut a hole in the diaper for the tail just as Szayel had done for Ulquiorra. Grimmjow glared tearfully at him and Szayel handed him a scalpel with an expression on his face that could clearly be read as "You're an idiot". He had a feeling that Ulquiorra was giving him a similar expression.

Leaning over a table, he drew the scalpel over the diaper then jabbed at it as he tried to make an opening large enough for the tail but small enough to not let anything disgusting escape. He hardly noticed when Szayel suddenly gasped and completely disregarded the sound of the other male grabbing a pen and paper for notes after adjusting a certain child's diaper.

"They shall definitely be hungry now," Szayel announced right as Noitora finished the hole in the diaper.

"Great, what do I feed 'em?" the other asked as he turned back and felt his eye twitch at the sight of two toddlers sitting on the bed rather than two babies.

"They should be good with eating regular food like the rest of us."

"Hungwey!" Grimmjow shouted as he raised a tiny fist. "Hungwey!"

Ulquiorra blinked at him but didn't say anything.

"Yeah yeah," Noitora grumbled as he shoved the blue tot onto his back and pushed his tail through the hole in the diaper. Before he could draw the front up though, a hot stream of foul smelling liquid hit him full in the face and his partially open mouth.

As he choked and prepared to let out a long and loud tantrum, Szayel grabbed the two toddlers, one of whom was laughing loudly, and high tailed it out of the infirmary, locking the door behind him.

zzzzz

Saria: Alright! So the torture is starting anew for two groups this time! For a challenge and to keep things interesting, each chapter shall now be in two parts to cover the antics of the chibified residents of Hueco Mundo and the Soul Society! So in the same spirit as Part 1 of this story, it is time to vote!

Zas: Who shall be the first to be tortu- I mean the first to look after the miniatures on both sides? We have all the residents of Hueco Mundo to choose from now-

SA: Plus all the residents of Soul Society.

Tori: So many choices, so little time!


	24. Diapers

Tori: Man… not much inspiration right now, huh?

Saria: I'll say. I've been trying to read some fics to lift my mood but not much is working. What few seem to have interesting plots are so poorly written that I lose interest fast…

SA: Grammar Nazi.

Saria: Hey, I mess up in writing sometimes!

Zas: Yeah, now if only you would proofread things.

Special shout out to Lucas Bane in this segment for their wonderful comment! It was very flattering to hear someone likes my writing to the point where they wish it would be turned into a series of OVAs!

zzzzzzzzzz

Yamamoto stared in horror as Tessai presented the two infants to him. He hadn't personally known Urahara Kisuke or Shihouin Yoruichi during their younger years but he knew their general looks.

"What happened?" he demanded as his tea cup was slammed onto the table. It was joined by Ukitake's cup while Kyouraku's met the floor.

"It's obvious," Kyouraku stated as he stared at the children as Tessai tried to catch his breath. "We all knew that Urahara and Shihouin were close, now we have proof of that!"

"I see, so which side do twins come from?" Ukitake asked as he pushed himself up.

"Heck if I know!"

"YOU HAVE TO HELP!" Tessai roared as he finally regained his breath. "THEY'RE BABIES!"

"We're not a nursery! Urahara and Shihouin can take care of their own mistake!" Yamamoto commanded.

"What're their names?" Ukitake asked as he patted the dark haired child's head.

"KISUKE AND YORUICHI! They're Kisuke and Yoruichi!"

All three men stared at the former Kidou master incredulously.

"Not very imaginative of those two," Kyouraku finally stated.

"They ARE Kisuke and Yoruichi!"

All stared at him in shock this time.

"We had tea and I found a strange beaker in the kitchen and they were in this form! I did a scan and the reiatsu was that of Ichimaru Gin!"

"Gin?" Now Ukitake stared at the two children again. "Don't the friends of Kurosaki Ichigo believe something like this happened to him?"

"Yep. And they're still tryin' to get back to Hueco Mundo to rescue him." The Eighth division captain confirmed as he sat back. "Seems there might be something to their theory."

"Call a Captains' Meeting immediately!" The So-taichou's voice boomed through the building and those present didn't think messengers would need to be sent. He also believed that all of the residents of Seireitei knew that there were babies in the building since the roar had caused both to break into screaming sobs.

_**Las Noches**_

Szayel groaned under the combined weight of the two toddlers he carried out of the infirmary as the two cried, Grimmjow once again howling at at least double the volume of Ulquiorra. To make matters worse, he still wasn't wearing a proper diaper and was continuing to let loss a stream of urine that splattered along the floor and walls. The scientist was going to take a LONG, HOT shower after this, burn his current clothing, and try to erase this from his mind.

It was very clear to him at least that Nnoitora was in no condition to take care of the tots so they needed to be placed with someone else for now.

"Szayel." Aizen's smooth voice called from behind him and he turned to face the former Shinigami Captain.

Aizen reached forward and took Grimmjow, who had finally finished peeing, and quickly straightened the diaper that was barely hanging on the child. For his part, Grimmjow stared at Aizen quizzically as the diaper was adjusted before hissing and baring teeny-tiny fangs. That was cut off as Aizen gently moved his fingers through the child's hair, focusing on just behind the perky kitten ears. Szayel almost dropped Ulquiorra when the blue haired Arrancar, renowned for being ornery, volatile, and all together… catty- leaned into the man's touch and seemed to purr.

"This might be an improvement," Aizen observed before glancing at the floor. "When he stops trying to peel his face off, have Nnoitora clean this up."

"What of…?"

Aizen glanced at the two children. Though Ulquiorra was unlikely to be much of a problem, Grimmjow promised nightmares to whoever watched him. Best course of action would be to separate them.

"Pass them along, SEPARATELY, and don't let Gin get his hands on either of them."

"Of course Aizen-sama," Szayel replied as he clumsily tried to bow as Aizen set Grimmjow down.

Reaching down, Szayel grabbed the blue haired tot before he could toddle off and turned to head down the hall. Who should he hand these guys off to? Halibel was probably still mad from yesterday and wouldn't take them and he didn't trust Yami to not accidentally step on them. Nnoitora was out of commission as was Tesla by extension. Stark was on a mission, Gin off limits, Zommari could outrun him, and Barragan would probably try to kill him.

His thoughts came to a halt as he spied Tousen and Ichigo as they wrapped up their training session. Neither of them knew of this new disaster yet, both were fair targets.

Heading down to the entrance of the training area, Szayel stood by the door and waited for the two to leave the field. It didn't matter which would be the first out, they would be getting Grimmjow who was now attempting to gnaw on his arm.

"Tousen-san! Ichigo-san!" he called as he rushed down a staircase to the pair. "You're both needed for something very important!"

Tousen almost looked to puff up slightly at being called for something important by the Eighth Espada, an Espada that typically only wanted to answer to Aizen. Ichigo on the other hand had been around Szayel enough while "growing up" to know that something was wrong.

"What?!" the orange haired teen demanded as a silent black bundle was shoved into his arms while a much more aggressive blue one was put in Tousen's.

"Keep them separated!" Szayel yelled back at them as he took off using Sonido.

"Wait!" Ichigo shouted and attempted to follow the insane scientist while Tousen struggled to gain control of the squirming bundle he had been landed with.

"Stop struggling," he ordered fruitlessly before finally getting the small form under one arm. A quick scan indicated that Ichigo had already gone after Szayel but Tousen knew it would be fruitless to try to chase the insane scientist so he instead headed to a better source of information since Aizen-sama was bound to be busy, Gin.

_**Seireitei**_

Tessai sighed in relief as Unohana took Urahara and the baby boy calmed down straight away. There were no immediate takers for Yoruichi though as the meeting began.

"A crisis has befallen us that causes me to believe the speculated fate of Kurosaki Ichigo," Yamamoto stated straight away, causing several heads to turn.

"That outrageous theory his human comrades have of him being turned into an infant?" Komamura asked. "What proof is there of that?"

"In Unohana and Tessai's arms!" Ukitake practically shouted. "Tessai even found proof that Ichimaru had been there right before Urahara and Yoruichi turned into children!"

"Urahara?" Kurotsuchi demanded.

"Yoruichi-sama?!" Soifon almost yelled and grabbed at the child in Unohana's arms before noticing the blond hair. Tessai let her have the baby without complaint when she approached him.

"Interesting!" Kurotsuchi declared as he leaned over the infant in Unohana's arms. "We'll need to take them to my division headquarters to determine what happened and reverse engineer this to make a cure! I can guarantee that they will be mostly kept intact."

"Not on your life," Tessai and Soifon replied in equally flat tones as evil looks crossed their faces.

"Now now," Unohana cut in gently. "We mustn't start a fuss, especially with children in the room. And since this is a matter of the body, shouldn't the Fourth division be a better place for determining what is wrong and creating a cure Kurotsuchi-taicho?" Unohana's eyes cracked slightly open as she directed her question to the mad scientist and everyone shivered at her vague threat.

"We do have something for the Twelfth though," Tessai pointed out as he produced the test tube. "This was what I found that had Ichimaru's reiatsu signature on it."

Kurotsuchi immediately grabbed the tube with a grin as he noticed little droplets inside the tube.

"As for right now the children should be taken in by one of the divisions," Yamamoto declared.

"Yoruichi-sama can stay with us at the Second," Soifon volunteered and Yamamoto nodded.

"Then the children will be the responsibility of the Second for now."

Soifon's eyes widened as she realized she would have to take Urahara as well but she didn't argue. She could get one of the lower ranked members or Omeada to watch him. If Yamamoto-soutaicho insisted that the two stay together, she could put up with the antics of Urahara Kisuke for the sake of Yoruichi-sama!

Unohana spoke up once more then.

"I really must insist that the children be examined to insure they are healthy." Her tone and expression allowed no room for argument and even Yamamoto didn't argue.

_**Las Noches**_

"Szayel! What is this?!" Ichigo demanded as he pounded on the door to Szayel's lab. "Szayel!"

"You just need to watch him for a little while!" Szayel's muffled voice replied. "Now please leave, I'm very busy with important projects for Aizen-sama!"

"Fine!" Ichigo shouted angrily before glancing down at the child he currently held who stared at him impassively. Damn this little guy reminded him of Ulquiorra…

"I think I'll call you Orra-chan for right now," Ichigo told the kid with a grin. The child though stared at him for a full minute before making a face and several seconds later a horrific odor cut through the air.

"Oh man! Did you just let one rip?" Ichigo demanded as the black haired child drew in a breath and let loss an earsplitting shriek. A moment of inspiration caused Ichigo to peek into the diaper and then he really did start to panic.

"SZAYEL!" he roared as he pounded on the door again only for the floor under his feet to give away. "DAMN IT!" Ichigo screamed as he fell, child in hand.

zzzzz

Tousen found Gin in the observation room as was normal. The man had seen his approach and greeted him enthusiastically.

"Tousen-san! So nice of ya ta visit!" Gin called.

"Cut the antics Gin, what is this?" Tousen demanded as he raised the squirming child that was now attempting to gnaw on several of his fingers with sharp little teeth.

"Aww! Grimm-kitty makes almost as cute of a baby as Ichi-chan did!"

Tousen almost dropped the child that Gin had just identified as Grimmjow. "How? When?"

"At the meetin', Nnoitora threw the potion Szayel used on Ichi at Grimm-kitty! Ulqui-chan got some too!"

"So both Ulquiorra and Grimmjow have been turned into infants?" Tousen clarified.

"They're tots now, best ta make the most of it!"

Tousen could just feel Gin's vicious grin and turned to make a hasty retreat.

zzzzz

Orra-chan screamed and flapped as the two of them fell, making it very hard for Ichigo to keep a hand on the kid during their fall. The kid's tail striking him across the face caused him to finally lose his grip right before the tunnel opened to dump them into a hallway.

Ichigo was so focused on trying to grab the winged brat that he landed flat on his back on the floor, knocking the wind out of him rather thoroughly. Ichigo just managed to draw in a breath as Orra-chan landed butt first on his face!

"BLEARGH!" Ichigo cried as the smell invaded his senses again. "I'm going to KILL SZAYEL!"

"Kill Szayel, Niño?" The familiar voice drew Ichigo's attention to one of his former playmates, Dordoni. "You should really have a good reason if you want to kill the Octavo Espada."

"He burdened me with evil!" Ichigo replied as he struggled back to his feet, holding the bat-like toddler at arm's length.

"Evil?" Dordoni asked right before the smell reached him also. "HEAVEN ALMIGHTY! GET IT AWAY!"

"What do we do with it?" Ichigo demanded.

"Toss it out!"

"Where?"

"I don't care so long as it's not here!" Dordoni's voice had changed octaves at this point and had Ichigo been any less stressed himself then it might have been funny.

"So what do we do?"

"WE NINO?!" Dordoni screamed.

"You want to leave me alone with this?" Ichigo deadpanned as he raised the still shrieking child. "I could dump it anyway in this area!"

"Let's see Cirucci." Turning, Dordoni led the way to the other Privaron's area, careful to remain upwind from the stink demon.

zzzzz

Tousen ran down the hall, the toddler in his arms laughing at the rush and no longer gnawing at his arm. Behind them Gin was in hot pursuit, firing several kidou spells in an attempt to capture the pair.

'He's innocent now, he's innocent now,' Tousen reminded himself over and over as he shifted the laughing child in his arms. If Ichigo could change to such a profound extent by being exposed to proper role models such as Halibel and Aizen-sama, then who knows how he could change Grimmjow! So long as he kept him out of Gin's hands. Ulquiorra would be perfectly fine in Ichigo's responsible hands and if the youth got overwhelmed he could always turn to Halibel.

A particularly sharp turn had Tousen slipping and skidding over the floor, the tot shrieking with laughter as his sharp little fingers dug into the former Captain's arm.

"I'll get you somewhere safe and quiet then teach you about justice and respect," Tousen promised right as a sharp feeling pierced his middle. In his arms the child cried out in surprise and mild pain as several more of what Tousen now recognized as the Six Bars of Light imprisoning spell struck.

"Now now Tousen-san! Shouldn't run with'a kid in yur arms!" Gin's voice called out as he walked calmly to where Tousen stood, unable to escape with an angry child in hand.

Grimmjow hissed as Gin's hands reached out and plucked him from Tousen's arms and the blind man hoped the child could resist until he could free himself, and possibly bite off a few of the fox man's fingers.

"It's alright Grimm-kitty, just gonna take ya ta have some fun!" Gin promised as he adjusted his grip on the child to keep his fingers away from the kid's sharp little teeth and claws.

"Rawl!" Grimmjow replied angrily at the man who he knew was responsible in some way for the end of his fun and pain.

"He was entrusted to me Gin!" Tousen informed the other angrily as he tried to force himself upright again.

Gin grinned then reached forward and grabbed Tousen's collar. "Guess ya gotta come too then!"

zzzzz

Cirucci glared at the two that stood before her, angry at being disturbed from her daily routine by the idiots. Her annoyance was made worse by the fact that they had a very loud brat with them.

"What're you doing here?" she demanded before a faint breeze brought a scent to her. "Dear god!" Reaching out, she jerked the child from the orange haired brat's arms and glanced around for a substitute diaper and finally chose a white handkerchief that she had been thinking of getting rid of anyway.

Dumping the toddler on a table she grabbed the cloth then set to work, quickly stripping the soiled diaper off and cleaning the brat's ass before pinning the new diaper in place. She only became aware of the screams behind her once she was finished.

"What are you idiots doing?" she demanded only find that Dordonii and Ichigo seemed to be playing a game of Hot Potato using the diaper. Neither had gotten any shit on them yet but she was annoyed enough now to change that.

Drawing her weapon, she waited until the diaper was about to be caught by Dordonii before launching that yo-yo end and smashing the projectile, spraying the other Privaron with the fecal matter.

"AAAUUUUGH!" Dordonii howled before turning and disappearing in the direction that Cirucci knew led to the bathing area.

Grabbing the now clean brat, she shoved him back into Ichigo's arms. "Now leave."

The other took her order to heart and disappeared as well.

zzzzz

Tousen glared at Gin from where he was currently tied to a chair as the other handed Grimmjow a collection of crayons and finger paints, a large number of papers spread out before the kid.

When Gin said that he was going to take Grimmjow to have some fun, Tousen remembered all the antics caused by him previously and was certain that there would be flooding, graffiti, and explosions. He was certain that he would find himself having to deal with an even bigger problem than ever, a vicious Grimmjow that had been trained by a conniving prankster. If he had known that this was what Gin meant…

"I shall teach you Justice!" Tousen promised though he was unsure if he was promising the now quiet toddler a brighter future or the grinning silverette a thorough lesson.

_**Seireitei**_

Unohana-san was willing to perform the examination of the children in the Second division's headquarters so it was easy enough to get them there. The problem now for Soifon was that the moment her hardened assassins had found out that they would be expected to aid in the care of two small children they had done the one thing that Soifon was certain she had beaten into their thick skulls: abandoned their mission without achieving their intended results.

With the exception of Omeada and three others whom she had managed to catch and chain down, the entire division had run for their lives the moment she demanded a volunteer to change Urahara Kisuke's diaper. They hadn't even seen the brat yet!

At the moment she was receiving missives from the Fifth, Eighth, Tenth, Eleventh, Thirteenth, and even the Fourth about her troops seeking shelter or asking to switch squads.

If the cowards could be defeated just by a simple task that many common women did everyday then she didn't need them! She could do this herself!

"Alright you little bastard," she murmured as she approached the still screaming brat. "I'm going to do this and you're going to hold still as I do!"

The baby's response was to kick his feet a bit as he cried louder.

Reaching out, Soifon grabbed his legs and quickly stopped their movement, holding them in one hand.

"Those bastards really were wimps, this is easy!" she declared as her free hand reached out to unpin the diaper on the child's hips. The moment the mess came into view, she reacted by dropping the feet of the bastard and jumping back, her hands quickly covering her nose as nausea swept through her form.

Maybe her division hadn't been such wimps; maybe they were just practicing prudence. Good lord that horrible stuff was evil and rank! Maybe she could just leave it?

No, she was a fearless assassin. She had trained under Yoruichi-sama herself and had sworn she would never back down!

Reach into a drawer, she quickly found a rag that she tied over her face, a pair of gloves that she slipped over her hands, and a pair of chopsticks.

Approaching the mess again cautiously, she poked at the diaper for a moment to make sure it wouldn't move before grabbing a corner of the diaper with her chopsticks and slowly dragging it off the baby's form. It opened again and gave her a clear view of the soaking mess inside and once again the smell assaulted her nose.

Soifon jumped back again with a gag and fought the urge to vomit even as tears gathered in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Yoruichi-sama… I can't do it…" She glanced in the direction where Yoruichi-sama's infant form lay, awake due to the crying and staring in her direction.

She could feel Yoruichi-sama's eyes on her; feel her disappointment at Soifon's surrender. And it was to Urahara Kisuke to boot!

Rage ran through her form then; she would never accept a defeat from Urahara Kisuke, even when faced by this ultimate evil! She also realized that Yoruichi-sama was depending on her since sooner or later she would need to be helped like this also. She would rather learn and prefect her technique on Urahara Kisuke and proudly show Yoruichi-sama what she learned when the time came than learn and stumble as she performed for Yoruichi-sama.

She would do this!

Marching back to the blonde child, Soifon slammed the chopsticks down on the table and grabbed the diaper with her gloved hands, hurling the soiled garment over her shoulder before grabbing a wipe to clean excess excrement. A new diaper was quickly in place and Soifon stepped back to admire her work.

She had done it! She had managed to do it and would now make Yoruichi-sama so proud!

"I did it Yoruichi-sama!" she cried to her beloved lady as an exuberance rushed through her that she remembered from serving Yoruichi previously, usually felt whenever her lady had praised her.

She didn't even notice her terrified subordinates and fuku-taichou watching her quietly from the corner she had chained them in, Omaeda wearing the crumpled diaper on top of his head but ignoring it in favor for worrying about his poor Captain. He had never seen her act like this!


	25. Hanataro Beats Kurotsuchi-Cookie Day

Saria: Do you need a break from modern living? Do you long to shed your weary load?

Tori: If your nerves are raw and your brain is fried, just grab a friend and take a ride together upon the open road! SA, Zas, join in!

(SA glares while Zas emphatically shakes his head no)

Saria: Do it or you'll be riding in the trunk!

Zas: (sings) All in all, I'd rather have detention. All in all, I'd rather read a tome!

SA: (glares at Saria but starts singing) An old man drives like such a klutz that I'm about to hurl my guts directly upon the open road!

Saria: Hey, I'm not old! Or male…

zzzzz

**Seireitei**

"TRAITOR!" Soi Fon howled as Omaeda lifted both of the bundled forms of the sleeping babies. The fat insult to the title of fuku-taichou had waited until she had momentarily let her guard down after she had successfully tended to the needs of Yoruichi-sama before he had jumped her and used her own belt to tie her arms behind her back.

"You're cracking Taichou!" he argued as he turned towards the door. "I've never seen you so close to crying or giving up on something as you were several minutes ago when Yoruichi got the hiccups!"

Soi Fon shook her head emphatically. "Yoruichi-sama could have been upset by them! What if they kept her from eating?!"

Omeada sighed as he stepped out of the door as his Captain continued to yell at him to bring Yoruichi-sama back. Some people were good with kids and some like his taichou shouldn't be within 100 yards of them.

Now, who to dump the twin terrors on? They needed to be of reasonable constitution and capable of withstanding the wrath of his taichou… Kyouraku! Wait, no, that guy would just get drunk and Soi Fon-taichou could just walk in and out with the kids.

Ukitake-taichou was sick today and even he wasn't cruel enough to take them to Kuchiki-taichou. If he took them to Kurotsuchi-taichou then Soi Fon-taichou would skin him for certain!

"Out for a walk with the children?" a sweet voice asked from behind him and Omaeda jumped as he swiveled around to face the speaker.

"U-U-Unohana-taichou!" he gasped in relief.

"Fresh air is good for them but I really should get to their check-ups," the captain continued evenly as she stepped past him towards the main office where Omaeda prayed Soi Fon-taichou was still struggling.

"Wa-wait Unohana-taichou!"

"Is there something the matter, Omaeda-fukutaichou?" The healer's voice remained sweet but contained a hidden edge that instantly had the man sweating.

"Uh-uh… Soi Fon-taichou is… Tied up with important business! She needed time away from the brats!"

"Oh, already? Well then shall we move this to the Squad 4 headquarters?" Unohana's expression didn't really change but when she spoke the edge was no longer present in her voice and Omaeda almost cried in relief.

Unohana led the way to her squad's main hospital building, even going so far as to relieve him of the burden of Yoruichi while in route as his arms began to ache a bit.

Finally the gates for the Fourth Division came into view and right as Omaeda thought they would make it, the feral roar sounded behind them.

Soi Fon Taichou was in full battle mode, obviously intending to take back Yoruichi by force. Her white haori was off and she currently wore the sleeveless and backless uniform top for the Commander of the Onmitsukidō. Her reiatsu rose exponentially and lashed out in violent waves.

"Omaeda-san," Unohana-taichou said politely. "What sort of business was Soi Fon-taichou tied up with?"

"Surrender Yoruichi-sama!" the crazed woman screamed as she rushed the two.

Omaeda resorted to a tried and true method of dealing with problems then: he screamed before turning and running full tilt towards the Fourth Division Head building. Or tried to since Unohana-taichou decided to reach up and grab his belt before he could get more than a step in that direction.

"If you're going into my division's headquarters then please take Yoruichi-chan with you. I don't want her to get too much sun."

Omaeda took one look at the building, then the offered baby, then at Soi Fon's approaching form before grabbing the child and high tailing it as he was released.

"Now now Soi Fon, no need to get violent." Unohana's gentle voice had regained the terrifying edge that it had before and Omaeda moved as though there was a fire under his pants. The nurse that met him at the door didn't stand a chance as he barreled over her and well into the lobby, turning into the second hall before coming to a screeching stop.

As he leaned against the wall, gasping at having such a close call, Omaeda failed to notice the approach of one of the squad members.

"Excuse me," a tired sounding voice said from behind the fuku-taicho who screamed loudly before wheeling around to face an average, timid looking man who began to promptly apologize.

"Never mind that!" Omaeda practically screamed before it occurred to him that in case Soi Fon-taichou got around Unohana here was the perfect way to at least temporarily circumvent the woman's rage. "These kids have a checkup with Unohana-taichou, make sure they get there!"

The plain guy gaped slightly then seemed to attempt to protest as the two babies were shoved into his arms. And before he could mount a real protest Omaeda took off down the hall, leaping out a window that faced away from the entry gate.

"But what am I supposed to do?!" Hanataro finally managed to yell after the large man.

"You can bring the specimens to the exam room," a horrific voice stated from behind Hanataro and the meek man eeped as he spun around to meet Kurotsuchi-taichou.

"Ah ah! Wh-what are you d-doing here?" Hanataro tried to demand in a strong voice but knew he failed spectacularly.

"I've been working with the compound that turned these two into infants. It was an exceedingly simple solution and I do believe that I have a means to reverse this."

The taichou's grin was excessively creepy and Hanataro slowly began to back away, especially as it sank in that Kurotsuchi intended to run experiments on innocent children!

"Nemu! Bring them along you useless girl!"

Hanataro had been almost ready to run when the arms of the fuku-taichou of the twelfth division circled him, trapping him then forcing him down the hall after Kurotsuchi.

"L-let go! They're ju-just kids!" the timid man argued as he was forced along. "Unohana-taichou! Isane-fuku-taichou! HELP!"

Neither woman answered his cries for help and he was dragged into an exam room. The medic held onto the children as the deranged scientist checked the exam table.

"No restraints, what a shame!" Yellow teeth were clearly visible as the madman clenched them. "Nemu, keep a firm grip on him and alert me if you feel anyone approaching!"

"Yes Mayuri-sama," the blank woman replied as her grip on the small male tightened as Kurotsuchi approached and glanced at the kids before attempting to extract the blond child from Hanataro's arms. "We shall start with Urahara Kisuke then! Make sure he doesn't get away with Yoruichi."

"Urahara Kisuke and Yoruichi?!" Hanataro finally looked down at the children and studied their features. "HOLY SHIT! URAHARA KISUKE AND SHIHOUIN YORUICHI HAD KIDS!"

Kurotsuchi made no reply, choosing only to harrumph in derision as he took that small child to the exam table then contemplated the space he had available.

"I'll take them both now, this won't take long," the blue haired taichou finally announced.

"No! Those two will kill us if you mutate their kids!" Hanataro protested as he attempted to shield the baby named Yoruichi.

Now the madman just grinned at him. "Or perhaps they'll thank us for what I'm about to do."

"NO!" the medic screamed as the child was taken from him and carried to the table. "SOMEONE HELP!"

Hanataro's screams became more desperate as the second infant was set next to the first and he began to fight Nemu's hold as the madman pulled out a small case from the sleeve of his haori. His eyes felt like they were ready to pop out of his head when he saw the demented taichou remove two syringes.

"STOP IT!" Hanataro screamed once more.

"Shut up you foolish boy! I will deal with you in a few minutes."

"Deal with who Kurotsuchi-taichou?"

The calm and sweet voice of Unohana sounded like the song of an angel on Hanataro's ears and he sighed in relief as she entered the examination room.

"Surely you didn't intend to start without me?"

Hanataro's heart had begun to calm with the presence of his taichou but now it went into overdrive.

"Start?! You're going to let him go through with this?!"

"Nemu-chan, would you mind letting Hanataro go?" Unohana smiled gently at the girl who glanced to Kurotsuchi who only waved his hand at her without turning his head. Taking that as consent, she slowly relaxed her grip and steadied the Fourth Division member.

"Let me see those," Unohana ordered Kurotsuchi who huffed then scrounged around in the pocket of his haori and pulled out another case that he passed to the other taichou.

Hanataro saw what was happening now. Unohana was trying to save the children but knew that she first had to remove the dangerous chemicals from Kurotsuchi's immediate grasp. How incredibly brave his taichou was and he could be as well!

Finally pushing himself away from Nemu, Hanataro saw the opening that his taichou had been trying to create and took it. His zanpakuto was near useless at fighting but spectacular at healing, and Kurotsuchi had been filling his body with false parts and upgrades. If he healed his natural bits then he could seriously impair the evil man of science!

"Hisagomaru!" Hanataro declared as he drew his blade and slapped it across where Kurotsuchi's ear should have been.

The effect was immediate, Kurotsuchi screaming as he grabbed at his ear as blood began to drip from it as new tissues began to form. Seeing another opportunity, Hanataro slashed his healing zanpakutou over the man's arm and watched as new tissues began to form and blood streamed down from various pockets that Kurotsuchi had obviously given himself.

"YOU BITCH!" Kurotsuchi screamed as he leveled his eyes on Hanataro. "Undoing all my hard work! Now I have to start over!"

The madman took a step forward, looking incredibly intimidating before he blinked and glanced at his newly healed arm then felt around his renewed ear.

"Start over… I can make myself BETTER!"

Hanataro blinked in confusion. He had actually expected to be running for his life now rather than having Kurotsuchi take a thoughtful stance, obviously thinking deeply before turning his eyes back to the medic.

"Heal my other ear."

Hanataro stared blankly now until Kurotsuchi grabbed his sword.

"I said heal my other ear! If I start over it will be in total!" the madman screamed and in fear, Hanataro swung his blade automatically and stared as Mayuri's other ear began to leak blood. "Very well, Nemu let's go."

Hanataro sighed in relief as the madman left, both ears now dripping blood.

"I shall be making use of that one again!" Kurotsuchi called through the door and Hanataro jumped in panic before turning to where is taichou still hovered over the children.

"That was very nice but you might want to wait until the patient is ready next time," Unohana-taichou stated as she set down an empty syringe next to another empty needle. "And I'm sure Urahara-san and Shihouin-san will be thankful that you were able to get my attention in time. Now you might want to leave before your zanpakuto explodes."

"Huh?!" Looking at his blade, Hanataro's eyes went wide as he realized that his sword had indeed shifted into Akeiro Hisagomaru. "AAHHH!"

Turning, Hanataro raced out of the room, down the hall, and out the front doors of the building, passing Kurotsuchi in his quest to get to an open area. He was just passing the gates to leave the division when he had the misfortune of running into someone and his sword fired out of reflex.

"Sorry, sorry!" Hanataro declared before a large hand grabbed him as he turned to return to the division.

"Oi, that was some attack!"

Terror ran through Hanataro as he looked back and found he was being held up by none other than Zaraki Kenpachi.

"Yes yes, it is surprising what his zanpakuto can do," Kurotsuchi stated as he walked past the pair. "Because of him I shall be able to go ahead with various upgrades I've wanted to try."

Zaraki stared at his fellow Captain who was still bleeding profusely from both ears and one arm before grinning at Hanataro.

"I like ya already! What say we have some fun?" Zaraki's grin was horrifying as he reached for his zanpakuto.

_**Las Noches**_

Ichigo breathed more easily as he left the Tres Cifras area then considered what had been dumped on him. He realized that this could be considered important but he had no intent to spend the rest of his day watching a toddler.

"So who is available?" he wondered aloud as he stared at the kid who blinked at him flatly.

Tousen already had one kid, Zommari could outrun him, and he didn't want his mom around a little kid for some reason or another. Father might be okay but he was probably busy and Szayel had proven himself faster than Ichigo ever gave him credit for being. Didn't Yami like these types of personality? Ulquiorra sure-

Ichigo could have slapped himself. Ulquiorra was the perfect person to hand this kid off to! He was a responsible killjoy that would probably LOVE being around the personality type that this kid was displaying.

Taking off with shunpo the orange haired teen rushed towards the corridor that Yami and Ulquiorra shared. The toddler he carried though immediately began to squawk and shout, scratching at Ichigo's arms angrily.

"Ow ow! Stop that!" Slowing down to just a run, Ichigo glared at the brat. "Fine, we'll go the slow way."

It took almost ten minutes to run to the hall after that due to the fact that Orra-chan screamed at him if he went too fast.

"Damn brat," Ichigo grumbled as he finally entered the corridor. "What do you have against a little speed?"

A gruff laugh behind Ichigo caused him to turn to be face-to-waist with Yami.

"So the brat don't like it when ya go fast? Ulquiorra's the same way! He can use sonido just fine in fights an' when he wants ta get somewhere but try ta make him do it regularly? Like pullin' teeth!"

At this point the orange haired teen was convinced that Ulquiorra and Orra-chan were perfect for one another. Marching up to the Cuatro's door, he twisted the knob and was pleased when it turned easily and the door swung open but there was no emo-car there to greet him.

"Yami, where's Ulquiorra?"

"Something happened. Medical center last I remembered," the giant replied as he scratched his head.

Groaning, Ichigo glanced down at the kid then to Yami. "Would you give this to him when he gets back?"

"Uh…"

"Thanks!" Ichigo shoved the kid into Yami's oversized hands then and raced off. Yami blinked stupidly at his new charge then shrugged, this was just until Ulquiorra got back anyway.

"How 'bout a sundae?" he asked as his stomach rumbled. He remembered that the brat liked those a lot so it stood to reason that this one did too.

zzzzz

It took several hours for Tousen to slowly work his way out of the bonds that Gin had placed on him and Grimmjow had gotten bored with the paints and crayons fast. The blind former captain was not at all surprised that the toddler started to branch out from the papers within minutes and had begun drawing on anything he could and Gin did nothing to stop him.

"Aizen-sama will be upset," Tousen tried to reason with the man only for Gin to wave him off.

"I'm Head Decorator here so there's no problem!"

"But what about this is constructive for his development?!"

"Hmmm…" Gin glanced around at the mess and seemed to consider it. "He's learnin' to express himself in ways that don't involve fightin' or stealin' my underwear!"

"UNDERWEAR?!"

"Yeah, Grimm-kitty used ta sneak inta my room when he was big and steal my underwear. Narrowed down the cause to him either lookin' fer candy or havin' a fetish. Beginning ta think it was the candy since I was missin' it after."

Tousen gaped at the silver haired man who paid his disgust no mind as he continued.

"Course might not be Grimm-kitty's fault. Kids that ain't treated right tend ta be a bit weird."

Seeing a possible opening that he could use to get away with the innocent child, Tousen decided to play along. "What do you mean treated right?"

"Ya know, treated right! Like someone beats 'em or touches 'em wrong… Might 'splain some o' Grimmy's past behavior." Gin paced the room a moment as Tousen edged towards the bored looking child. "Maybe Ulquiorra wasn't treated so good either, tha' one's weirder than anythin'. Who's watchin' 'im anyway?"

"Ichigo," Tousen replied as his foot tapped Grimmjow's leg.

"Alrighty then! Ichi-chan ain't gonna make 'im any worse! But what'dya wanna do with Grimm-kitty Tousen-san?"

'Get him out of here and under proper supervision,' Tousen thought as shivers raised up and down his spine at the thought of what Grimmjow must have gone through during his first childhood. If what Gin had suggested was true then he was beginning to understand the violent, arrogant scamp a bit better.

"Perhaps take him for lunch?" the blind former Captain suggested after a moment of thought.

"Oh! That should be fun!" Gin sounded positively giddy. "I'm sure Grimm-kitty would love a saucer o' milk!"

zzzzz

Yami ambled into the kitchen with the new brat in hand, surprising and scaring a number of the low level arrancar when they noticed the two. Yami coming in here was no surprise; he regularly came to the kitchens, sometimes as many as five times a day, killed one or two of the staff and then left with whatever he wanted. All of them remembered the fiasco that occurred the last time he had a child with him.

"Oi! Who're you staring at?" the Espada demanded to the staff in general as he set the kid on the counter next to the freezer then grabbed two tubs of ice cream from the appliance. He set the tubs down on the counter and began to hunt for the condiments right as Tousen, Gin, and a certain blue haired tot entered the room.

"Wow! Lookie who's here Grimm-kitty!" Gin stated loudly as he pointed at Ulquiorra. "It's yur friend!"

Tousen felt ice shoot up his spine as he realized just who had to be present though there was the possibility now of taking Grimmjow while Gin busied himself over Ulquiorra.

Yami glanced back at them and jumped slightly when he spied Gin then glanced around for a possible escape route. Gin wasn't having that though as he approached the Espada with Grimmjow. He settled the blue haired toddler next to the mini-bat on the counter as he stood by the obviously uncomfortable Espada.

"Makin' sundaes?" Gin chided as his eyes seemed to momentarily settle on the ice cream the Espada had pulled out. "Ya know how Aizen-taichou feels 'bout those!"

Yami blinked before a groan left his mouth as he remembered the fiasco Gin had caused while making sundaes with a chibi in the past.

"Course he ain't ever said nothin' 'bout cookies!"

Now the Tenth Espada's eyes widened in joy and anticipation. "Cookies! Lucky!" he crowed before tossing the tubs of ice cream back into the freezer.

Tousen felt his lips twitch at the joyful sound even as he became a bit concerned as Gin ordered Yami to pull out cookie sheets and bowls as he gathered ingredients.

"Shouldn't you clear this with Aizen-sama?" Tousen asked even as he relaxed a bit since nothing too traumatizing could happen from making cookies, right?

Gin waved him off. "I'm event planner fer Las Noches, remember? I say it's cookie day!"

"With him!" Yami declared as he set two cookie sheets next to the bowl that Gin had already measured flour into. "And the brats?"

Gin glanced at the toddlers and grinned when he saw Grimm steal a chocolate chip.

"Get some cookie cutters," he finally decided. "We kin work 'em too!" He added eggs and sugar to the batter.

Yami caused several heart attacks amongst the staff as he raced over to them and demanded cookie cutters but did return within two minutes and without causing any casualties. He and Tousen then picked through the cutters before each selected one for the children. Tousen chose a duck for Grimmjow and Yami gave Ulquiorra a heart. Both children regarded their cutters for a moment before Grimm started to gnaw on his and Ulquiorra seemed to lose interest and instead watched Gin roll out the dough into two sheets.

"Righty-o, ready ya two?" Gin asked with a grin as he grabbed a cookie cutter himself, a star in his case, and pressed it into the dough for each child. "This's what ya do!" he instructed and Ulquiorra studied his movements while Grimm-kitty made whooshing sounds as he played with his cutter. "So get to it!"

Ulquiorra immediately began stamping his cutter on his circle of dough, brow furrowed as he attempted to make as straight a row as he could. Grimmjow noticed by the time he had made a row of three before noticing his own dough and happily slapped his cutter over the dough, paying no mind to the notion of rows, overlapping cuts more than once before turning his attention to Ulquiorra's neat and still mostly intact dough since the other toddler had only started on his second row.

Taking aim at what seemed to be the center of the unmarked area of the dough, the blue haired troublemaker slapped his cutter down hard, earning a squawk from the other child.

Ulquiorra had been focused completely on what he was doing and not noticed Grimmjow's actions until he was staring at the large duck that had been cut into his otherwise pristine dough and he sniffled slightly at seeing his work ruined.

The blue toddler heard the sniff but paid it no mind as he struck again and cut another duck into the dough, halfway overlapping with his first one. His second cut was to be his last though as a pale hand swept in front of him, grabbed a handful of his dough, then shoved it into his face.

Grimmjow sputtered and yowled angrily, causing some of the dough to enter his mouth.

"Eh… nom… YUM!" the toddler shrieked and grabbed a double handful of his dough and shoved it into his mouth.

Beside him, Ulquiorra's eyes twitched a bit as did his tail as he watched the other eat the dough. Reaching for one of his stars, he brought it to his mouth to see if this really tasted that good.

"Blegh! Yuck!" Yami yelled when he saw the kitty toddler eating the cookie dough. "Aizen-sama always said not to eat uncooked things!"

"Now now Grimm-kitty, save some for cooking!" Gin chided as he tried to save as many of the ducks as he could.

"Nom!" Grimmjow replied as he slashed a tiny clawed hand over Gin's hand in an attempt to retrieve some of the cookie dough.

"Chocolate chip cookie dough is what you're supposed to eat raw!" Gin continued as he turned to collect Ulquiorra's painstakingly cut stars. He was met with an angry bat toddler who seemed intent to defend his cookies. The baby's tail and wings whipped wildly in agitation as Gin's hand whipped around his form; collecting a large number of the uncooked cookies though the toddler was successful in defending almost a third of his cookies, especially after his sharp teeth dug into two of the silver haired man's fingers.

As this was going on, Tousen cleaned up the area in front of Grimmjow and tried to wipe his face clean using a washcloth. The child howled as the last morsels of his snack were taken and huffed angrily, his little tail puffing.

"Cookies…" Yami murmured in a trance-like voice as he watched Gin arrange the confections on cookie sheets for baking.

"Yep!" Gin replied as he popped the baking sheets into the oven, earning a shriek from Grimmjow. "I'll get the glasses so ya can have a glass o' milk with yur cookies."

Gin then turned to one of the cupboards and began to pull out the nice dishware and Tousen marched over angrily.

"Children shouldn't be given actual glass!" he snapped as he reached for the next cabinet over and pulled it open to pull out several plastic cups.

"Those ain't as fun though! Can't see cookies gettin' dipped!"

Neither of the toddlers paid any attention to them as Ulquiorra still had a number of his raw cookies. The bat toddler savored the squishy treats for a moment before glancing at Grimmjow. The other toddler glowered angrily at the other before his eyes glanced at the soft sweets and after a moment of thought, Ulquiorra moved slightly so the other could take one.

Grimmjow's eyes widened before he jumped the few feet that divided them and eagerly grabbed a handful of the gooey snacks. Ulquiorra was almost full anyway and saw no reason to complain. That changed when the other grabbed at the treat in his hand.

"Ba! No!" Ulquiorra yelled as the pushed something at him then blinked at what he saw. The blue one was dipping his hand into a bag, pulling out some of its contents, and mashing them into his portion of the treats. Looking at the treat he was holding, the bat child found that there seemed to be chocolate chips on his snack.

Maybe it would have tasted fine like this; maybe he might have even liked it. But that would come later as the child's eyes angrily flashed. Shrieking, the bat child launched himself at the other, treat still in hand and sent both of them skidding across the kitchen counter.

Grimmjow laughed merrily as his own hands reached up and pushed at his new friend as they rolled across the counter. Both noticed the oncoming edge and stopped their roll before Grimmjow switched directions and rolled them back the way they came.

Any crime was forgotten at that moment and Ulquiorra even giggled a bit before he forced them into a new direction only for Grimmjow's tail to hit something and knock it over. Neither child cared though until Ulquiorra's hand swept through the powder then hit Grimmjow's chest, leaving a white mark.

Both children stared at it for a moment before Grimmjow started laughing and rolling in the substance before grabbing Ulquiorra and the wrestling match was back on for a minute before two hands grabbed and separated them.

"Now they need a bath!"

Tousen wondered if he should just go and request that Aizen have Gin locked in the dungeons considering how gleeful he sounded.


End file.
